Catharsis
by cyanscry
Summary: After being taken by central, will they recognise him after everything he has been put through. Damaged and broken, can they see through his form now and bring him back? Even if his mind is gone? - ACTUALLY NEW CHAPTER UPDATED!
1. Monster

_Hurts…everything. Nothing. There is…nothing. Hasn't it always been like that? Just pain…always pain. Ahhhh… I'm cold. It hurts. _

"Come on Walker. You can hear me, I know it. Listen"

_Who? Someone… a person. With blood and breath and warmth. _

"I'm going to get you out, but I need you to understand. Do you hear me? I need you to listen. You want to go home right? Listen to me! Walker!"

_Home? Home…Home. Home. Home. HOME_

* * *

><p>Lenalee breathes in the cold air, little puffs forming before her mouth as she walks towards her brother's office, marvelling in how the whole Order is bathed in the pale light of winter. It is bitterly cold, the relocation of the headquarters meant getting used to a whole new weather system. It warms her heart slightly and makes it ache painfully to note that not much has really changed. At least in the sense of routine. There are still missions to do, and now Kanda and Lavi are back, she doesn't go on them alone. She missed them so much and with their return she managed to drag herself out of the enclosing darkness and focus on her world again. But it isn't the same. She knows the feeling is shared too. Sometimes she wakes in the night with a squirming feeling of anxiety in her stomach, confused and blindly searching for the cause of it and then she knows. She knows its because he has gone. She knows it's because she did nothing to stop him. It has been 5 months since Allen Walker disappeared. It's been 5 months that the hole in her world has remained ripped open, a wound that bleeds through into her dreams and corrupts them with darkness and leaves her cold and gasping for breath.<p>

It's a busy morning in her brother's office. Komui makes a fuss of her appearance as per usual, knocking over copious amounts of paper. She smiles and scolds him. Like always. Jonny and Reever are there, tutting at their boss' behaviour and clearing up the mess he has made. Lenalee thinks back to how not long ago Jonny was begging to leave. How strange she had felt jealous of his actions at that point. And then Komui is staring at her strangely and she realises she is still smiling and patting him even though he has stopped making a fuss and has actually been trying to talk to her for a while. She apologises and Komui's eyes turn so very soft. Ahhh it's that look again, the one that makes her heart thrum painfully in her chest. She has worried him and she did not want to. She has had enough of being weak and yet she always found herself like this. She opens her mouth to reassure her brother when a huge deafening sound revertibrates around the room, hell, around the whole of the order. Shock is evident on their faces and she is sure on hers too before she automatically schools her expression into one of determinism, Dark Boots activating in seconds. Lenalee's mind flicks back to the Level 4 incident, her heart hammering loudly as adrenaline fills her veins and fighting instinct blinds her panic.

It is not hard to follow the source of chaos. Dust billows through the corridor and into the room the second the door is opened, a thick clogging mist. There are loud angry sounds and the steely pitch of fighting coming from the main atrium in the floor below them. From her position on the second floor she reaches the balcony and assess the situation with a calm disposition despite the tingling of her body to fight, to protect.

* * *

><p>Running. He is running with nowhere to go. He has forgotten he reasons to do so, but he knows he must not stop running. They are behind him, the ones in masks. He knows them well and this only spurs on this need to keep moving. He is escaping them, even if he can't remember why. When the dead end of the tedious grey walls he has only ever seen present themselves he is aware that this time his body is his. He experiments with bringing his arms forward, to push away the wall. And then its gone, just crumbling brick work and dust remains, a beautiful sight to the symphony of cries and shouts behind him. He moves on. He is not sure where to.<p>

"Stop him, he's making his way up to the main area of the Order!"

"He must not get through!"

"No, let him! He cannot go anywhere after that with so many people around!"

"No matter what, we must catch him"

* * *

><p>Lenalee freezes in shock and surprise, no longer calm. In the middle of the broken and cracked brickwork was some kind of akuma she had never seen. It had blasted through the floor of the bottom of the Order and attempted to flee before being surrounded by innumerable Crow members. Several got ahead of the monster and set up a defence barrier, throwing the creature back as he sped in blind panic forwards. A cry was heard from it as it hit the wall with a deafening crack, before it's muscles bunched and bones cracked and it righted itself, crouched defensively on the floor looking ready to strike. The dust was making visibility hard but she could see it more clearly now, could see its human shape.<p>

"What the fuck is that"

She heard a shocked sucked in breath by her side and turned to see Lavi, hammer in hand and single eye wide and frozen on the scene before them. Lenalee shook her head.

"I don't know"

"What the fuck are you two standing around for? Fucking move" A low growl was heard from behind them, as a streak of black swept past them. Kanda jumped from the balcony they were on and gracefully landed right in front of the monster. Next to her, Lavi swore as he invoked his hammer and ran down the steps after him.

Lenalee remained frozen. She realised her Dark Boots had stopped their invocation, though she did not remember doing so. Perhaps it had something to do with the strange sense of trepidation crawling around in her mind. She could clearly see a threat in front of her. It wasn't the suddenness of the change of events, as an Exorcist she had to be ready for anything. It was... she bit her lip, as a surge of emotions swelled around her. The force of them making her squeeze her eyes shut. She did not want to recall this feeling, a creeping darkness that threatened to overwhelm her. A further blast jerked her out of her own mind.

The monster snarled, rushing forward to greet Kanda with a clash as its arm sparked against Mugen. She could see the surprise in Kanda's eyes at having his sword countered so easily. The monster took advantage and pushed Kanda back, hurtling into the many crow members surrounding them. That was enough for her. She cleared her mind of any hesitation and invocated.

* * *

><p>Kanda snarled angrily as he picked himself up quickly, just in time to see Lenalee attempt to clash with the monster who fleetingly dodged her attacks with inhuman speed. Just what the fuck was that thing?<p>

"Stay back! You need to let us Crow handle this!"

Kanda glared at the Crow who had spoken, obsidian gaze cold.

"What the fuck can you Crow do against an Akuma then" he sneered. Honestly, this was fucking ridiculous. He didn't even know why these stupid magic users were here. He raised Mugen again, ready to strike,

"It's not an Akuma"

Kanda stopped at that. He whipped his head around to look at the man walking towards them. Fucking great. The last person he wanted to see was Leveiller wandering around.

Even now, he could recognise the resentment he felt towards the man, and he found it strange. It pissed him off. He tried to tell himself it was his fault that Alma had ended up the way he did. But something inside him stirred when he saw that man that had nothing to do with his past, or with Alma. It stirred guilt and anger. And images of a pale face being slowly tainted by darkness.

"What the fuck is it then?" he hissed, in no mood to play games.

The inspector regarded him with a cold stare, giving nothing away.

"It is none of your business. I suggest you step aside, we have it under control"

Kanda was about to bite out a retort when he saw Lenalee flung to the side and several Crow crumple to the group as the monster screeched in the most blood curdling way. The cry was agony filled, and Kanda found himself flinching at the sound. It was fucking creepy, the way the monster moved like a wounded beast but still seemed to look relatively human. Fuck under control he thought, as he brought Mugen up.

* * *

><p>Lavi was trying to take it all in. His brain moved quickly through his memories, trying desperately to associate the creature that was currently in front of him with something, anything in the Bookman records. But he has not seen anything like it. He couldn't tell what it was, an animal, a monster… no, he could tell, could see what it was essentially. A human But the mummified creature left little to go on. Bandages wrapped around the entire body, dirty and red. Little could be seen underneath except red raw skin in certain places where the bandages had come loose. The mouth of the creature was more like a maw of an animal, and was sewn shut. Yet the stitching has snapped and the monster opened its mouth to cry, stretching the stitching open, creating a terrifying chasm to which horrific sounds could be heard. Across his eyes was a metal strip acting as a blindfold, chained in place. The chains followed the bandages, wrapping around the monsters head and torso. The creature was all bones, a skeletal structure that snapped and cracked and yet, it did not stop. Lavi was panting, taking in gulps of air in an effort to calm himself. It was hard for him to recognise the pulsing in his body, the adrenaline caused by fear. It has been so long since he had felt fear. But it was unknown, and the blind range of the monster was terrifying. He watched as Lenalee got thrown to the ground, as it barraged through members of Crow shooting endless spells at it.<p>

Then he saw Kanda approach Lenalee. Lavi recognised the gaze Kanda shot at him. They were to take it down together. He grinned sardonically. Fuck, he would not loose face now.

"Do not kill it"

He whirled around to see Bookman there, watching with a calculated look.

"What?"

"Do not kill it. Levellier has said they are orders from the higher ups. Tell the others"

Lavi was confused but did not question. He could feel that pounding going stronger, pushing though his veins with such strength he thought he might explode if he did not get out there now. He merely nodded and extended his hammer at the same time both Kanda and Lenalee shot forwards, the three of them descending on the creature.

* * *

><p>"Oi! I told you, we're not meant to kill it Yuu!" Lavi shouted as Kanda drove his sword straight at the creatures chest. It dodged yet again, but in that second, Lenalee has swung her leg from nowhere. The connection to the monsters ribcage was heard as a sickening crack echoed in the space around them before the monster went flying, yet again, into the walls of the Order<p>

"Shut the fuck UP, Usagi! Do _not_ call me that!"

Lenalee tutted in annoyance as she landed, tensing herself ready for whatever happened.

The monster was struggling, they could see that. But the Crow had not yet restrained it for fear of it not being weakened enough. She could see that they needed to have it out before anything more could be done. Suddenly the monster shot forward with a shriek. It tore through Lavi and Kanda in an instant, and she watched as they crashed to the side. It came towards her and she cried out as it was nearly upon her. Her breath caught when she realised that the monster has stopped, hand inches from her face. She did not know what to do. The creatures hot breath was on her face and she couldn't think.

"Le…"

She froze

"Le..naaaa….le…"

The creatures head twisted, body shaking and she could only gape as it brought its hand down gently to try to touch her face.

"HiBan!"

A giant coil of fire smashed the creature into the floor, crushing him. In that instant, Kanda jumped, driving Mugen down and into the stomach of the monster, pinning him to the floor. It howled, and twisted.

Lenalee couldn't move. What as going on. Had it just stopped itself from hurting her? And her name. She knew that voice. She knew this feeling.

"Now!"

The voice of Leveiller rose above the screeching. Kanda quickly withdrew as several spikes appeared above and pierced the monster. Bindings quickly wound around the twisting and writhing body that was desperately trying to escape the spikes pinning it to the floor. Blood flowed freely from the creature as a barrier was put around it, casting the scene in eerily silence as the horrible screeches of the monster were cut out.

* * *

><p>"Lenalee?"<p>

Lavi was there; hand on her shoulder shaking her out of her reprise

"Are you okay, did it hurt you?"

She looked into the emerald eye, stirring with concern and tried to make her voice work. After gulping air and making no sound, Lenalee settled with merely nodding. Lavi remained concerned and opened his mouth to ask her if she was okay before Leveillers voice demanded their attention.

"Well, I must thank you for your help on this matter. Unfortunately I am not required to answer any of your questions. Crow members, if you would please"

"Please wait a minute"

Lenalee turned at her brother's voice as he and Reever made their way towards them. She had not realised they had followed her.

"Despite what you say, we need an explanation."

Leveiller glared and clenched his teeth.

"As I said, I am not obliged to give you one"

Komui opened his mouth to be interrupted by Kanda,

"Like fuck your not. Tell us what the fuck is that thing, _now_"

He pointed to the still writhing, but now silent creature, bleeding out on the floor surrounded by Crows.

Lavi was watching the argument unfold. His heart steady now, something more to do with knowing that Bookman was watching over his shoulder than anything. He knew it would not matter either way, as a Bookman he would find out what that creature was. But he wanted the answer now anyway. His curiosity was burning. He had not felt so intereseted in something since… well since a certain exorcist arrived in the Order. He pushed those thoughts away. He hated to be reminded of such memories. They made him realise how much he missed the certain exorcist. As a bookman with no emotions, it was hard to explain why he missed someone he was not supposed to care about. Lost in his own thoughts, he snapped back to the present to notice something no one else had not.

Lenalee was steadily moving towards to the creature. Lavi watched as she ignored the protests of the surrounding Crows and attempted to enter the barrier. The loud exclamations brought Lenalees actions to everyone's attention, as just as Lavi was about to ask what she was doing, Levellier boomed across him

"What do you think your doing! Stop her!"

* * *

><p>The Crows made to grab Lenalee, who completely ignored Levellier and the surrounding chaos, as Kanda, Lavi and Komui all angrily demanded they remove their hands from her.<p>

Lenalee looked at the creature through the barrier. It must has notice her presence as it stopped screeching and trying to escape. It turned its head towards her and waited stilly, attempting to lift its left arm despite it being pinned to the ground. The stillness of the creature as it looked at her reassured her that it would be alright. She had to find out. She touched the barrier, effectively breaking it. This time, not only was it Leviellers voice but her brothers worried one calling after her, asking what she was doing.

In truth, she did not know. She was overcome with a desperate need to validate that she was being stupid. That there was no way this creature could be… She swallowed down the thought. She bent down right in front of the upturned face. She knew how she could reassure herself. The metal blindfold was cracked. She moved to snap it away from its face. As she did so, she heard a wet tearing sound. She broke of the blindfold and gently shifted the bandage away from the creatures eyes. In her peripheral vision, she saw a hand slowly moving towards her cheek. The bandaged were loose. A black hand, with black nails and a green cross embedded in the centre came down slowly to softly stroke her face as she looked into the grey eye that stared back at her, a jagged red scar slowly spreading across the feature.

She stifled a sob that threatened to escape.

"Le…naa…"

She shook as the force of the realisation hit her. A finger caressed the side of her face.

"Le..naa. lee…"

"Allen…"


	2. Consumed

_**Hello! This is my very first fanficition. I have already had some really lovely reviews, they honestly made me so happy. To be honest, I was going to make this a One or Two Shot, because as my first, I didn't know how well it would be recieved. So I'm very glad people like it. More feedback, even some constructive critism from experiences authors would be extremely apprecitaed. I will take into account anything anyone says and do my best. Im very busy right now since I have exams, so updating might be slow before Christmas,I know I probably should have waited but if I didnt post i know, im not sure I would have! But afterwards Im free to pour myself into my writing. The reviews really do motivate me to write so thanks again!  
><strong>_

_**Chapter: Swearing, some violent description. Basically everyones reaction to finding out what has become of Allen  
><strong>_

_**Disclaimer: Do not own Man**_

* * *

><p><em>The air is tense, a palpable thickness that speaks for itself and leaves little room to say anything or even move as they wait for Levieller tospeak. Everybody in the room knows what this is about though, how could they not. All exorcists and main scientists called together under a flurry of orders. Kanda and Lavi have both returned, leaving only one piece missing. <em>

_Levieller stands there, eyes closed and waiting for the tension to reach a surplus so his words can leave a stain upon the scene. _

_Lavi watches in the corner, nonchalantly watching with his Bookman mask covering the anticipation. Kanda stands rigid and tense, anger written into the lines of his muscles. And Lenalee is just down right worried. _

"_As you all know, after the Alma Karama incident the exorcist Allen Walker was detained due to concerns over the 14ths awakening"_

_Ah…He said it. Said his name. Lenalee would not of thought it possible that her levels of worry would have increased, but there is something so darkening when Leveiller confirms what she already knew. _

"_Allen Walker attempted to flee with two other members of the Noah family. As such he has since been considered a traitor to the Order. It is regrettable to inform you that his sentence was decided on and he was swiftly executed earlier this morning"_

_Lavi's one eye widens impossibly. Executed? He did not expect this, there was no warning, no trial. Nothing. He looks over to see Lenalee, wide eyed and shaking, fists clenched together painfully tight. The tension in the air hits a crescendo and is broken by shaky sobs emitting from Miranda. Shortly after, all hell breaks loose._

* * *

><p>The silence is deafening. Lavi cannot be sure, but he thinks Lenalee just called the monster Allen. He cannot be sure, but he can see the proof in front of him as clear as everyone else. A black hand, hard nails and a beautiful glowing green cross embedded in the back of the palm. A blood red scar marring translucent skin.<p>

Allen Walker lay in front of him, a pile of skin stretched over bones covered in loose bandages that have come away in the fight, revealing the unmistakable view of human flesh beneath them. The chains and blindfold free he can see the grey eye, wide and staring.

And then Lenalee starts moving. Frantic and desperate she rips the bandages off the monster, no _Allen__'__s_ head and he can see the face beneath the horrific bindings of grimy strips and twisted metal. She is sobbing, her body shaking with the force and for the second time, he cannot move.

* * *

><p>Kanda tries to concentrate on what is happening, he really does. But <em>fuck<em>_…_his mind is in turmoil as he stares down at the supposed human in front of him and all he can see is the twisted form of Alma, broken and crying and so very very desperate. And then clarity drives through him like an epiphany, the encompassing grip of his memories fade and his ebony eyes focus on the real scene in front of him. No, its not Alma. That… that it's a chewed up beansprout.

And it couldn't be Alma anyway. The white hair, turned a grimy gray, brings him back to remind him that Alma is at peace now, that he wont ever have to see his poor ruined form again, that he is free from that burden that had weighed him down all his life. And now when he looks there's no beansprout, but the person who freed him. The person who gave him closure, and god knows at what cost. He feels the most alien emotions swell inside him as the thoughts strike him one by one. But there is one familiar to Kanda Yuu and that is the one he is going to stick with. He could almost smirk. Fucking _pissed_ didn't quite cover it.

* * *

><p>Komui feels as though he isn't quite there. He remembers feeling the fear expand inside him as he watched his beloved sister walk closer to that horrible <em>thing,<em>and he remembers as Levieller **dared** even attempt to touch his precious Lenalee. But afterwards his mind draws a blank. He does not hear the horrified gasps of Reever and Johnny behind him, the unrestrained breathless sobbing of his sister as she tears at the bandages and moves wretchedly, attempting to tug out one of the numerous spikes that pin the monster to the floor. He doesn't see as Levieller marches towards her and Kanda blocks his path with a swipe of Mugen, eyes blazing with so much anger, it's a _burning_ to look at him, doesn't see as Lavi joins Lenalee, grabbing and tugging the restraints whilst the creature moans and whimpers beneath them. Most of all, he doesn't recognise the agonised look in those familiar eyes. He doesn't want to see it but the guilt slowly poisons him regardless, eating through his body and mind. There is so much guilt there, he feels like he may be consumed. Because if he is in fact there, that would mean that the monster wasn't a monster but Allen. And he couldn't allow that to be.

* * *

><p>"Stay the fuck back"<p>

"Move, Exorcist Kanda Yuu. You have no idea what you're doing"

"I don't give a shit. About you, or central or your shitty orders. If you don't want me to slice you to fucking ribbons, you will step back, _Inspector__"_

Kanda sneers at the man, his fingers itching around Mugen, his eyes daring him to keep moving so he can release some of this boiling anger inside of him by splattering the ground with his surely black blood in an attempt to block out the rivulets of red, the oh so human red blood that seeps into the cracks of the stone floor from the comrade he knew of.

"This is beyond you" Leviller hissed in his face but did not move, calling out instead, 'Crows restrain Miss Lee and detain specimen 14"

Kanda snarls in response, whipping around ready to get his blood either way. What better than to cut a few wings of those pathetic birds. He moves to place himself in front of the beansprout and Lenalee. He notices Lavi has stopped in his act or removing the rods and has stood behind him, hammer in hand and single eye fixed. Lenalee looks up at them surprised, violet eyes shimmering with tears. Kanda throws her a glance and grunts, whilst Lavi flashes her his trade mark grin,

"Don't worry, Lena-lady. We won't let them take him again right?"

Her eyes tighten and she places a hand gently on the groaning body beneath her

"Yeah"

"You have no choice but to hand him back!" Leviller growls at them, face beet red as he motions towards the Crows to continue their advance.

"I'm inclined to disagree"

Komui's smooth voice cuts across the tension of the moment. He would never forgive himself if he backed away again. He would have nothing left to salvage from his conscious if he gave up now.

"Unless, Inspector, you would like a rebellion on your hands?"

Komui gestures to behind him, where many of the science members stood with steely gazes and stiff postures.

"…perhaps it would be best if we leave"

A Crow nearest to Leviller speaks up, touching the man gently on the shoulder. He angrily swat's the hand away, temples twitching as he grinds his teeth in frustration.

"Do not think that you can continue to keep him safe. He is a traitor, a danger to the Order. He will repent one way or another"

With that, Levieller stalks off briskly. The Crows disappear into the shadows and the magic that bound Allen was removed in an instant. The boy lets out a cry and jerked as the spikes pulled out of his body all at once.

* * *

><p>"Allen…Allen can you hear me?"<p>

Lenalee cradle'sthe boys head in her lap as chaos erupted around her. She speaks softly, ignoring the bustle of medical staff entering the room and her brother shouting that the danger was over.

"Allen, your home now. Its okay now"

Kanda and Lavi look on as they watch her tenderly stoke the unconscious form of the body in her arms, both wondering whether any questions were ever going to get answered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hope you enjoyed it, and its not too confusing. Sorry its quite a bit shorter than the previous one. Next chapters you find out what state Allen is in, what has happened to him, and who the person at the very beginning was who helped him (although I'm sure you can all probably guess _ ) <strong>_


	3. Violent

_**Hello again! First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who kindly reviwed. I would also like to thank**_WakeToSanity _**and**_Masked Bard of Chaos **for**_** their suggestions. Please, I encourage you to tell me any and all of your suggestions and opinions they are very helpful. On that note, I have to say the general concensus seems to be no romance. Which, to be honest, is a relief for me as I can't say that I can confidently write a good bit of romance fiction. In which case, it really would be half assed and I dont want to subtract from the main focus of this story... pure unashamed Allen-tortue :D Also, I'm not sure about removing the mutliple POV's yet. I do understand it can get a little confusing, so I tried to make it super clear, but for these first few chapters, I wanted to create a real feel of what everyone thinks about poor Allen. But it will has more focus in the coming chapters. **_

_**Lastly, I have tried to make this chapter reasonable long and hopefully its food for imagination as the next chapter wont come out until after the 20th of this month as my exams start this week, and I have yet to even start revising! Enjoy!**_

* * *

><p>The Head Nurse thought she had seen it all. Working in the Black Order meant there was no time to be squeamish. She remembered back to when she was a little girl, fixing up hurt animals or as a young woman just entering the gruelling profession. She also remembered the first time she watched an Exorcist battle. A young Lenalee had ended up battered and bruised as she protected her from Akuma. It was then, watching a child fight and get hurt in such a ruthless way, did she set her sights on the medical unit of the Black Order. Yes, she thought she has seen it all, the gruesome injuries, mangled bodies, people disintegrating into black dust. That was until they brought her Allen Walker.<p>

* * *

><p>"Move! You need to step aside, we need to assess his injuries and stop the bleeding"<p>

A doctor snapped at Lenalee as she approached the bed, not feeling stable enough to allow the small frail body of Allen away from her yet. She blinked at the man, who helped shift the body onto a hospital cot, and did not move as the white coated figures swarmed, moving around her as they jabbered medical language to one another. She could on stare, unsure of what to do until a soft pressure on her shoulder made her snap out of her trance as the Head Nurse smiled down at her, kind but firm.

"Come on, you also need to be seen to"

She nodded non-committally and moved with the Head Nurse towards a waiting group of medics. She opened her mouth to ask about Lavi and Kanda when she heard from above her shoulder the clipped voice she was more familiar with

"You two, here right now. Don't think you can escape"

The Head Nurse was glaring down at the two exorcists who were attempting to make their way out of the doorway, having carried Allen to the infirmary. Kanda che'd angrily and Lavi laughed nervously but both did as was told and occupied the two beds either side of Lenalee.

Lenalee looked up to see the Head Nurse moving away towards the curtained off part of the infirmary was. To where Allen was.

"Wait…"

"I'm sorry, you are just going to have to wait." The Head Nurse spoke gently, anticipating Lenalees question as she patted her arm before going to assess her main concern.

* * *

><p>She guessed it was a body. There were bones and skin, limbs and a skull. A face. But the Head Nurse could barely recognise the mutilated form of Allen Walker. Komui stood next to her as the doctor briefed them and the surrounding medical team on his condition<p>

"We have managed to stabilise him. For now, the blood flow has stopped, and we have given him blood to account for the loss, but…"

Komui looked at him severely urging the man to continue. He would not shy away from this painful truth in front of him.

"I honestly don't know what has been done to him. We need something, someone who knows what he went through to explain to me what exactly they did to mess up this kid so much"

The Head Nurse raised her eyebrows at the distressed and disgusted tone of the doctor. She saw his hands shaking slightly, and with surprise realised that he was as out of his depth with this as she was. She couldn't blame him for being shocked and unsure.

"Komui, how he is alive I don't know. To begin with, there are so many drugs pumped inside him. Some I've never even heard of. The most recent one looked like a stimulant. I imagine that was how he was able to escape despite being in this state. But then someone must have administered it to him…."

Komui waved away the mans question with an impatient flick. Its not like he hadn't though of that but it could wait. He needed to know what exactly was going on. At that moment he became aware of the presence of the two people who had quietly slipped into the curtain and were listening along side the medical staff. His eyes narrowed as Lavi and Kanda caught his gaze and the red head proceeded to answer his unvoiced question

"Lenalee is asleep"

Komui noted that no other explanation was offered as to why there were present… by either one, but did not comment. Instead he gestured for the doctor to continue.

"To begin with, you can clearly see he is incredibly underweight, malnourished and dehydrated. The marks here – the doctor indicated to Allen's wrists and ankles – suggest long time imprisonment or at the very least deliberate impairment of movement"

Kanda snorted at that, remembering the chains wrapped around the body and the spikes binding the boy in place to the floor.

"There are also some disturbing injuries across his body"

"Disturbing? What do you mean?" Komui frowned at the vauge description. The doctor shot him a look and proceeded to remove the bed sheet from the body, making visible the damage that was done to it.

Komui felt instant nausea roll over him. He could hardly stand to look as his mouth dried up and he swallowed convulsively. He could see the Head Nurse beside him shaking. Both Lavi and Kanda had a matching frozen look of disbelief on their face

"I mean this" the doctor stated gravely.

His body was a mass of twisted and scarred flesh. The once white skin was a patchwork of purple thick knotted masses of scarring, red thing stipes of surgical cuts with grotesque pricks of stitching matks still visible and sallow greyed skin stretched so tightly over bone that it looked paper thin. Ribs and hip bones jutted out, impossibly clear. No part was spared, including the boys legs and the parts of the body that was not scarred were littered with fresh wounds. But it was his arms that were the worst. Huge jagged chunks had been taken from his human arm leaving it oddly shaped as the scars appeared dented where the flesh had been removed. Allen's innocence arm however, was positively alive. The black appendage no longer resembles an arm. Parts were swollen into huge lumps of flesh where the skin had been stripped and red raw muscle shone through. The veins that ran through were raised and wrapped around the swollen areas to make the whole limb look as though it was pulsing. It looked incredibly painful to touch and the sight of the flesh ripped and burst as the arm has swelled was what proved too much for Komui, who promptly had to bend over in the effort to stop himself from vomiting.

"Hi…His innocence?" He choked out breathlessly as he panted in an effort to regain control

"We don't know. A reaction maybe? That is not all. He is not only missing certain organs but the ones he does have look like they have been…_rearraged__"_

Komui stared at the body in front of him, succumbing to his own thoughts as they drowned out the doctor. The only think not marred beyond recognition was Allens face. In unconsciousness Komui marvelled at how he looked so similar and yet so incredibly different from the boy who was with them not 6 months ago. The white hair softly falling over his face, the red scar and the childlike expression as he slept in oblivion. And yet the tight skin over cheekbones and the lidded eyes with bruised bags underneath them told Komui the truth. He moved the hair from Allen's face in a tender gesture as he tried to figure out what to do next. But he didn't know where to go. He didn't even know what had actually happened to the boy

'If only we could get hold of whoever helped you' he sighed.

* * *

><p>Kanda was pissed. Again. He shifted on the uncomfortable hospital bed, silently cursing at the Head Nurse who had made him stay behind. He wasn't even injured for god sake! He never understood that woman, who bandaged him up even though they both knew those wounds would heal by the time she had finished. But he let her, more than anything because the Head Nurse was fucking scary. He stared into the blackness, letting the beep of the machines simmering faintly in the background of the scene hypnotise him into a state of meditation. Maybe that way he could find sleep. He couldn't stop his mind from working as every time he closed his eyes, images of the Beansprout's mangled body overlapped with others. The injuries and the doctors words sounded so familiar and with a flash of hot anger he thought about what looked as though it had happened to Allen in the past 5 months. Speaking from experience it was clear to see the signs of experimentation. Whatever has happened to Allen Walker, one thing was for sure – being taken by Central meant being turned into a lab rat some way or another. It was the purple track marks of his arms where the needles would have bitten into the skin andthe drugs and substances swirling around his blood stream that triggered familiar memories in Kanda. No in general, it was probably more do to with the total disregard for any semblance of humanity. Oh Kanda knew the signs well, and he was willing to bet the stupid Usagi has some of his own ideas as to what the Beansprout had been subjected to as well.<p>

He grunted in irritation, debating whether to throw something at the red head to see if he was still awake. But Kanda recognised the too controlled breathing coming from the male and knew the answer. He still wanted to throw something. He tried to force himself to calm down when he noticed a change. The beeping come from that Beansprout's room had changed. The sound grew faster and more erratic as something began to occur. Kanda sat up, alert and confused. He had heard Komui and doctors talking and knew the beansprout was effectively induced into a coma and as such should not be doing anything in the near future, including moving or being awake. Suddenly the sound of laboured breathing could be heard, punctuated occasionally by a small moan. The sounds were quite and subtly but Kanda heard them as if they were blasted into his ear. Oh hell no, this was not happening.

Kanda tore of the bed sheets as he sprang up, jumping as he heard Lavi speak suddenly next to him

"Please tell me I imagined those noises"

He turned to see the red head sitting up bolt straight, pale faced and wide eyed, staring in the same direction as Kanda was facing. A louder, more profound set of whimpers broke through the tense silence and Kanda's head whipped to Lavi's distressed face to confirm what he thought might be happening.

"Oh shit, there is no way he is waking up. Please tell me this is a joke" Lavi muttered, bounding out of the bed as Kanda decided that the noises were in fact, not imaginary and something was most definitely going on. He reached Allen's bed and tore the curtain away, exposing the frail exorcist. The machines were beeping like crazy as he hovered over the body, unsure what to make of the events. Lavi bent over the prone form about to attempt to illicit another response, when a scream tore through the air, ripping the night time tranquillity to shreds.

Lavi jumped back with a yelp as Kanda started. He quickly recovered and swore, turning on his heel, ebony hair flying wildly as in one fluid movement he flew to the door, intent on getting somebody. Thank god Lenalee was knocked out by sleeping tablets and pain relief, he could not deal with the hysteria. He flung the door open, calling out loudly as the infirmary came alive.

Kanda heard Lavi swear behind him, turning around and seeing the red head attempt to hold down Allen as his body started convulsing violently on his bed. He could see from where he stood the wide, sightless grey eyes frozen in fear, feral instinct coursing through them as chilling screams tore through Allen's throat. Suddenly a montage of medics were all over the boy, pushing Lavi out of the way and restraining the white haired exorcist to the bed, pinning him as he thrashed wildly, clawing at his own body and screaming in what Kanda recognised as pure fear.

It dawned on him that he did not know what to do. He simple stood and watched as the Beansprout's new stitching burst, spraying the medics crisp white uniform with blood spatters as he continued to twist and flay in an attempt to free himself. The blind panic was making him lash out, the hospital staff all shouting at once around him. It was utter chaos. The Head Nurse rushed in brandishing a needle, followed by several orderlies who forcibly restrained the exorcist by grabbing and holding down any moveable part of his body. Kanda could see how the Beansprout shook violently, arching has back in his vain attempts until the sedation had began to take effect, his eyes dropping and head lolling from side to side. At that moment Kanda could not remembering seeing anyone wake up quite so violently before. His looked over to Lavi, his expression unreadable.

"What on earth happened? He had enough in him to make sure he wouldn't be waking up for days, how can he be after just a few hours…"

The Head Nurse stood over the bottom of the bed, shaking her head in distress as she overlooked the messy scene, bloody splattered over the twisted and ripped sheets. A sudden voice broke the silence,

"Such things are unlikely to work on him now, Head Nurse"

She turned around and gasped as she saw the form of the person who had just spoken, standing in front of the open infirmary doors

"…Inspector Link?"

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><p><em><strong>Yayy! Well done to everyone who guessed hehe. I hope it was a good chapter. Its a little nerve wracking as I already feel protective over you guys reading this, in the sense that I dont want to let you down! I hope that its not going to fast or anything, I hate it when fanfictions have an unnatural pace. Please continue to feed my motivation and review :)<strong>_


	4. Dog

_**Hello again! I have finally finished my exams only to have to work every single day until Christmas which is no fun. I want a break! Anyway, this is not a full chapter .This a bit like chapter 3.5. I havent had any time to write a whole new chapter, and I'm sorry for keeping everyone waiting. I wanted to let everyone know that a new whole chapter should be coming very soon so please wait for me and I'm sorry. But I also hate it when I see another chapter is up and it's just and authors note, so I quickly wrote a little something I was going to put in the next chapter but just expaneded on. Like an early Chritsmas present lol! It may not be the best quality so I apologise in advance if it's not what you were hoping for, just hold a little longer! **_

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><p>He had never needed any reasons to do what was asked, other than the orders given to him. He obeyed because it was what he knew. It was rigid and straight forward. To carry out tasks that he convinced himself he had not choice but to do meant his life lacked the complications others had to contend with. The lingering feelings of attachment, sorrow, shame. Guilt. He had none of those, just feelings of completion each time an order was carried out. He did not need praise or rewards. He was useful and that was enough. He knew what others thought of the man he worked for. The man who had saved him. The Inspecter was brutal, he was merciless and he was all he ever had to guide him through the harshness of life. He would never of dared to call him anything akin to family. He was not his father, or even mentor, and he has never kidded himself otherwise. His emotions were not one of affection for the man who was his superior and saviour, but one of admiration and respect. He made him want to prove himself, he ignited a burning passion to be someone else. Not that child in the orphanage crying out pitifully when he was beat, when he was sold for whatever use he had, even though he was so utterly useless back then.<p>

Now he was a loyal dog of the Inspecter. He obeyed command and he did whatever he had to do well. This was there connection and he knew no-one else would understand his unwavering loyalty towards this man they all hated. No-one knew how much he hated him too. Respect and admiration born from hatred that the man he looked up to constantly reminded him of his inadequacies in life. Oh how he hated him. And one day, he would be able to stand up and look at him as an equal. But until then, he would train and he would watch and he would follow him until he knew every trick he did and more.

He had expected it to be this way forever until that day came. He had worked his way up to becoming that man in every way and everyone could see the similarities in the two. He was every bit the Inspecters subordinate through and through. It was hard going to suppress the glee that swelled when those words were hissed at him like insults. But the Inspecter does not do glee, so nor does he. However all expectations shattered the day he met that boy.

Allen Walker, a traitor, a heretic, a danger to everything he stood for. A 15 year old child. One that had seen too much, been through too much and who was selfless, and brave and who spoke his mind and did whatever the hell he wanted to do. He hated him too. He was everything he was not and he felt drawn to the boy in a way that he never felt to the Inspecter. He marvelled at how he never knew before meeting him that hate can come in more forms that one. Allen drew out emotions in him he had stifled and day by day he found himself loosing trust in what his mission was.

Indeed, this boy was a danger to everything he stood for, that much has never been so true.

The attachment he felt confused him. It was not a cold connection of competition like he had with the Inspecter. It was warm and strange and painful. Allen Walker has stopped being the target and had ended up as his friend.

Maybe that was why he never saw it coming. When the Inspecter told him of central's plans for the boy. He did not know what to say or what to feel and remained silent, a response normal of the old him, not this new him who felt burning anger and pity and pain for a person he realised way too late he had gotten in to deeply with. So when they took him without warning and in such a violent way, he did not know what to do aside from watch. The Inspecter had turned to him and smirked, and said that Allen was like him, useless but with potential. And the had know then, that the Inspecter has always seen through his lies he had written in his weak attempts at protecting this alien new connection he had. The Inspecter had always known of his weakness. Like a blow to his mind his confliction cleared and all that was left was the original burning passion to shut this man up and be above him one day.

So he reigned himself in. He tightened his heart and he watched as they split the boy open. He watched as they fished around inside of him and sliced his flesh to ribbons. He ignored the screams, the moans, the babbling. He looked away when the torture started and blocked his ears as the insane rambling began and jotted down in his notebook what was going on all the way through it. He never looked at Allen Walker again, just looked at Specimen 14.

He had recognised him though. Their contact was limited and rare but on this occasion he was to bring specimen 14 to the room. And he looked up and recognition flashed in his eyes.

"Link…"

He did not answer. He did not look.

"They…said you had died…you didn't. Link…."

He ignored it. He focused on his notes.

"…So glad…"

Ah. He looked up

"Link….I;m so glad…your not dead…"

And something in him broke. Because he knew then, at that moment, no matter how hard he tried and how much he did…he would never able to be like the Inspector.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I think Link is a really complex character, so I tried to give him a stab. I hope the lack of allen didnt dissapoint anyone too much. You'll have your dose very soon. I'll be expanding on what Link's role is and what actually happened to Allen in the next few coming chapters. Exciting stuff.<strong>_


	5. Useless

_**Just in time for Christmas. This is a present of sorts then :D. Thank you for waiting paitently, I hope it was worth it. It took me a while to write to be honest, I was unsure how to proceed. But I got there and I hope you like it. Feedback on this chapter expecially would be great because I'm struggling a bit. So if you enjoyed it, please review and encourage me, and if you thought improvments can be made, constructive critism is great too. I need the motivate to get to where I want this fic to be. **_

_**Anyway, HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!  
><strong>_

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><p>Link was tired. It had taken a lot out of him to get here. He doubted that his 'audience' would understand that as they looked at him with shock and surprise. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought about how it might have been a better idea to make use of his shadowing skills and make a less dramatic entrance. But he quickly dismissed this thought as he saw the two exorcists to the right of his peripheral tense and shift into battle like poses. Of course, no entrance would be quiet when someone seen as the enemy pops up out of no where. All of a sudden the fatigue he felt made itself known a hundred times over as he even thought about the idea of a fight. He ignored them, dragging his body towards the main cause of his problems, throwing the tense exorcists a withering look that showed in an instance, he was not here to fight.<p>

Komui, however, was more logical. And in some ways even more irritating. He stepped in front of Link as he drew closer to Allen's bed, eyes narrowed.

"Inspecter Link… What on earth are you doing here?"

The question took Link of guard as it was plain to him the man could clearly tell why he was here. He was about to bite out a sharp retort when he attuned himself to the atmosphere of the room. Ah. Perhaps it was not just the exorcists that were being cautious. The hostility he felt spoke of the distrust the others in the room had towards him. Link mentally noted with surprise this included the Head Nurse. Oh good god, he was not in the mood for this. His weary thoughts were interrupted by Komui's business like tone.

"Leveillers personal Crow member turning up in the middle of the night after everything has happened is most unexpected... care to explain what your sudden appearance is about? Might I suggest you tell us speedily. We are currently dealing with a little something right before your arrival"

Link gaped up at the man who's cold voice confused him. He had forgotten in his absence how serious and calculating the Branch Head could be underneath that ridiculous sister complex personality. He also became aware that the two exorcists and several burly orderlies has inched themselves closer to him. He felt his irritation flood back in full force and snapped.

"What the hell do you think I'm doing here? Or did you think Walker miraculously freed himself and everything that has happened in the past 6 hours, _including_ my appearance is one big coincidence. Do you really think me being here means I've come to take him back! I came here to help!"

Link hissed the words angrily at Komui, who raised an eyebrow in cold indifference.

"Help? I'm sorry but define help? How do we know you aren't tricking us"

The callous words flashed in Links mind as he thought to when those words were last spoke. Levieller to Walker. The Order to a Noah. Suddenly his tired mind was alight with thoughts. He could see the raw arm that belonged to Walker from where he stood. He could see the boy who had risked his life to save. And suddenly he was completely enraged. How dare these people question him! They did not understand anything. Nothing about what happened to Allen nor about him. If they knew, if they had seen… he had made the only choice possible. He had risked everything. And here they stood asking if he can truly be trusted. He opened his mouth for a violent retort when a horrible sound stopped him making any protest.

* * *

><p>Komui did not know what to make of the man in front of him. He could see in the set of his shoulders and the drag of his feet that Inspecter Link was exhausted. He could see how he favoured one leg slightly more, how he held himself differently. The man was injured. Yet all he felt was burning rage towards this man. As far as he was concerned, Allen's state was this mans fault as much as it was Leviellers. However something niggled at his mind. Allen could not have escaped alone. The doctor had said so himself. Someone must have helped him, in more ways than one. And seeing the state of Link in front of him, he had a pretty good guess. But he could not afford to take any risks this time. He had to protect the child lying on the bed behind him. He had come with the Head Nurse and had entered the room as Allens forceful awakening was in full swing. He watched as such terrible fear encompassed the boy and realised then that he was no more than a scared 15 year old. His determination has doubled. He did not want to accuse Link, as his anger was slowly being replaced with a strange sense of gratitude the more he pieced together the puzzle of what had occurred only 24 hours ago. However he had to know he could trust him. Until then, he wouldn't let him near Allen. Or so he thought.<p>

* * *

><p>The horrible sound came, unexpectedly, from the topic itself. Komui's head shot round and the Head Nurse let out a soft horrified hiss as she swooped down on the boy. Link darted past Komui and ripped the curtain back. Allen's slack eyes had widened to an impossible size. They were glassy and unseeing, rolling slightly so more of the white could be seen than the steel colour. The sound came from the blood dribbling out past the boys lips. It bubbled as his throat rasped. He was choking on it. He lips opened and closed useless as he rolled his head around. The Head Nurse snapped into action, lifting Allen's head up. As she did so, the blood gushed out, splattering into the boys lap. His chest had begun to twitch.<p>

"What the… what is happening!"

Komui cried out, still and pale from shock as he stared at the boy, completely terrified. The Head Nurse too has stopped any actions after moving the boy's head, staring at him aghast, unsure of how to proceed. Link was dimly aware of the two exorcists, Lavi and Kanda, hovering in the background as he moved to the foot of the bed. No-one paid any attention until he strapped the first restraint to Allen's twitching leg. By now his chest was heaving, back arching with effort and blood splashing from his mouth as the wet gurgles turned to wet coughs.

"What are you doing?"

The Head Nurse looked at him as he strapped down the second restraint, asking the question softly as if afraid of the answer. He ignored her question.

"Help me"- Link motioned to the exorcists behind him- "we must restrain him before the convulsions begin."

They did not move. Komui answered for him.

"Convulsions? What do you mean? Why must be restrain him?"

Allen chose this moment to throw himself upwards, spine cracking as he arched impossibly high, blood spewing and spraying with a watery cry. Everyone froze.

Then the Head Nurse jumped back in fright as he crashed back onto the hospital bed and started to twitch sporadically, muscles firing until his body jerked uncontrollably and the screams started.

"Shit. NOW!"

Lavi and Kanda rushed forward as Link beckoned to two of the more built exorcists.

"You two, quickly hold him still"

Lavi, Kanda and Link attempted to fix the restraints over Allen's wild body that had begun to convulse violently. It was not an easy task. His wails and screams increased in volume as he twisted in his tight bonds. Looking at his distress Link felt slightly guilty, but knew this way Walker would cause less damage to himself.

"You.."- the growl had him turning around, eyes tight.

"You have some fucking explaining to do"

Kanda Yuu stood there, next to serious and subdued Bookman Junior, arms crossed and body tense and Link rapidly wondered why he had made a bloody entrance in the first place.

* * *

><p>"I know you are tired but we need some explanations"<p>

Link would have smirked could he have been bothered. Now the Branch Head wanted to be all nice to him. He sighed in an aggrieved way. The couch was comfortable and Link just wanted some rest. He was sat in Komui's office. To his left were the two exorcists. Kanda Yuu leant against the wall sulkily, still with his arms crossed and his body tense. The Bookman Junior however, appeared more relaxed. He let his red hair fall into his face covering the eyepatch and stood with ease, resting his arm of a chair. He did not fool Link.

His gaze moved to the man in front of him. Komui was sitting at his desk with paper and pen. Link guessed it was so his explanation could be reported back to the Head Nurse, who had stayed with the thrashing and screaming Allen, and the now awake and slightly hysterical Lenalee.

Link surprised himself at how unprofessional he knew he must have looked slumped down in the sofa glaring at the rooms occupants. He attempted to gather his wits about him. He had gone for longer periods without sleep. And despite his earlier outrage now was not the time to be difficult. He sighed again.

"That reaction is because he is off the drugs."

Komui gave him a puzzled look but Link continued, not interested in being interrupted.

"Not that I need to tell you but they did things to him in these past 5months that no person could ever endure. That includes Allen's endurance. So when he became… _useless…_they used him as a guinea pig of sorts. New drugs that had many side effects. They pumped him full of different ones every weak. He easily became addicted. Or perhaps more like his life literally depended on them. There were so many that he was on. Everyday they injected him with god knows what. Stimulants to raise awareness and brain activity. His neurons and nerves became so hypersensitive on that one they used it for torture more than anything else though. Ones that were meant to wipe memories. That didn't work very well, no matter how much they gave him. It just made him hallucinate. Others too, one that suppressed emotion. That didn't work either. And one that kept him alive I guess"

Link's voice became noticeably darker as he swallowed against the horrific images flashing in his mind. He hadn't looked at any of the others in the room whilst talking, he would not start now. He did not want to see their faces.

"It used his Innocence. Changed the raw power of his arm into life energy. You've seen it… his arm. Most of the damage is from that drug. With everything that happened to Walker, it would be impossible for a normal human to have survived. So they reinforced his body to make it harder for him to succumb to afflictions such as bleeding out. Of course this only works when he is on the drug. I have no idea the repercussions of what will happen to him now, now he is off it. A backlash maybe? But I did know whatever happened, the withdrawal would be painful. They stripped his Innocence of its raw power and pumped into his veins instead in a effort to keep him alive, just so he could suffer more"

Link was quite surprised to find he was shaking. Ah, it seems he still could not shake his feelings of guilt. He clenched his fists and looked up at this point, seeing the repulsion in Komui's eyes as he imagined what had happened. Kanda's face was twisted into a disgusted scowl as his eyes glittered with an emotion Link could easily identify with- hatred. And Bookman Junior has his mask up, as Link knew he would. But he could see it, the same shaking he had, one of barely suppressed anger.

"…What did they do to him"

Link drew his attention back to Komui as he voiced the soft question. At that, Link's eyes hardened, his fists clenching tighter.

"All the wounds. The state Allen is in. Just what has happened to him…"

Link set his lips in a thin line. He stood up and made his way to the door. He thought perhaps not to even answer but paused at the entrance of the office, turning back but refusing to meet anyone's gaze.

"It is not my place to tell you. And nor do I wish too"

He closed the door softly and Komui felt nauseated for the second time already as he processed the haunted look in Links eyes as he said those words.

* * *

><p><em>Where…<em>

_It was dark. But a different kind of dark. Everything hurt._

_Wasn't that strange? It always hurt, but not like this. _

_A burning agony… a different kind of pain that…_

_Ah. Where was he again? _

_That voice. It had said home. What did it mean?_

_He wasn't home. Was he?_

_Oh. He couldn't remember. It must be because the pain was so great. It was hot and itchy and uncomfortable. It made him want to lash out and stop it. He hated this feeling. _

_It was so hot. The darkness was being swallowed by flames. It was all he could feel. Burning, getting stronger and stronger until…._

Lenalee jumped as Allen's eyes shot open.

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><p><em><strong>Hope you enjoyed it. I know some people may have been hoping for some awake Allen in this chapter and may have been dissapointed, but you know whats coming up next now. Its a good cliffhanger no? So next chapter more focus on Lenalee, Allen and i've got a bit of Lavi too! Have a wonderful holiday season everyone!<strong>_ xxx


	6. Hope

_**Hello. Sorry this update took a while. To be honest, I lacked inspirtation to do this because I wasnt sure where to go, what direction to take bla bla bla. It was hard to get motivated when it was something that no matter how I wrote it, I wasnt 100% sure. But I have done the best I could and at least from now I know where I am going. This was definitley the hardest chapter to write but I'm pretty much back on track. Sorry for making you wait!**_

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><p>The bright lights hurt his eyes. This was not darkness. Here he was not dominated by that realm of black and red. Faces were not swirls of colour transforming themselves into hungry beasts waiting to tear him apart. The air was cool and clean, a strong acrid bitter smell of chemicals tinged the freshness he felt. The temperature was pleasantly warm, his surroundings comfortable and soft. He could no deal with it. Allen couldn't comprehend his current situation. Was this another drug, another hallucination? He couldn't remember where he was, what had happened. It was a regular occurrence yet there were a few familiarities that were to occur no matter what that let him stay calm. For one it was that mans face and his sickly smooth voice, that black uniform he recognised so well. But there was none of that here, except the restraints. He was still being forced being held. And yet it scared him even more this time because it was new. Who were these people who restrained him? What did they want, what were they going to do? With the familiarities gone so did any sense of knowing what was to come. He did not think he could manage it if he was not prepared. All this time, he knew what was coming. It was the only thing he could take comfort in. And yet now, he was thrown into the abyss. His mind reeled…<p>

_The smell of metal mixed with blood was overwhelming. It burned his nostrils as be breathed in the stench through heavy laboured breaths. It was all around him, in his hair, his face, his arms, legs, chest, hands... everywhere. He could feel the stickiness of congealing blood cling to his body, could feel the rawness as air stung the ripped jagged edges of his flesh that has been sheared apart. There was pain and a numbness, a sort of seeping cold and at the same time a uncomfortable warmth that he recognised as his own crimson life slowly leaking out of him and running into the filthy gutter that was at the end of his cell. His bones ached, pressed together and twisted unnaturally as his arms screamed against the chains holding they upright, the muscles wasted. The cell was a concrete coffin, a tiny space in which he has been cramped. There was no light, no sound, no sensations expect his owns body's shortcomings and his own madness that preyed on his sanity._

He wanted to be free from this imprisonment. Panic welled inside him, urged him to move, to try. He had not felt this unfamiliar feeling in a while. An emotion, urging his actions. He blindly wanted to escape from this confusion. Then a voice was there, a face, and he relaxed. There was his signpost of familiarity. He let himself go like he always did.

* * *

><p>They had all heard the short scream and recognised it as being Lenalee's voice. Instantly Komui was up and racing back to the infirmary, Kanda and Lavi behind him. They entered amidst further chaos, Link already there having changed course from his bedroom when he also heard the burst of noise. Lenalee chest expanding in heaves and Komui moved quickly to her, asking if she was hurt.<p>

"N..No. He surprised me is all"

Lavi looked down to the very much awake Allen who was gasping for breaths, his eyes no longer wide and glassy but darting around uncontrollably. He tried to move his body but upon finding he could not, he became distressed.

"Allen…Allen can you hear me? It's Lenalee. Allen are you awake?"

Allen did not reply instead choosing to attempt to rip his arms free from the restraints despite the state of his weak body. Lenalee moved her hand down to touch him as she began to speak again, only to be cut off

"Don't! Don't touch me!"

Allen shrieked, still not even looking at Lenalee, and renewed his efforts with vigour. Link came around at the head of the bed so Allen could not see him from his position.

"It's best if you step away a bit. I imagine he is disorientated."

Despite Link's clipped voice Lenalee moved back, allowing Link to come into view. And do something very surprising. He leaned into Allen, his faces inches from his and spoke sternly.

"Walker. I know you can hear me. I know you know me, Walker. You're home. "

The tension in Allen's body relaxed slightly as if hypnotised by the voice.

"Y…Yo..u…Ahhhhh…I..S..ee"

The white haired boy mumbled, his words slurred as he gave up all efforts, turning his head away from Link and sighing. No protest or movement was made as he allowed Link to inject him with more sedative.

* * *

><p>Lavi watched in silence as Allen twisted and jerked in the bed. He pulled at the restraints of his wrists, banging them up and down in a feeble attempt to remove them. Lenalee was there, whispering soothing words to him as he whimpered and thrashed. He was held securely but the friction of the rubber restraints over his entire body meant damage was not unavoidable. The major wounds had remained closed but the skin was being rubbed raw underneath the bandages, Allen's wrists already looking inflamed and painfully pink. Lavi glanced over to Link who stood there watching the semi-conscious boy writhe. His posture suggested he was relaxed but the tension in his shoulders told Lavi he was waiting for something else to happen, for the boy to awaken. He found the earlier spectacle strange. How could this Crow calm Allen down like that? Lavi looked back to Allen. His face was twisted into a pained grimace. His skin was deathly pale, a light sheen of sweat covering it. He looked so incredibly ill. Lavi felt waves of anger radiate inside him. This was the comrade he had seen as his little brother. Not that he would be admitting it, but he had tried to be there for Allen. He felt protective like a brother would have although he could never understand where these feelings came from. And yet, what could he, a Bookman, do for him? Certainly even now, he watched him in pain. He knew full well Allen had been used in every way possible. A pawn, a lab rat, a puppet. An animal. He could spot the marks himself and guess, although he did not know the details of his torture. He hated himself for acting indifferent. Especially now when it mattered, now Allen was awake. It was now he needed to be there for him as his friend. How was that such a hard thing to do?<p>

* * *

><p>Lenalee rubbed her eyes as she pushed around the food on her plate. In all honesty she was too tired to eat right now, but found herself forcing it down her under her brothers disapproving comments and the forcefulness of her own common sense. She felt oddly displaced. On one hand she felt in a rush, there was a sensation of being pulled somewhere. And yet she could not bring her self to move at all. Lenalee looked up to see Lavi watching her thoughtfully.<p>

"Let me guess where you're going after this"

Lenalee sighed and shrugged softly, not bothering to answer the question, instead retuning it

"And you're coming with me I suppose?"

Lavi sighed and ran a hand through his hair agitatedly. Lenalee felt herself soften as she looked at her comrade. Lavi's initial attempts at trying to tell them he was looking after Allen for Bookman benefits of recording the situation has fallen on flat ears. She knew he felt exactly how she did about this whole situation.

"Not that it will do much good, either of us. But yeah, I'll be coming with you. I'm guessing Link is already there"

Lavi muttered tiredly, head slumped in his hands. Lenalee understood his frustration at the lack of progress anyone had made but she felt bitter at seeing the dejected attitude. A lack of hope now would accomplish nothing. She nudged Lavi slightly and stood up, sweeping up her plates and calling behind her

"Come on Lavi, we should visit him."

* * *

><p>Lenalee was surprised as she came up to the infirmary to hear a serious amount of noise coming from within. They had picked up Kanda on the way and Lenalee had convinced him to come with them, as sulky as he was about the idea. She exchanged a look with the two male exorcists behind her as she carefully opened the doors, unsure of what they were going to find.<p>

The Head Nurse accompanied by several other nurses were crowded in the corner of the infirmary. Lenalee could see from where she was that the Head Nurse sported a purplish bruise on her cheek. She rushed forward towards the source of the commotion and stopped dead at the sight. Allen was huddled in the corner, Innocence arm trailed behind him in a bloody mess of lumpy flesh as he gripped the top of it near his shoulder, in an attempt to draw the appendage closer to his body. He was trembling forcefully and Lenalee sucked in a breath as she caught his eyes. The druggy haze that had dulled them the past few days was gone, and now Allen glared out from underneath his dirty bangs with a look of pure fear and confusion.

"What's happened?"

Lenalee gasped at the Head Nurse who did not move to face her but kept her eyes on Allen in front of her

"I don't know. He woke up but it was different. We had removed the restraints; we didn't think he would be able to move. I went to check he was okay and suddenly I was on the floor and he was backing into the corner, harming anyone who came close. He's like a wild animal." The Head Nurse shook her head, her fingers wandering to the side of her face as she swept across the bruise Allen has made.

Lenalees heart nearly burst. She felt a surge of sadness at the sight of her dear friend in such a pitiful state. Gone was the boy who smiled at everything, the happiness and the light and the strength. She could not take this miserable broken form in front of her. Slowly she moved forwards.

"Careful, Lenalady"

She ignored Lavi's warnings. She remembered what had been there when he first broke through. In their fight, Allen had not killed her that time. Instead she had seen it, that flash of recognition in his eyes. He had called her knew if she could get him to recognise them all, it would be okay.

Allen whimpered as she moved closer to him, eyes narrowing suspiciously. Yet there was that flicker of recognition again. Lenalee wondered if he recognised them, why was he so terrified. Allen was muttering repeatedly under his breath as he shuffled, dragging the arm closer to him leaving bloody streaks on the floor. She could see his swollen mouth where it had been sewn shut, his once soft lips ripped and punctured. Despite the tension in Allens body, Lenalee did not stop as she slowly inched closer to him. She got close enough to hear what it was he was muttering

"Another drug. A dream, a hallucination. Not real, It's not real. Cant believe it, wont. Wont believe, wont break. A hallucination, wont believe it."

Ah. Her heart shattered. His fragile, terrified state all of a sudden made sense. Allen could not allow himself to believe they were real. It had probably been something they had tried before to break him. Hope is so much more dangerous in a hopeless place. If he believed in a lie, he would break when the harsh truth was upon him. She could tell that despite a lot of his messed up mental state was due to the incredible amount of drugs, there was no doubt of the mental torture that Allen had had to endure. She remembering first seeing him wake up and hoped that he was not too far gone. Link had said once the drugs influence has been reduced, Allen would be more human again. And Lenalee could see that he was more broken.

"Allen. It's Lenalee. I know you remember me" she reached out her hand gently. Allen stopped muttering and froze, his eyes never leaving her outstretched hand.

"Allen. Please. You're safe now. Your home"

She very carefully caressed the side of Allens face as he had done to her, waiting for him to respond. She locked eyes with him and smiled softly.

"You don't have to be scared or worried anymore, Allen-Kun. So…so Welcome Home"

His eyes widened as he stretched out his non-innocence arm to mirror Lenalees movements, touching her hair softly.

"Lenalee"

She knelt as a comrade the same age as her buried his head into her soft arms and gripped onto her to anchor himself to the world.

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><p><em><strong>I hope it was okay. I would seriously appreciate as many reviews as possible for this one because I need to know what you thought of Allen's charcter. I'm planning on getting him more in-character rather then OOC in the coming chapters, but i need some inspiration and guidance off my readers as to what you want to see, because I'm struggling a little bit Since its my first ever fanfic. i need to know if im doing well or not at all haha!<br>**_

___**Sorry and I really do thank you and hope you all had a great start to the new year! **_


	7. Hurt

_**First, I have to say thank you so much for everyone for being so utterly wonderful and helpful. I want to apologise for being soo completely needy but you were all so kind and really helpful. I wanted to post this sooner but my laptop crashed so it was a bit complicated. Hope you all enjoy!**_

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><p>It had been a week since Allen had first burst through the Order floors and returned, four days since Lenalee had cradled him in her arms. He had not let her touch him since. He would not let anyone touch him at all. After the initial relief at seeing Allen react to her, Lenalee felt he had taken a step back, even though she knew that the fact he could even stay conscious for more than several hours was an improvement in itself. Allen was confined to the infirmary for the moment, his body still a complete wreck. He had to be sedated to some extent every time the Head Nurse needed to attend to him. Kanda happened to walk in at one such time, fresh from a mission and thoroughly irritated at the noise.<p>

"NO! No don't touch me. Let me go!"

Allen squirmed in the two nurse's grips as he kicked out at them in an attempt to free himself.

"Shhh, it's okay Allen-kun. They're not going to hurt you"

Lenalee was there, as always, whispering words of comfort to try and calm the boy. Kanda watched as he flailed, snorting at the image of Allen. He reminded him of a young child who was frightened as he shrieked and gasped. Pathetic.

"Not again, no more!"

Allen was frantic, scrabbling at the wrists of the nurses who held him in a vice grip. The Head Nurse seized his forearm, ready to inject the sedative just as Allen whipped his head round and saw the needle, his anxiety level going up even more than possible. Kanda did not know why he did it but he made to move in closer, despite his patience waning and anger bubbling at the idea seeing the same situation replay itself time and time again, Or maybe those feelings were to do with Lavi standing there to his left, watching the entire drama silently with his stupid Bookman face on. He did not say anything to him though as at that moment Allen shouted out, arm breaking free from the nurses hold and lashing out towards the needle. Kanda wanted to roll his eyes at the obviousness of this outcome but Allen was like a cornered animal and his fragile state meant nothing in the face of his sheer panic, so instead he che'd and angrily pushed forwards to pin him down as the Head Nurse ducked to avoid being hit. He had a terrible fucking headache and this stupid beansprout was making it worse. As he reached to yank Allen's hand down to his side Allen's fist made contact with his face as he jerked around. Allen instantly stopped moving. The resounding crack of bone on bone echoed into the silence as everyone turned with anticipated expressions to see Kanda snap.

…

"You fucking BEANSPROUT! Stay fucking still!"

Kanda roared at the boy and swiped the syringe off the Head Nurse, ignoring both the strange look of terror in the boys eyes and Lenalee's berating words as he plunged it into Allens arm and injected the damn sedatives. Allen went lax in Kanda's grip, his eyes rolled as he felt the first wave of the effects wash over him. Kanda let go of his wrist and moved his hand to his face to wipe away the blood from the scratch that was surrounded by a rapidly forming bruise. He straightened up and was about to storm away when another hand came into his vision and he froze. Allen was suddenly staring at him, a different sort of pain in his eyes as his hand came up to finger the bruise on Kanda's face. The look was the same as the terror he had a moment ago, and Kanda recognised with surprise it held guilt and shame instead of fear. Kanda was too startled to move, instead wondering what the damn beansprouts obsession was with touching peoples faces was.

"Ah…no, no, no. Sorry"

Allen frowned, his eyebrows drawing together as he tried to form the words.

What? Kanda still didn't move, processing the words. Was he apologising for …?

"Hurt you… I didn't mean… to hurt you. I'm sorry…"

The beansprout looked at him sadly, his eyes imploring Kanda to believe his words until they slowly drooped closed.

"Sorry" he gasped as he slipped asleep under the sedatives, his hand that rested on Kanda's cheek falling to clang against the metal bed frame.

Kanda was in shock. What the fuck had just happened. He continued to stare, wide eyed at the still form of the beansprout on the bed. That had definitely been unexpected. Kanda remembered how to function again and turned sharply, leaving behind a lot of shocked onlookers as he stormed out of the infirmary doors. No-one saw the tiny glimmer in his eyes as he left.

* * *

><p>Allen awoke confused. No-one was surrounding him this time. They were not poking and prodding him. It put him on edge when they all crowded around him, he did not want them touching him. He was dirty, and he would taint them. <strong>He<strong> had said so. He was scum and filth and he had no place in the light. Maybe that was why he was so comfortable in the dim glow of the lamps. The brightness scared him almost as much as the darkness did. He felt relaxed under this ambient glow.

His mind wheeled back to earlier as he listened to his own breathing. The injections and the nurses. He did not want to be a guinea pig again, he thought he had escaped from that. He hated all those drugs they gave him. A roll of nausea washed over him and he felt his muscles scream out as he shifted, reminding him of what exactly they did to him. Although, he couldn't really remember specifics of each drug. He just knew that whatever was going to be injected into him, it would be bad, he had learned that much.

He drew himself out of his thoughts and trained his eyes on his surrounding. He may not have liked the crowding but he also disliked the silence. He remembered being in that dark place forever, hearing nothing but his own heart beat and left to his own thoughts. He had slowly learnt how to drown his own thoughts out. His memories has started to escape him, as time went on all he knew was that it hurt to remember the past. It made everything harder, he wanted so badly to give up. But even though he didn't know why, he knew that was not an option. Something told him to never give up and he listened…it was the only thing that he found did not waver in his heart. So he clung to it and he did not let go.

However now here he was, completely lost once again and he didn't know what to do. He had never been so utterly confused. Why did he recognise these people? Why did they seem to be different to the others? And the visions – the climb out of the drug induced fog that smothered his brain left him with bouts of flashing images that felt like a puzzle he had to put together until he realised they were the memories of the past months the drugs had suppressed. They came in white hot bursts and made him want to vomit. Blood, bones, a knife plunging into his skin, his arm bursting suddenly, his muscles exploding through skin and the other people.

A sudden voice interrupted his thoughts

* * *

><p>"You're awake I see"<p>

Allen twisted his neck to see the red headed guy from before standing there quietly. His face was so familiar to Allen. He wanted to reach out and touch it, to affirm it was real, that he was real and not an illusion. He could still not shake the doubts that plagued his mind. But he didn't this time.

"Not going to freak out again are ya?"

Allen had no idea what this guy was talking about. In the mellow atmosphere of the evening, the effects of the sedative still lingered making him relaxed, even if he was confused. He felt as though this person would not hurt him. But he could not help but flinch as he saw the red heads hand move closer to you

"Ahh I get it, I won't touch you"

There was a sigh and a pause, Allen was still trying to get his brain to function properly in his haze.

"What is it your so afraid of. I can see it you know, you remember us. You surely know we aren't going to hurt you, or we'd have done it by now"

Allen turned to the guy frowning, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

"Cant… be sure. 'Sides might …hurt you"

This was the feeling that he had since he had woken up. He flashed back to hitting that other man. He recognised him too, angry features that did not scare him like they should have. Allen had not meant to hurt him… just like all the others. The men with haunted eyes who came at him with bloodlust and metal and who he had…

He had not wanted too. Or had he? No, he was sure, it somewhat hurt the most to think of them despite all his other pains. It was an ache that nothing but oblivion of his consciousness could erase, the guilt gnawing at him endlessly. They had done things to him, and tried to kill him. But yet it hurt to think of their lifeless limp bodies hitting the ground as their blood seeped through him. Yes it was guilt, he had felt it when he saw the blood of the other guy

"What? You might hurt us? ... I see, is that what you think? Is that why you apologised to Yuu before?"

Allen shook his head and swallowed. Talking was hard, his mouth was so dry and he gone from not talking at all to suddenly having to communicate with these people. He looked up and focused on the eye path the man had. This time he reached out and touched this. He could not hurt a wound already made.

"They… hurt you too? Me?"

Lavi looked down at the boy who started at him with confused eyes. His own gaze softened at the tenderness in the boys actions. Lavi could feel the desperate need to understand radiating off of Allen as he struggled to communicate with Lavi.

"No. It wasn't you. You haven't hurt anyone. Not really. I just mean that before, you wouldn't of apologised to Yuu for a simple punch… I guess its no surprise though. What with how much you've been hurt huh? It's so typical of you Allen, did you know that? To empathise even now…"

Lavi understood now. He apologised for hurting Kanda because he knew what it was like to be hurt.

Shit.

Why had he come here? To see if Allen was a violent mess who was beyond help? Why did part of him needed to believe that? Was it because unlike everyone else he had some idea of what was to come. Seriously did they all really think it would be so easy? That Allen would snap back and it would be fine? He knew that dragging Allen out of his own mind would be painful and some part of him wished they wouldn't have to do it. And now…now he hated that part. Not because it would be hard for Allen but he was going to give up on him because it was what was the easiest for him. He wouldn't have to worry about Jiji's opinions on his un-bookman behaviour because he wouldn't have had to be there for Allen. No conflict between his emotions and his duties. Except Allen was most definitely still the same deep down. He grabbed the had gently resting on his face and bent over, folding in on himself and squeezing his eyes shut as he felt the shame ripple through him at the thought of his selfishness.

"…Fuck Allen. Just come back wont ya? "

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><p><em><strong>Some bromance going on there ;). Right I need to do this, it may be boring for some of you though :P :<br>**_

__Badee Badaa Doo - _**thank you so much for easing my doubts about characterisation. It was helpful to know that you guys understand what I'm trying to achieve and Im not going horribly wrong! **__**Your review really made me happy!**_  
><em><strong><br>**_

Masked Bard of Chaos** - _thanks for consistently motivating me each chapter :)_**

****Toadstoolteaparty- _**thanks for your encouragment!**_

_****_weirdsquirrelgirl- _**ontop of having a hilarious username your suggestions for inspiration were really great, thank you! and also you general suggestions were spooky- i though you had raided my **__**head!**_** :D**  
><em><em>**  
><strong>

DoomNightat12- _**thank you! im glad it keeps you drawn in, i wanted it to be a pae turner!**_

__Just Another Fanfiction Nerd -_** your ideas are great and much appreciated, thank you! its so cool to see the people reading this are on the same wave length as me haha!**_

_****_Kuroya-Hime_**- you've also been inside my head! i love a bit of mana love coming from Allen. I'm really excited to write that part, its coming soon!**_

Kawaiiprods_- **thank you for you review! I'm relived Allen isnt horribly OOC, just messed up instead lol!**_

_****_Origami Lotus, TNT, Akimoto Ayumu, Pharoahyamifan, EXO718: _**thank you guys so much for you encouraging comments, you have no idea how much it motivates me to do better and better!**_

_**I hope I didnt miss anyone out. I thank EVERYONE who commented in my hour of need so i felt it was neccesary to thank you all personally, and I dont know any other way to do it yet haha! Another chapter coming shortly. With added Link!  
><strong>_


	8. Wounds

_**Sorry it took a little while. I really do have it all planned in a grand scehme kind of way so it's just getting the right pieces together. Anyway this all about the Allen torture right now. Enjoy!**_

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><p>Lenalee sighed, defeated, as she put the plate of food down on the bedside table next to her. The last vestiges of drug induced haze had been stripped from Allen and with it came the unawareness of the pain the boy had been in. His resilience to pain killers that burned out after a matter of half an hour had not helped, along with his reluctance to take any drugs in the first place. In short, the boy was a mess of constant agony. Allen was withdrawn and confused instead of submissive and dazed and the difference showed. The horrific injuries that marred his body had hit Allen with full force and the effects of the pain were beginning to show.<p>

Lenalee placed a gentle hand of Allen's shoulder, cringing internally as she watched him flinch but slightly pleased he had not freaked out as he used to. Although she somewhat thought it was because he could no longer move _to_ freak out.

"Allen, wont you please eat something? It will help you feel better"

Allen shook his head. Nausea rolled around in his stomach at the thought of food and he knew he could not keep it down. But more so, he could not stand the thought of the slimy feel of the food as it slipped down his throat.

"Allen _please._ You have to understand, not eating is making you sicker"

Lenalee was at her wits end. She could feel the heat rising from the boy just from touching his shoulder. Fever had set in as the consequences of wounds left to fester and infect were no longer suppressed. Lenalee could see now how Allen was struggling, his breath shallow and fast, coming out in laboured pants. A patch of red staining the crisp white bandages on his stomach caught her attention. She moved her hand to hover over the wound yet as she did so the boy did more than flinch.

Allen cried out, moving his arm as if to bat her own away but the force was nothing, not even a hit, in his weakened state. He twisted away from her, attempting to sit up and move but his body could not sustain his strength and he back crashed down from its arched position. Lenalee jumped, panicked and quickly moved to give Allen space

"It's okay, I'm not going to touch you. Please calm down, Allen-kun. Its okay"

Allen panted, his eyes rolling in panic as he wheezed in his twisted position. Just a simple movement like that had taken all of his strength from him and his insides felt as though they were on fire. He was struggling to draw air as a metallic taste clawed its way up its throat.

Lenalee's panic spiked as she saw Allen's body curl in its self suddenly. Horrible wet sounding coughs emitted from Allen, his frail body shuddering with the effort as they tore through him. To her horror, blood was forced out with each cough, spilling from his mouth and into his hands as his body tensed rigidly with each painful hack.

"Oh no, wait here Allen-kun. Just hold on"

Lenalee fled to the end of his room and called out for one of the nurses to come, all the while freaking out. She had not meant to do this, she tried to be so careful. As the sounds behind her continued she felt tears spring to her eyes.

The Head Nurse rushed into the room, straight past her. She pushed Allen up so that his body was not longer curled in on itself and held his torso upright. Lenalee flinched when he vomited blood, thick clots of dark red tumbled out of Allen mouth. The coughing slowed, turning into a rapid gasping wheeze as the boy tried to regain his breath. He was in too much pain to care that he was being held by another human.

Suddenly, Link was by her side.

"What happened"

Lenalee opened and closed her mouth like a fish. She felt as though she was in shock, the stress of the situation that was now finished made the wetness in her eyes spill over.

"Miss Lee?"

"I just tried to…to help. He was so hot. I didn't think he could even move. He was bleeding and I wanted to check his wound but he… he got scared and tried to get away and, and…I don't know. He sort of had a fit. I'm sorry I…"

Link just nodded as he went over to stand near Allen. The Head Nurse came over and gently patted Lenalee's back.

"It wasn't your fault. His wounds are very painful and he has a lot of internal bleeding and infection inside his body. His organs are… damaged, in many ways. The sudden movement must have been too much"

Lenalee nodded, not trusting her self to speak. She hated this. It had been nearly 3 weeks since everything had happened and she felt as though everything was just getting worse. She had been happy when Allen had finally been freed of the mentally paralysing effects of the drugs, hoping that maybe he would now recognise them. But instead, their painful backlash and withdrawal had meant Allen was in an even worse state. He was in so much danger, his body so thin and frail and yet placed under so much stress. The pain was so great, she had not doubt of that. He couldn't eat, couldn't move, could barely speak. He couldn't even breath, most of the time hooked up to oxygen as he lay there in unimaginable pain without any pain killers to take the edge off. The worst thing by far was his innocence arm. The doctors had initially decided to stitch it up the best they could. The grotesque mounds of pulverized flesh that had knotted together and burst through skin were horrific to look up. Blood constantly flowed and the skin around the rips was tinged grey. However as soon as they had made to touch it, the boy had reacted more violently than ever. Lenalee would never forget the screams. It was too raw to be touched without pain killers and was left until a solution could be made, all the while the rips festered.

Lenalee was brought out of her thoughts by Link's voice, strangely different from his normal monotone.

"Head Nurse, his fever has gone up considerably since yesterday. Perhaps something is wrong? His reaction just now too much for just a bit of movement"

Lenalee realised with surprise that it was concern she was hearing in Link's voice. His words also made her worried. What is something else _was_ wrong? The Head Nurse frowned and placed a hand on the now barely conscious Allen. He was shivering violently, his body almost shuddering and his muscles twitched occasionally. His face was ridiculously pale expect for the bright splash of red colouring his cheeks. She felt his forehead and indeed, felt the fever there was positively raging with heat.

"Mr Link, would you mind while Mr Walker cannot make a fuss, to help me check his wounds?"

Link nodded and began to unravel the bandages surrounding Allen's torso. The Head Nurse turned to Lenalee.

"Miss Lee, please try and keep him cool"

* * *

><p>Lenalee felt slightly afraid to do so again. However one look at Allen's pain filled grimace removed any fear. As she placed the cloth on Allen's head she saw the wounds beneath the bandages. She nearly vomited. The wounds themselves were disgusting gashes that were red raw and inflamed and oozed yellow pus. But it was the smell- the smell of something rotting that got her. Allen seemed just like a corpse. She held back a sob that threatened to break free and concentrated on her Head Nurse rubbed some salve on the wounds that Link exposed, the two working together methodically for a few minutes while Allen jerked and twitched as he felt his wounds being touched.<p>

Lenalee could see beneath the fresh rips in his papery skin the scars that were already there. There were the large, obvious ones; purple and twisted shiny flesh. But when she looked closely she could see layer upon layer of thin cuts where Allen's skin had been ribboned, precise thin cuts underlying the hacking slashes that bled and wept over the top. On his sides in between each protruding rib were holed jagged welts where it was clear a spike had been shoved into each delicate crevice of his bone structure.

As Lenalee traced the scars she saw how one side of his chest caved in, the ribs poking out even more in what was clearly broken angles. She frowned at the recency of the injury, the purple bruises much darker than most of the others showing their freshness. And their severity. Lenalee's eyes wandered over to the wound the Head Nurse was currently addressing, the one she had seen bleeding on Allen's stomach. It was not so much a ripped open gash than a clean puncture of the skin, an open wound that went straight through as though Allen had be pierced by a sharp object. This wound too was very recent, the blood spilling out a deep red and rapidly, but with no infection to be found. A sudden cold feeling of horror and understanding started to well inside Lenalee. Reluctantly, as though in a trance, she moved away from Allen's forehead, letting the cloth slip down to the pillow as she ignored the other two around her were calling out to her. She moved around him to reach his other side and gently tugged the sheets covering Allen's lower stomach down and rolled him ever so slightly to the side. With sick realisation she froze. There, all up his side, were fresh raw burn marks, covering the skin with angry blisters. With a real sob this time she backed away from Allen as it all sunk in. These were the injuries that _they _had caused.

* * *

><p>Link studied the situation before him very carefully. His mind recalled back to an hour earlier. He had followed Miss Lee to her brother's office where upon the way they had come across Bookman Junior and Kanda Yuu. The two exorcists had immediately decided that the crying girl was somehow a result of his actions and had angrily demanded an explanation until the truth of the situation had come to light. He had followed them to Komui's office where she explained in between gasped sobs of what she had realised. Komui had wrapped his arms around her when she had finished and she cried into his shoulder. Kanda Yuu did not move but the Bookman Junior had left the room. Angrily, Link had noted. And now here he was, having followed the young lady again as he saw her go outside and <em>not<em> into her room, despite the late hour of the night.

The moon was bright and cast a luminous silver glow over the small garden. The colour that it washed the scenery in reminded him of Allen. He could not understand why he had followed her but something about her distress had stirred up his own guilt. Walker had cared greatly for this girl. He felt compelled to reassure her somehow.

"Those wounds aren't what have made him like this you know?"

The question was blunt and abrupt, and he saw Lenalee turn her head with wide surprised eyes as he approached her sitting on the ledge of the stone walkway. Her eyes were red and watery but they softened at his words.

"We still did that to him. Even if he had wounds before, those were the wounds we inflicted. Pain we caused"

Link felt himself ache at her words. They caused the guilt to flare painfully in his chest.

"You didn't hurt him deliberately. You were trying to protect everyone"

Lenalee looked astonished at his soft words coming from his hard voice. Link coughed, slightly embarrassed as she gazed at him wonderingly. She looked down, a sad smile on her face.

"I should have been there to protect him… I wasn't there when it mattered most"

Her selfless tears moved Link. He could not longer take this roaring pain of shame and guilt that threatened to eat him alive

"I was…" he blurted out. Lenalee shot him a glance but he looked away, afraid he could not continue.

"I was there. I could have done something you know? I could have…_protected_ him. But I…

"But you didn't"

A harsh voice stopped Link before he could say more and he turned to see a fierce and unforgiving green eye glare at him from where the red-headed Bookman Jr. stood. Lenalee looked alarmed at his comment as Link squared his shoulders against the hostility in Lavi's voice.

"It.. it wasn't that easy. I know its not an excuse but…"

"Easy? Yeah, I'm sure it was so _hard _for you to stand around and take order and watch him get tortured. That was what you wanted after all, why you were meant to spy on him."

Link felt himself step back in the wake of the bitterness that flowed from the words spat at him. He didn't know what to say, how to explain himself. They were right. He had been sent to spy and at that time, any consequences were not his problem. And when he found himself realising they were his problem, he still did nothing. He followed orders because it was all he had known. And yet, a part of him swelled in anger at the insinuations of the Bookman Jr. in front of him. If anything he was the same, both blindly following others orders. The hypocrisy of the red heads words blinded the shame he felt all of a sudden.

"Oh? And why do you care, _Bookman Junior"_

Link hissed the words at the red head who scowled furiously, opening his mouth to argue back

"Lavi! How could you say that. Allen is here thanks to Link-san. No matter what happened before now, he is the reason Allen was able to escape, did you forget that!"

Lenalee's angry words interrupted any further arguing and Link was sure he looked just as surprised as the Bookman Jr. at the sudden angry out burst of the previously crying girl. She threw a glare at Lavi and stood, approaching Link. She put a hand gently on his in a comforting gesture but when Link looked at her eyes, they burned.

"Just as Lavi _does_ care, so do you. You brought him back. It may have taken time, but you're protecting him now. I never did thank you"

Link bowed his head, all anger forgotten and unable to concentrate as he felt that burning guilt and shame reach a crescendo inside him under her gentle words.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Oooo! Needed to see a bit of Allen in pain, I think you guys nearly forgot he was meant to be near death! Lots of things to come- some questions will be answered and Allen is back next chapter with all his messed up thoughts. Lovely. The ball is really going to start rolling in the coming chapters, lots of things going to happen. I mean lots.<br>**_

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><p><em>Weird Squirrel Girl -<em>** I have started to read it, and its good, however I dont have too much time and also, I dont know the charcters so im finding it hard to attach myself. But it was a good suggestion!**

_Masked Bard of Chaos_ -** I have to agree you are turning into somewhat of a mentor for a newbie like me! And i was speechless. In fact i was nearly breathless. **

_Bad__ee Badaa Boo-_ **thank you, Im glad the humour was picked up on. Its subtle but there haha! **

_**General comment- if anyone feels distracted by the notes to other authors (such as above) I am sorry and please tell me how to commincate with other authors as I dont know any other way but putting it at the end of my story yet! Thank you**_


	9. Survival

**_Some answered questions and some more questions. A nice and long chapter. Hope you enjoy! _**

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><p>In some regards Allen had made progress. Some of his wounds had begun to heal and thus the pain had subsided, if only a little. But it was enough to see a change in him. He was able to move now, no longer gripped in the throws of fever. With lucidity parts of the Allen they had all known were showing through, but he was still so withdrawn and untrusting. He still hated to be touched too much, was still suspicious of help from others. But he was remembering everyone slowly but surely. However his growing strength of awareness also meant a few problems. Namely, Allen's refusal to eat. It was probably one of the most surprising changes in the boy and had become an ongoing battle. Allen had trouble keeping food down, so they catered to that fact and gave him foods that were soft and easy to swallow. But he refused to even touch them. What's more is that Komui had noticed the actions to not be out of stubbornness of suspicion but of fear and disgust. Allen's behaviour confused everyone and they were starting to get desperate.<p>

"Allen-kun. Just eat a bit…try some maybe?"

Lenalee held the tray of food down for him to see. Allen laid sat up, 3 soft balls in his lap. He felt each one is his hand, absorbed in his task as he rolled each ball individually between his palms. His eyes flicked up to meet Lenalee's before he shook his head and went back to devoting his attention to his 'game'. He barely even bothered to acknowledge the food in her hand.

"_Please_ Allen-kun?"

Lenalee was out of ideas, and resorted to simply begging the boy. Instead he physically turned away from her.

"I don't want to"

"Lenalee…. If the stupid moyashi wants to starve then let him."

Lenalee resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the oriental man who leant on the wall opposite her, his sharp eyes watching Allen play contentedly with the juggling balls. He was irritated, she could tell by the way he stood.

"He needs to eat. It's important to help him get better. Stop being so unhelpful. Why don't you try if you can get him to eat?"

Lenalee offered the tray out to Kanda with one eyebrow raised, showing her displeasure at his attitude. She thought back to the other day when she last tried.

_Lenalee sighed as Allen ignored the food she was holding yet again, instead he reached out and tried grabbed one of the golems floating near him, attempting to catch it. She was frustrated at his refusal but smiled affectingly at the action._

"_I wonder why he won't eat anything…" Lenalee sighed softly. She glanced to Link who had taken refuge in the shadowy corner of the infirmary and noticed his expression. He looked almost guilty and most definitely resigned, until he saw her looking and he schooled his face into his usual impassive mask. Lenalee watched as he strode out, wondering just what it was exactly that he knew. _

Lenalee had meant to ask Link about it but had yet to find a time to bring it up. She was snapped out of her thoughts as Kanda took the tray from her. She blinked, shocked. No way was he actually going to try…? Was he?

* * *

><p>Kanda's irritability level went up at that stupid look on Lenalees face. Hadn't she just wanted to him try?<p>

"What?" he snapped, glaring at her defiantly as she stared open mouthed at him.

"Oh no. N..nothing"

Kanda che'd angrily and slammed the flood down next to him, loud enough to snap the beansprout out of his trance.

"Ah. So loud" Allen complained, childishly covering his ears. Kanda ignored his annoying comment.

"Oi, listen to me. I don't give a shit about what those fucking Crow did to you. I'm sick of your act when you know damn well who we are. Its just food, for fuck sake and you're going to eat it."

Allen stared blankly at the swordsman for a moment as Kanda's words hung in the air. Lenalee held her breath, disapproving but eager to see if it heralded any response.

Allen went back to playing with the balls in front of him.

Kanda snapped, as predicted. How dare the fucking moyashi just ignore him like that! Ignoring all sense of subtlety and empathy Kanda let his blind rage control him as he grabbed a fist full of food and the moyashi's mouth, which was already open in surprise at his sudden movements, and shoved the food right down his stupid throat, satisfied as Allen swallowed unconsciously.  
>Unsurprisingly Allen panicked, squirming away from Kanda's grip as he shook his head over and over again like a wounded beast. Lenalee was already pushing Kanda out of the way, berating him for his harsh actions yet again. She tried to calm Allen down as he hacked and gagged.<p>

"Leave him for a second, he'll get over it"

Kanda murmured from his stand point, personally wishing the moyashi would stop being such a fucking girl all his life. Lenalee turned and glared but agreed that it was best to let Allen get over the initial shock. However Allen was not calming down.

"No, no no no no. Ohhh no." He turned terrified eyes on the two next to him, who were slowly growing uneasy at his unstable behaviour that clearly was not passing.

"The blood. So much blood. I can taste it again… oh no. I didn't want to, I didn't, I didn't. I can taste it, urg…"

Allen was shaking his head, hand over his mouth. All of a sudden he shoved his fingers into his throat and began clawing away there, making horrible gagging noises as he did. Lenalee yelped as Kanda pushed past and grabbed his hand to stop him.

"What the fuck are you doing Moyashi!"

Allen was in a world of his own, his eyes glazed over in fear. They had seen him freak out before, but not like this.

"I had to do. I had to. But the taste… blood is everywhere. My throat… down my throat. I have to get rid of it"

Lenalee started to feel slightly sick. It looked as though Allen was reliving a memory, something triggered by the sensation of eating. Kanda also looked slightly disturbed at what Allen was saying. At that moment Link and Komui came through the doors as Allen began muttering feverishly.

"I can taste it. Blood is inside me, everywhere. Need to get rid of it. Wasn't my fault. Everything hurts, he isn't here anymore. Just me. Need to escape. I don't know anything, won't tell them anything. Ahh so much pain…"

Lenalee looked up and Link who was fast approaching their bed and began to explain. Komui hung in the background watching silently what was going on.

"We… tried to feed him. And then he suddenly…"

That look once again flashed past in Link's eyes as he placed his hands over Allen's eyes. Instantly he began to calm down. As Link went to remove his hands, Allen caught his sleeve.

"It wasn't my fault. Please. It wasn't…"

"I know" Link cut him off brusquely as he handed Allen one of the balls he was playing with beforehand. Allen automatically took and withdrew once again.

"Link. You need to tell us what is going on. Enough is enough. How can we help Allen if we don't know what happened to him. Its about time you were honest."

Komui's voice cut over the silence that had settled with Allen's calm. Link jumped and spun around.

"Its not my…"

"I know it isn't your place. But Allen is unable to tell us anything. We need to know what we're dealing with. Surely you understand that?"

Link sighed as he listened to the serious even tone, the logic argument. He slumped, defeated.

"Fine. Gather the Bookman and the Head Nurse as well. They will probably want to hear this too."

* * *

><p>Everyone was gathered in Komui's office as Link stood against the wall. He hated the idea of talking to an audience but knew it needed to be done. Komui looked determined as he sat down with Reever at his side and looked directly at Link. He had tried to stop his sister and the two other exorcists being here, but Bookman Jr had said it was his job and Lenalee and Kanda were just downright stubborn. Link did not care. He felt they had a right to know as Walkers friends. He sighed.<p>

"What exactly do you want to know?"

Komui nodded thoughtfully as he answered. "Everything from the beginning. We have ignored this long enough and to help Allen-kun we need to understand what happened"

God Link hated their logic. He wished he didn't know anything, that he didn't have to say anything. The memories began to swell in his mind, and when he opened his mouth, he found it much easier than it should have been to talk.

"It was a matter of time to be honest. The incident with Alma Karma just sped it up a bit. They locked Walker away quietly under the pretence of detaining the 14th. A perfect cover after everyone saw him change that time. They never intended to do a trial or anything. That time when they said he had tried to escape and had been killed. Obviously that was a lie to cover up. They took him to central. He was to be researched in an attempt to find out more about the Noah."

_Allen was cold and his wounds hurt. He leant against Timcampy, feeling the familiarity of his presence warming him slightly. The steel bars of the door rattled as Levieller walked in flanked by three masked Crow. Allen barely had the strength to open his eyes and look at him. Until he started to talking. He told him that he was going to become their Noah specimen. That this was all just a ruse and as of 2 minutes ago he was technically considered dead. Allen remembers the coldness seeping through him at the mans words as he realised no one would ever look for him. _

"First of all, they tried to awaken him. That was the first step of their plan. Afterwards they planned to question him, experiment on him. They tried many things. They locked Walker up in sensory deprivation for months on end. They starved him till he was near death. They tried to break him psychologically. So they made him kill. Humans. People who were other projects who were considered failures. They said if they could kill Allen they could gain their freedom. In a way it was self defence but he never managed to see it like that. They left him in the room with the bodies he had murdered for days. They left him to rot, surrounded by people he had been forced to kill himself. They hoped that pushing him near death, breaking his spirit, would mean a survival instinct of the Noah's kicked in. It never did."

_He had their blood on his hands. He was filthy. He had been so happy to see people again after being buried alive in that box. There had been nothing, no sound, no light, no feelings. He had gone mad. Nearly. In his head he traced the images of the scores over and over again until they meant nothing but a reminder that he needed to survive. Even if he couldn't remember where this feeling came from. Here, in the room where bodies rotted and decomposed and he felt the blood he had spilt seep into his skin, he still needed to survive. _

Komui spoke up at this point, although Link wished he had not interrupted him now he had started to talk. He noticed the colour had drained from the mans face already, and beside him Lenalee was shaking hard.

"The Noah never manifested itself? But it dominated Allen so easily when he fought with Alma Karma…"

"There were no signs whatsoever of the Noah. At least not explicit signs. The reason the Noah's survival instinct never kicked in because Allen used his own instincts. He showed no signs of giving himself up to the Noah. I don't understand how or why, but he never broke fully. But it was close. You want to know the reason he wont eat? I'm willing to bet its because in that room they left him in, his madness and desperation meant he sustained his body with the only nutrients in there."

_He still remembered the taste of their rotting blood, of decomposed flesh sliding down his throat. He was mostly gone though, starved into madness. He needed to keep on living no matter what. He tried not to think about it as he did what was necessary, but still remembered the salty taste as his tears mixed with his human nutrients._

"It took 3 months until he was deemed a failed project as well. As the Noah had shown no sign, they believed Allen had already given in to the 14th long ago and they were now one. He was deemed a threat, but instead of execution they decided to use him as a lab rat. All the things they wanted to test out, they used his body for. Experiment after experiment. Not just drugs. They tested truth serums that fried his brain. Torture methods… using dark matter collected from the remnants of the third exorcists. And methods using innocence. Here they had a being effected by both as a Noah and an Exorcists. They found out what could hurt the Noah's, and found out what could damage an exorcists. They changed his anatomy, removing organs and rearranging the ones he did have for the sake of seeing how much damage an Exorcist could sustain before he died. They didn't use aesthesia. He only survived because of that one drug that used his Innocence"

_He could feel them inside him. The grotesque feeling of someone moving around in your innards. He was screaming, he knew that much. The pain was unreal as he could feel exactly where the hands were inside his body. They pulled out the organs, he could see them. His own insides being held by a white gloved hand. He just wanted this pain to stop. Even when they stitched him up, they left gaping holes. The wounds bled and hurt and were sore to touch. They covered them up sparsely leaving them open to be covered by the dirt and grime that covered his cell. He spent the rest of the time he was not being used in their, covered in his own sweat, piss and blood. All the while he could feel himself loosing that constant pressure that told him he needed to live. He couldn't remember why anymore. He couldn't remember anything. _

"I saw him after they had tried out some new… techniques. I rarely saw him but I knew everything that had been done. He was a mess, I thought he wouldn't recognise me. But he did" Link closed eyes as he remembered the weak touch on his arm.

_"Link….I'm so glad…your not dead…"_

"I…I wanted to get him out. Nothing they were doing was really benefiting the Order and I…" Link stopped talking then, unsure of what to say. A horrible silence filled the space.

From across the room Bookman hummed thoughtfully. None of it made sense. The Noah had used every opportunity before this to erode Allen. Why would he not make use of his weakened mind and completely take over his host.

"You say there were no signs whatsoever but although he is not completely gone, mentally the boy is actually considerably broken. It does not make sense that the Noah would not take advantage of his weak will and break through. There is most definitely something more going on here. It is not as if the Noah just vanished from Allen, and I doubt he was strong enough to actually keep the 14th at bay all this time"

Link nodded softly as he listened to Bookmans indifferent words. It had occurred to him too, the strangeness of the situation.

"I know what you are saying. Central though so too. They believed that Allen and the 14th were coercing with each other. As you can imagine the torture grew. But although Allen was slipping both mentally and physically the 14th never manifested itself to help or protect its host "

Link remembered the frustration of Levieller at the lack of results they were getting. He had taken his frustration out on Allen those times.

"Perhaps the 14th is using this situation to his favour. If he were to have manifested, it is likely the situation would of turned out worse for him rather than for Allen. The pressure would have been put on him instead. It seems it was in his best interest to hide away throughout all this. Play dead, so to speak. The question is, what the 14th will do now"

Bookmans words were met with silence as everyone in the room contemplated the idea of the Noah using Allen as a shield. As if there was not enough hatred for the 14th existence. Komui broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Link, Thank you"

Link froze at the soft tone of the Supervisor, turning around surprised and meeting his soft gaze. Ah, not again. He was the second one to thank him.

"...No" The bookman Jr. was right "It was all a little too late"

* * *

><p>Allen tilted the mirror in his hands very slightly so it reflected the moonlight off it and cast patterns on the ceiling. He giggled. He moved it so it was blank, and then did it again. On and off. It was fun. He liked the control and that it was him that was making such pretty patterns. He liked the silvery light that spilled through the huge windows in the infirmary as it reminded him of snow. He remembered what it was, the cold feeling of it as he walked down those frozen streets. He stopped his little game as he felt a twinge of pain in his head. It always happened when he tried to remember.<p>

Allen sighed, he had a strange feeling of being empty now he was here and it was so different to his memories of the recent past. He had began to remember everything during his ordeal, the images that flashed through his head so painful and heart aching he couldn't bear to even acknowledge the other people around him at times. But he remembered things before his torture too now. Kind, sweet Lenalee, friendly happy Lavi and rude blunt Kanda. He so badly wanted to reach out to them when he saw the,, but he didn't know how. He wanted to talk to them, to touch them, but for some reason it all felt so wrong. Allen perked up as he heard a thump coming from behind the doors of the infirmary. Perhaps one of them was going to come visit him now. The door creaked open and a figure slid in silently shrouded by darkness. The doors slammed shut as the person stepped into the bright moonlight and Allen's eyes widened as something clicked inside his brain and the emptiness he felt was filled with memories and a rush of emotion stirred up by the face in front of him. Images of bright lights and an audience clapping, of silly costumes and snow written letters.

"Mana"

Allen breathed out the name like a whisper as he stared at the man he had finally remembered. The man himself chuckled softly.

"No. Not Mana, but close I guess. Seriously, they really did do a number on you… didn't they Cheating Boy?."

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><p><em><strong>Hope it didnt drag or was too repetetiive but some questioned had to be answered to make room for others to be asked _ . I did say there was a lot about to happen. The plot thickens from here on out. I'm assuming you all know who Allen's little visitor is. :)<br>**_

_**Thank you for all your reviews so far, i am unbeliveably appreciative to everyone who takes time out to review. Saying that I would like to be cheeky and ask that for this chapter in particualr if you could let me know how you feel about it, because i have some serious plot decisions to make, also the lovely reviews really pump up my motivation to get these chapters written quicker, despite my job keeping me unessecarily busy! **_


	10. Brother

_**I am so sorry! First of all, this is quite late and probably has a few mistakes. Second of all, I really should put up some warnings. For everyone who read the previous chapter and found it quite graphic, Im sorry I did not warn you before hand. **_

___**This chapter was EXTREMELY difficult to write and I'm still no 100% happy with the outcome, but to be honest, Tyki was never a main focus as I know he is going to give me greif to write. So i'm not entirely sure how you're going to feel about this chapter, but I gave him my best shot! **_

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><p>Smoke filled the unused room as Tyki lit another cigarette after the other. He nearly dropped the lighter as he felt another twinge before a another aching pain washed over him. He shakily lit his cigarette and took a long drag, aiming to distract himself until the ache passed.<p>

"Are they still hurting you?"

Road sat perched on the frame of her door she had just created, legs swinging as she looked at Tyki's stiff posture.

"Yeah" Tyki breathed out the word with a puff of smoke.

Road frowned at her beloved uncle before her.

"Why would they do that. Allen is not near here, I can be sure of that. What would be causing his wounds to hurt like that?"

Tyki slouched as the pain and the tension left his body. He sighed, stubbing out the barely smoked cigarette on the wall.

"I dunno Road. However I'm guessing this thing does"

From his pocket Tyki pulled out Timcampy, struggling at Tyki who gripped him firmly by one wing. Road's mouth pulled out of her frown into a delighted grin as she snatched the golem from Tyki's hand and squeezed it.

"It's Allen's pet! Where did you get him"

Tyki moved, standing up and straightening his jacket.

"I didn't. He came to me…"

Road looked up sharply, confusion colouring her expression.

"Why would he…"

"I don't know, my little niece. That's why this is going to be so much more interesting"

Road smiled widely at the grin stretching across Tyki's face, the maniacal atmosphere growing as she opened Timcampy's tiny jaws to watch the tiny projection from his mouth.

* * *

><p>Tyki watched the boy with an amused expression as Allen started at him, wide eyed and innocent calling out that mans name. Mana. He knew now, that he had been the 14th s brother. As Neah shared many similar looks with Tyki, he assumed that perhaps Mana also did. Perhaps that was why the boy was calling him so. His eyes flicked over to the window, where a flash of movement caught his eye as Road's door disappeared from where it had deposited him, easily getting past anyone in the Order. Allen continued to stare at Tyki, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the man. He could see the damage done to the boy, the fragility of the skinny body beside him and the state of his innocence. He posed no threat whatsoever. Tyki could not help the satirical grin that came to him.<p>

"What's wrong, shounen? Don't you remember me?"

Allen glanced away, confused.

"No…I…Where? Where is Mana, do you know?"

Tyki felt irritation swell at the boy's answer. But he forced himself to stay calm.

"Dear, dear. Mana isn't here right now. Pleasure to meet you though, my name is Tyki"

Tyki bowed mockingly to the boy in front of him, smiling broadly. Allen shied away from the man, naked panic sparking in his eyes at the proximity. Internally, Tyki growled.

"I came to… rescue you, so to speak. However seeing you like this, complicates matters"

Tyki drawled as fixed a disapproving glare on the boy in front as he felt his irritation reappear in full swing. He had been so sure after squeezing the truth out of the stupid golem that he would come here to find the 14th. He expected that with what he had seen Allen had been made to put through, he would be finding his brother filled with even more hatred at the Order for what he had to endure. Instead there was this pathetic shaking mess of an amnesiac and no sign of any Noah anywhere. Just what was going on. Would he have to drag his Noah brother out? If so, Tyki knew just the way to rile the 14th Noah. And the shounen for that matter.

"Rescue me? From what? What do you mean?"

Tyki grinned slyly, and shot out a loved hand to Allen's face, watching the boy freeze with terror as he slowly caressed the side of the boys cheek. He brought his face closer to Allen's, smirking

"Why, this place of course." Tyki's voice was silk, and he smiled as he cupped Allen's chin, gloved fingers fondling the white hair.

"This place…?"

Allen spoke as if in a trance, his eyes wide and voice monotone. Tyki moved his hand slowly to Allen's chest, resting it above his beating heart.

"Now now _brother_. What kind of gamble is this. Surely you want to leave this place. Why would a Noah want to stay in the Order "

"A Noah …"

Tyki brought his mouth up to Allen's ears and purred in Allen'

"Yes. Isn't it about time you came with us, _14__th__"_

Tyki's face twisted insanely and was met with a resounding silence as Allen's eyes shifted sidewides in time to see the frightening expression, feeling his blood run cold. Tyki felt the steady beating of Allen's heart underneath his fingers one moment and then he was being pushed away, Allen's hand at his face as he screamed.

"I am not the 14th! I AM NOT THE 14TH!"

Tyki raised a pefect eyebrow, disdainful of the boy's outburst. The Noah was not here. He did not know how, but it was Allen and Allen alone in their. His fact his actions had no other reactions was enough. His wounds suddenly flared as he saw the broken green crystal on Allen's palm pulse green light. Tyki felt his anger roar inside him at the situation and let red cloud his vision. He had failed in retrieving the 14th and found the boy's inability to remember him infuriating for reasons unknown to him. Tyki clamped one hand over Allen's mouth as he pulled his arm back. Suddenly Timcampy shot out from under Tyki's coat pocket and hovered for a second between the two's faces, before opening his mouth and emitting a blinding light, just as Tyki plunged his hand yet again into Allen's chest to cradle his heart.

* * *

><p><em>14<em>_th_. He hated that number, those words. It was all they had said, all they called him. Even Mana that time. His name was Allen. He remembered that clearly now. He was not the 14th. The strange connection he had felt to this chilling man in front of him snapped as he was overwhelmed with anger and hatred hearing that number once again. And then there was nothing. Just a blinding light and a burning pain and suddenly Allen felt everything wash away softly.

* * *

><p>The 14th felt himself judder into consciousness with a flash of light. As he felt the strange sensation of limbs attaching themselves to his mind as he filled the body before him, a rush of memories assaulted to him. He saw everything that had happened, the torture, the pain, Tyki. His mind worked quickly to piece together what must be done. He must be careful. However when he opened his eyes to the sight of his Noah brother in front of him, one he had not seen himself for years, his determination faltered slightly.<p>

* * *

><p>A stiff hand curled around Tyki's wrist, the strong grip preventing it from penetrating further.<p>

"I would rather you got your hand out of my chest, brother"

Tyki's eyes shot up and locked on a gaze of melted gold. The 14th's eyes swirled with amusement and yet held anger. Tyki smirked as the shounen's pale skin turned ashen before his very eyes.

"I was merely trying to get your lovely host to remember me" Tyki drawled lazily, shrugging unconcerned as he removed his hand deliberately slowly, causing his sibling to jerk slightly.

The 14th ignored the baiting, instead cradling his hand around Timcampy.

"Thank you for that, Tim"

Tyki lit a cigarette and nodded towards the now glowing golden golem.

"What did he just do?"

"Allen was trying to escape when they told him what they had in store that first night. In that instance I had Tim seal me. Then I sent him away"

The 14th did not look up at Tyki as he spoke, instead he played softly with Tim's wings in the same manner the shounen did. Tyki found it rather creepy to see Allen's mannerisms still remained on a man who held such a different aura.

"That makes sense why he came to me I guess, and not someone of the Order. But why would you have the golem seal you?" Tyki asked as he plopped himself down on the chair next to his sibling, leaning his elbow on the arm rest and resting his head in his hand as he smoked lazily. He relaxed slightly as the tension in the room eased and put his hat back on where it had fallen off at Allen;s outburst.

"My my, what a question. If I were to come out, what good would that have done for me? They would have found out things I rather they not know. Think of what would have happened to me. Is it not enough that my poor host had to suffer?"

Tyki turned to gape at the 14th in shock at the caring nature of his words, until the 14th cast an amused eye on him, smiling softly

"Besides, what fun is there in taking an already broken mind?"

Tyki chuckled as he finished his cigarette and stood up. "We should get going"

"Now, why the rush? Besides, I seem in no position to move. Tell me Tyki, are you here to take me to the Earl? You have surely not forgotten I am a traitor"

Tyki sighed as he appraised his kin, eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Of course I'm here to take you to the Earl. But in regards to you being a traitor… Tell me, how do you feel about his place. The Black Order?"

"I hate it."

Tyki laughed at the lack of hesitation in the straightforward answer given.

"Then perhaps there is hope yet, wouldn't you agree?"

The 14th nodded softly.

"Yes. My brother… I wonder if I shall ever be forgiven by the Earl for what I have done.. I never truly understood the Earls agenda before, but now living trapped inside this exorcist host…"

Tyki hummed thoughtfully. In truth he had always been very fond of Neah. The man was beautiful and caring. Before his desertion, he had been the perfect family member. Talking to his brother this way made him realise how much he missed him.

"Why did you take the Ark?"

The 14th looked surprised at the question.

"Because…it was not the Earls to keep. No matter what he told you all, the Ark was not his. It belonged to Eve and should never have been used in such a way"

Tyki's eyes widened at the name. He breathed out a gush of breath as understanding hit him hard. No wonder Neah had taken the Ark.

"You… just what is it you wished for…?"

* * *

><p><em>The air was warm with a gentle breeze. Neah sat alone under the falling cherry blossoms<em>

_"Neah! There you are. Have you seen Adam anywhere?"_

_He heard her sweet voice call him and could not bare to look around to her. He knew where Adam was, and yet he could not tell her. He had been swore and he could not break his promises. But oh how it hurt to lie to her. _

_"No. I havent seen him"_

_"He cant have... gone out... Could he?"_

_Neah flinched at the worry and panic in her tone, something she picked up on. _

_"Neah! What was he thinking! We musn't leave here, Adam knows that! We have to go get him"_

_Neah grabbed her delicate wrist as she turned to leave, spinning her around to face him._

_"Adam will be fine! You must not go. It's different for Adam, but for you. You must not go!" _

_Neah gripped her shoulders as he spoke, feeling his own panic at the thoughts of her **outside **caused his voice to raise and heart to pound._

_ "But... Adam is..."_

_"Forget him for now. He will be fine. Please. Just stay here. Stay where I can protect you."_

_Because Neah swore he would. He would protect her forever. He would do anything for her._

_"Please Eve"  
><em>

* * *

><p>The 14th remained silent to the question as he fell into his own thoughts. Only when Tyki coughed slightly did he revive. Ignoring the question Neah instead turning to Tyki with pleading eyes.<p>

"Brother, I am worried the Earl will not listen to me. Perhaps he does not need the knowledge I have anymore. I have been away so long, I…"

"The Earl has found nothing in regards to Eve. Even now, many years on, we know nothing. We are closer to finding the Heart however and we have made progressions in creating the Serpent - there is a Level 4 Akuma now. The Earl plans to flush out the Heart soon"

"Flush out? How so?

"Removing the Exorcists from the picture. They have nearly served their main purpose. All that is left is to check them for the Heart."

The 14th's eyes narrowed at the knowledge.

"There really has been progress…"

Tyki let his smile stretch across his face.

"There has. And would it not be better to be on the winning side? Come with me now and explain to the Earl. Perhaps you can be forgiven by him"

"And you, Tyki. Do you forgive me?"

Tyki moved forwards as he kissed the left cheek of his brother, and then the right in a display of family loyalty. The 14th paused for a long moment, his eyes and expression shadowed by the silver bangs of Allen's hair.

"I'm glad brother."

Suddenly, a similar crazed grin split his face as Tyki felt a strange pain in his chest. Silver claws, twisted and ruined, ran through his heart as he stared down at the partially transformed innocence that pierced him. Tyki looked up dazed as his world became tinged with black around that gleaming grin of his brothers.

"I'm glad you'll forgive me"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Who is Eve? What is the Heart? What is the Serpent? What is the Ark? What is Neah's third side? So many questions lol!<br>**_

_**Okay. That is over with. This was so hard to write. Next chapter, some Road and Noah on Noah action, with a return of Allen. **_

_**Im sorry if it was confusing, but all will be explained. There is some serious plot hints here, but I guess at this point in time, your all wondering what is going on!**_

_**I would really appreciate some feedback, to lay the cards on the table i am struggling with this part because im not confident in writing the Noahs. Except maybe the 14th because hes an open character! Still I hope you all enjoyed it :D x  
><strong>_


	11. Hate

_**Im sorry its a little late once again. Its starting to look like once a week for updating is my time schedule, I forgot how busy life gets. Im trying to bring that up to twice. Sorry for making you wait on a cliffhanger. But you need not wonder about Tyki's fate anymore! I hope you enjoy. **_

* * *

><p>Road wanted to see Neah. She could feel him as she waited for Tyki to finish dealing with Allen. But she knew she had to wait here, boring as it was, to ensure none of the Order members would interrupt the family reunion. She concentrated on the dream world illusion she had trapped the entire Order in as she saw the edges waver as her emotions boiled up inside her. The excitement at the possibility of meeting Neah again made her dizzy. She whirled Lero round in her hands, feeling the impatience. Then she felt it. A sharp sudden jolt through her chest. Before Lero could complete another spin, the dream world cracked and dissapaited as Road shot through her door and opened another up onto a scene that had her excitment screaming.<p>

* * *

><p>Neah felt Tyki's blood slowly drip down his arm, as his brother gave him a look of opened mouth surprise. He closed his eyes as he felt his Noah genes rebelling against the slaughter of a family member as he readied himself to push the metal claw in and finish Tyki. He found it hard to deal with the look on his brothers face. He opened his eyes just in time to remove the claw from Tyki's chest to swipe the claw across his face, batting away the sharp ended candle that had been hurtling towards him. His golden eyes resting sharply on his sister as Tyki slumped to the floor gasping. He smiled gleefully at the sight of the blue haired girl and opened his mouth to talk. However as soon as he had dodged one of the projectiles, more appeared levitating around Road and the Noah hissed, sending them flying all at once. Neah thought dryly that Allen's body was definitely not prepared to deal with this as he felt the nerves in the body alight in pain as he pushed the broken innocence a step further, sweeping the projectiles out of the way with a flick of a white cowl that had managed to materialise on his wrist.<p>

* * *

><p>Road practically growled as she used the distraction to open a door underneath Tyki, who reappeared at her side. He grunted in pain as he made to kneel up straight, hate filled eyes glaring at his brother he had been talking to only moments ago. He could feel his old wounds ache something fierce as they resonated with the Innocence that had only moments ago, been thrust inside him. Any weakness he felt was replaced with anger.<p>

"Why!" he hissed

Neah did not answer, just flashing a sneer in answer. Instead he focused on retreating into Allen's mind slowly, golden eyes hazy as he tried to find a balance. Ah there it was. Neah grinned as he felt the pain leave his body, successfully remaining in control whilst lowering the degree of body consciousness. He pushed the sweaty covers off him and barely felt his feet touch the floor as he started to walk towards his _family_. As he advanced on the two as Road materialized another dozen candles, all pointed at him and Tyki stretched open a palm, allowing a large purple butterfly to rest on it.

"Why? Because you are obstacles. In every sense of the word…" Neah said softly, his smile growing as he suddenly lunged forward and raced at the two, bright light emanating from his palm.

* * *

><p>Road could hear her heart beating in her ears. She started at the man that she once loved as she watched him slowly descend towards them. Her thoughts were in chaos. Her eyes flicked down to her Uncle, one hand resting upon his wound where blood continued to flow down, the other curler around Tease ready to release him. His eyes were glowing with betrayal and hate. Road felt a similar hatred burn through her.<p>

"Once a traitor always a traitor, huh brother?" Tyki snarled at the man who had just tried to kill his own kin as he released Tease in a swarm of fluttering wings. The excitement she felt at seeing Neah flared up again. The instinct to fight him had become unbearable as she waited. She remembered the pain and hatred from long ago, a maniacal smile coming to her face as she fantasised of all the ways she could hurt him. And now here he was. She hardly contain her happiness. Road filled the space with more candles, when suddenly Neah lit up, blinding both Noah's. She shied away from the light backing away until she hit something. Skinny arms surrounded her waist as a voice whispered in her ear

"Now now, aren't you glad to see me, my dear Road?"

She hit out as Neah's voice shivered through her, striking her brother with a sharpened candle as she spun to face him, grinning happily. She only managed to scratched his cheek.

"Ouch. Now that's not very nice. Some greeting" Neah chuckled darkly as he licked the blood that oozed down the side of his face, his eyes never leaving Road's. Road glanced around the room, seeing Tyki unconscious behind Neah. The hatred only burned stronger she felt a smile split her face, insanity filling up inside her a she looked on at the man she had once loved.

"Its not very nice to not bring gifts for family at a reunion, Uncle Neah. No sweets? How disappointing of you. I brought gifts"

Road flung a block of candles at Neah who dodged each one, using the flickering tip of the Crown Clown to help him out, before breaching the space between them to lash out at Road.

"I didn't expect it to be a long reunion, if you know what I mean"

She dodged too, springing off around the walls and landing behind Neah on a closed door she materialised behind Tyki, laughing hysterically.

"I have been waiting to see you again. So many things I wanted to tell you…and now here you are in a injured and broken body. Perfect" Road purred at the man who raised an eyebrow at her words. She could see that Neah was having trouble, and her eyes fell on Allen's left arm, the hand weakly gripping at the fabric of the hospital gown in an effort to not fall limply to the side. Neah was all but powerless, she could finish this quickly. She had to get Tyki back afterall.

"Is that so? What could it be you want to tell me… another confession" Neah jeered, smirking at the Noah, trying to distract her as he recognised the calculating look in her eyes. It worked. Roads eyes rolled back in pure insane rage, the smile widening impossibly far. How dare he mock her. The murderous traitor, she only wanted him to be alive to kill him herself. The idea pleasured her so much as she felt her control slipping. Suddenly candles filled the room, coming at Neah from every angle.

Neah could not help but tease her a bit. He could see the hatred swirl around Road, and felt his own dark emotions take control as he looked upon the girl that had tried to ruin things in the first place. If only she did not exist, perhaps Eve would never have… No matter what the past was hard to let go of. However Neah regretted baiting the crazy Noah so much as the lack of feeling in the body had started to make the task of dodging much more difficult, and Road had begun to attack with renewed effort. Neah swore as his eyes flashed bright gold. She had underestimated him. Although it was a risk, one that would cut short the amount of time he could stay in control but he pushed at the sensation in his left arm anyway. He did not know if it was because of the condition the limb was in, or because it was adverse to his very being, but his left arm ached with a constant throb, a pain made more intense the second he had activated it. As he pushed his energy down the arm he felt it flare sharply, and a green light pulsed out and shattering the candles that surrounded Neah in an ear-splitting crack, just as the infirmary door was flung open.

* * *

><p>Kanda stood there, eyes ablaze and Mugen held high as he stopped for a second to take in the situation. He felt a jolt of shock go through him as he saw the Noah girl perched precariously on top of the door. She had froze, a wild look in her eye as she turned away from the beansprout that was miraculously standing, her mouth moving form a wide grin to a scowl at the sight of the exorcists filling the room. The beansprout was glowing with a strange green pulse. Behind him, Kanda heart the shocked gasp on the Head Nurse.<p>

"Noah! How did they get in!"

How indeed. To be honest, Kanda couldn't give a fuck since they were going to get out. He shot forward and slashed out at the girl Noah, who had jumped down. The lithe body of the Noah cart wheeled gracefully to dodge, as a door appeared underneath the other Noah that Kanda has only just realised lay unconscious, and both disappeared within. It took a second to process the fact that the Noah had not stayed and fought against him, instead disappearing so quickly.

"Tyki was injured, I assume she thought it was best to leave considering I wasn't as easy to beat as she first thought, especially not surrounded by comrades"

Kanda froze as he heard the familiar and yet so very alien voice speak behind him. He turned around to see the beansprout leant against the bed frame panting heavily as his arm slumped onto the bed, leaving a wet bloody splatter where it fell. Kanda's icy gaze was met with golden eyes. With a whistle of air he brought Mugen up in front of him, falling himself fall into a familar stance. He leant forward on the balls of his feet when...

"Bastard"

The word was snarled from behind him and Kanda watched as Lavi flew past him and punched the Noah squarely on the jaw, sending him stumbling back but not to the ground. Lenalee gasped as she moved forward to help 'Allen' but Komui held her back.

Lavi watched as the Noah using Allen's body stumbled back into the bed. Curious gold eyes raised to meet a furious emerald one.

"Well now, what a greeti…"

He was silenced as Lavi grabbed the front of the hospital gown roughly and hauled the Noah up. In the back of his mind he recognised how light Allen's scrawny body was, and found his anger intensified as he remembered why.

"Shut up! What the fuck are you doing turning up now. Is this your idea of a sick joke?" Lavi all but growled at the Noah. Neah opened his mouth to reply.

"Stop this"

Link's authoritative order silenced any retort and Lavi whipped his head around to glare at the man who steadily walked towards them.

"Why should I? Its all this bastards fault" Lavi hissed venomously, shaking Neah. Link gave the Bookman Jr and appraising look

"For one, Bookman is here and I doubt he will take kindly to this…_display_, and secondly" Link fixed the Noah with a dark look "some questions need to be answered".

Lavi glared at Link but dropped Allen, albeit more gently remembering whose body is was, and made a sound that greatly imitated Kanda, as he stalked off to stand crossed arm next to Lenalee. Link glanced back, feeling the hard glare of everyone on his back as he came up to stand in front of the panting Noah who was sat bent over on the bed.

"There are a lot of things you need to tell us. Starting with where you have been all this time."

Neah looked up, a smile twisting his lips upwards, one that showed humour and not malice this time.

"This isn't a social chat then?"

Links eyes narrowed as he shot out a hand to curl around the Noahs neck. Neah blinked, surprised, recognise the act of controlled anger rather than outburst displayed a second ago by that delightful red head. Link was warning him. He wanted to laugh at the irony but found himself unable to do so, the edges of his vision were turning white, the small feelings he had of the body were vanishing. He knew the use of the Innocence would have a strong effect, he could not longer remain in control in this damaged body.

"Unfortunately…it will have… to wait…" Neah managed to wheeze out as he looked at the man in front, Link's expression clouding at his words.

"Until…next…time"

His eyes rolled back into his head, and Neah was gone, leaving Allen Walker to pitch forward into Link's surprised grasp.

* * *

><p>"How is he?"<p>

Lenalee shifted nervously outside of the infirmary, waiting for the Head Nurse and her brother to come out. Lavi stood quietly next to her, whilst Kanda leant with his eyes closed some distance away but still listening.

"Only a few wounds were reopened, which is good. However the use of his innocence means the fever is back in full force. It must have put a massive strain on his considering the condition it was in. I'm surprised the N..Noah was able to use it. In terms of strength, we're back to square one. Even if the wounds are healing, if his immune system isn't and the pain isn't, it makes things hard"

The Head Nurse shook her head worriedly as she spoke, but schooled her expression into one of warmth so as not to worry any of the others. Behind her Komui stared ahead, glasses flashing in a way that concealed his expression. He saw Lenalee nod at the Head Nurses words and then shift her eyes to him. He tightened his lips before smiling, walking forward to her.

"Do you want to see him? Link is waiting there. Also Kanda-kun and Lavi, I would appreciate it if you stayed. There is a lot to discuss in terms of why a Noah was able to get in, and I think it would take a lot off the science division mind to know Allen-kun is safe too"

Kanda grunted irritably, taking the request for what it was. Babysitting duty. Lavi merely nodded and followed Lenalee in who had pushed through the doors the second her brother has stopped speaking.

"Is he okay?" Lenalee stopped at Allen's head as she addressed Link who sat in the corner of the room. She gently stoked his hair.

"I guess. He might wake up soon, considering the painkillers burn out so quickly. We have some more to give him when he does"

Link sat stiffly, back straight as he watched the girl gently comb her hands through the soft strands of hair. Behind her the other two exorcists emerged, the Bookman Jr coming over and placing himself near Link.

"What do you think about today"

Link turned to look at the red head who was focused on him. He didn't quite know what to say, being addressed so straightforward.

"In what regards?"

Lavi rolled his eyes at the formality of the man.

"In the regards to the fact the Noah decided to make an appearance now, when the hard part is conveniently over. Why do you think he showed himself now?"

Link shook his head. He did not know. He couldn't understand what the Noah wanted at all. But he head seen it when Kanda had burst open the door. In that split second, the Noah had unleashed a burst of Innocence from his arm, not as a means of attack although it had proved quite effective, but as a means of protection. He did not understand. The Noah clearly felt no pain as Allen did, yet he did not allow the spikes to pierce the boy. Link tried to convince himself it was because the Noah needed Walkers body, what use would if be full of holes, but he had seen how the Noah had tried to control the Innocence. Instead of enlarging Crown Clown to fully invoke the arm, he had merely used the presence of the Innocence. From what Link understood from the Head Nurse, things would have been much worse (pain wise) had the Innocence been invoked. Why would a Noah who felt no pain, make an effort to spare it? Link's thoughts were interrupted by a small groan from the bed. Walker was waking up.

"Allen? Is it you? Can you hear me?" Lenalee backed off a bit as the boy rolled over, confused as he tried to sit up slightly and failed.

"Ma..n..a. Mana… where is Mana?" he mumbled, his voice weak

Lenalee looked to Link worriedly, who shrugged.

"Allen, Mana isn't here. Remember?"

"He was. I saw him. I have to get back to him .He's going to be mad I left him again."

Link frowned at this. What was Walker taking about. Clearly Lenalee felt the same way as blinked suprised at Allen's panicked tone of voice. She hesitated as she tried to answer Allen. Instead she asked a question, not really expecting an answer.

"Mad at you? What do you mean?"

And to her surprise she got one.

"Im not supposed to leave him. I'm his. He'll be mad if he knows I'm with others. He might do it again…I don't want that."

Lenalee frowned. _His?_ Allen was not making any sense. She put it down to the fever as she moved her hand to gentle strong Allen's shoulder.

"Its okay, Mana won't…er… do anything. He isn't here right now"

Allen shook his head, swallowing loudly as he grasped at Lenalee's hand, desperate to make her understand

"He will. He did before. It was my fault though…because I went off. He got mad. Even though I'm not supposed to be, I was with other people. He got mad, but for me. Since other people will hurt me, he said. So he made them go away. I just need him, so I need to get back to him. Please, where is Mana…"

Lenalee couldn't respond. What was Allen saying? He had never spoke to any of them about Mana before. Not properly. She glanced behind her and saw her expression mirrored in everyone else. Their wide eyes showed that they too understood what the boy was perhpas saying. She turned back and spoke cautiously, eyes wary

"Allen…What do you mean Mana made them go away?"

Allen smiled hazily.

"He got rid of them. Because I didn't need them. I only needed him. Mana said so. That's why I need to find him. I need to get back to Mana"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ooooh. Whats the truth about Mana?<br>**_

_**Also what does Road have to do with Eve? Aside from that not a lot really happens I guess. But dont worry, there will be more Neah and more Noah. Questions will start to be answered!  
>I hope it was an okay chapter, it was hard to write as its one of those chapters that sort of bridge together parts of the story in a way :)<br>Please continue to review. thank you  
><strong>_


	12. Choice

**Sorry its late! Please forgive me. Im being a big wuss again and getting all indecisive and frustrated because i can be a bit of a perfectionist who, it now appears, needs constant reassurance. thank you for all the reviews and i hope you enjoy :D**

**Warning: bit of blood and gore at the begining, and flashbacks are in italics  
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><p><em>The slow rhythmic drips made his head feel heavy. He could not take his eyes off the sight before him, everything swirling into a spiral or red and black. He stood frozen, back against the wall and unable to move, simply staring wide eyed at the display in front of him. Mangled bodies lay on the floor, the red blood of their life oozing out of them, pooling around the fallen forms of people he had seen alive not hours ago. It ran thick, and joined, a river of red that lapped at his bare feet. But he did not notice. He could only register one thing. The man in the middle of the darkened room turned to face him, the moonlight through the shattered window illuminating the wide smile that spread across his face as he walked heavily towards Allen. <em>

"_Its okay now, Allen. You don't have to be afraid"_

_Allen could not say anything, nothing was processing. Not what he had just see, or what the man had just done. He swallowed compulsively as he tried to find his voice. At his silence, the mans smile faltered, and he dropped down to one knee right infront of Allen, reaching a bloodied hand towards him as he frowned, head titled to one side._

"_Are you afraid of me Allen?"_

_Allen shook his head. "N…No."_

_The mans smile returned._

"_Good. Because I did this all for you. They were going to hurt you, use you. I couldn't let them do that"_

_He gently caressed Allen's cheeks. Allen could do nothing as he flickered up to look at the mans eyes, fear seeping in as he recognised the untameable glint of madness that overshadowed the tenderness. His dark eyes shined with swirling emotions. _

"_I'm not even angry you went off without me. Even though you know you're mine. You don't need anyone else but me". _

_Allen shivered in fright as the murderous aura surrounding the man refused to fade. He tried to bite back his fear and calm himself enough to answer the man._

"_I…Im sorry. I just… wanted to make friends" _

_The man chuckled as he shook his head. _

"_Oh Allen. I understand. But you can't trust anyone else. I've told you that. You don't want to be all alone"_

_Allen bowed his head. A new kind of fear raced up his spine, a cold creeping out to his heart. Would he be abandoned? He felt panic spike as he looked up into those eyes and gripped onto the mans hand in desperation at the thought. _

"_I'm so sorry! I don't know why I did it, not when I have you, I…"_

"_Shhh. Its okay. You just need to remember is all. That's why I'm here. I did this for you afterall~"_

_Allen buried his head into the mans shoulder as he hugged him, his eyes open as he glanced through the gap between the mans arms onto the bloody scene before him. Broken empty bodies that he could name, their smiling faces flashing through his head as he stared at the moonlinght reflecting in their wet blood. He wanted to go to them, to shut their sightless eyes. Instead he closed his eyes, determination overcoming him as he turned away from the scene and pulled the man out of the door. He looked up to the man and smiled. _

"_Thanks for saving me. Mana"_

_He never looked back to that room again. _

* * *

><p>Lavi sighed as he looked at the pile of papers he had yet to read infront of him. He looked at the clock on the wall. It was lunch time already. He only had to wait for that panda to come back before he could go. Maybe he would visit Allen. He sighed again as he lazily leaned back in his chair before a book came out of nowhere and hit him square in the head, resulting in his falling backwards and out of the chair. He angrily stood up.<p>

"What was that for, JiJi!"

Bookman grumbled and sat down next to Lavi

"For not doing any work"

Lavi was annoyed instantly.

"I HAVE been doing work! I have read almost everything you asked me too, and for the last time, there is nothing in their about the Noah!"

Bookman chose to ignore his apprentice's outburst and sip his tea. Lavi all about exploded.

"Fine! I'm going to Lunch and then to see Allen!"

Lavi made to storm out the room until Bookman called out to him

"Wait. Come back here"

"What now"

Bookman glanced up at the red head

"Did something happen with that boy? When you came back the other night, you were acting quite strangely. Miss Lee also. You know anything you hear must be recorded"

Lavi sighed

"Its probably nothing…"

He trailed off as Bookman raised one eyebrow condescendingly. Sigh.

"He started talking about Mana all of a sudden. He said some weird thing."

Bookman frowned at that. The boy had said very little to anyone about his father, why would he share now?

"What do you mean weird?"

Lavi plopped himself back down and scratched his head thoughtfully.

"I don't know. He sounded scared. Said he had to get back to Mana otherwise he would be angry"

Bookmans frown deepened, but said nothing.

"He spoke about Mana…_getting_ _rid_ of everyone he didn't need"

Bookman's consciousness jolted into awareness as he heard Lavi talk. His mind jumping instantly to a conversation with another red head in that dark room. Unfortunately, due to being so taken aback by the sudden realisation, Lavi noticed Bookmans change in demeanour and looked at his suspiciously.

"Jiji? Do you know something?"

Bookmans eyes shot open as he whacked Lavi over the back of the head.

"Regardless if I do or not, they are not things that our necessary to our cause and so they are things you don't need to know. Now, weren't you going somewhere?"

Lavi grumbled as he walked out rubbing his head, heading to Allen's room. Bookman waited until he was gone, and swept out the door himself, heading to Komui's office.

* * *

><p>Komui felt the words he was writing blur as he barely concentrated on doing his paperwork. In fact he thought he was dozing odd slightly. Until the creeping sensation of someone's presence washed over him and he opened his eyes alert, to find Bookman stood silently in front of his desk.<p>

"Bookman, what can I do for you?"

Komui was slightly surprised to see the old man alone in his office. He rarely sought out the Branch Head specifically.

"Did my idiot apprentice tell you what the new issue is with the boy?"

Komui nodded in understanding.

"Lavi didn't, but Lenalee did. Something about Mana. It seems he may not be what we all first thought"

Komui trailed off thoughtfully as he remembered Lenalee reciting the strange and cryptic words Allen had muttered.

"As far as the Order knows, Mana is as much a mystery as the 14th. However, I can tell you, Mana was most definitely not the father figure Allen has spoken about"

Komui raised his eyebrows at the authoritative tone Bookman used, leaning forwards to stare at the man, curiosity colouring his expression.

"What do you mean?"

Bookman unfolded his arms as he moved to sit on the couch.

"Before General Cross…_disappeared_ we had a very, informative, conversation. He told me about Mana…"

* * *

><p><em>Bookman was stood in the corner of the room, hands in the sleeves of his robes, ignoring the smoke that coiled around the man before him. General Cross looked over, eyes sharp and breathed out his cigarette. He was drunk, Bookman could tell that much, a large nearly empty glass on wine of the table next to him. <em>

"_What do you want Bookman? Come to get some info out of me?"_

_Bookman ignored the mans rude tone._

"_Marian, as always I am merely watching what is about to unfold"_

_Cross smirked at the monotone of the line. _

"_Yeah. I remember. No feelings, no getting involved"_

_The two men sat in silence for a moment longer, Cross drawing on his cigarette and puffing the smoke around. _

"_Mana"_

_Bookman looked up at the name Cross had uttered and gave him a blank look. Cross grinned. _

"_I bet you tried to find out about him. And I would gamble that you found nothing"_

_Bookman felt his eyes narrow slightly, something that only increased the Generals smug smirk._

"_And I guess you know a lot about the man, seeing as he was your friend" Bookman replied._

"_He was not my friend" Cross hissed, his smirk falling off his face to be replaced with a hard look. Bookman was taken aback by the reaction. _

"_I had to look over him."_

_Bookman slotted that piece of information away, before attempting to prize more out of the man_

"_You promised the 14th. You told Walker about it."_

_Cross drank the last of his wine. He put the glass down and lit another cigarette._

"_I didn't have a choice. But Mana was not what everyone thinks"_

"_Although Walker has not said much, Mana is the most important to him, his beloved father"_

_Cross snorted_

"_Ha. Beloved. The kid also had no choice. He's been brainwashed, manipulated"_

_Bookman frowned. "How so? The love for his father is real"_

_Cross glared at him._

"_Of course it is. Because that brat had nothing else. Mana made sure of that. He was scared. After the 14th died Mana was scared that his precious brother would leave him again. He was messed up, paranoid and delusional. He manipulated Allen. He made it so that Allen had nothing else but him, he got rid of any obstacles. People Allen got closed to, he killed them. Allen depended on Mana and Mana alone, because he made it so. He did not think of what would happen should he die, even though he was still running from the earl. He did not think of the brats feelings when he found out his ideal father was just using his feelings. Mana only cared about bringing his brother back to ease his guilt!"_

_Bookman regarded Cross quietly as he snapped at him, questions swirling around, so many things he wanted to ask. _

"_Why would he have feelings of guilt"_

_Cross sneered, his anger having no real focus as he uncorked yet another bottle of wine with drunken hands._

"_Why don't you ask the 14th that?"_

* * *

><p>Komui was not sure how to process what had just been told. Why would Cross feel obliged to watch over a man his disliked. The complex maze of finding out the 14th intentions deepened with each revelation. He wondered what sort of promise that people who were supposed to be sworn enemies would have.<p>

"Do you think Mana has something to do with the 14th's actions?" Komui turned to ask Bookman, knowing any sort of opinion out of the man was rare to get.

"I think that there is a lot more to the 14th than every expected. It is strange that after the 14th makes an appearance, Walker remembers Mana again. Perhaps Mana is the key to some answers"

Bookman stood up from the couch

"Why did Allen never mention anything like this before?" Komui asked.

Bookman closed his eyes

"I think Allen's memories have already been tampered with in more than one way. If we want to find out the 14th's agenda, we may want to find out what part Mana plays in this. There are a lot of hidden truths coming to light, and all are connected. Mana may provide some explanation as to what the reasons were that the betrayal happened all those years ago. If only we knew the truth behind the man"

Komui was surprised at the answer, and found himself thinking that perhaps Allen's broken mind was starting to be favourable.

"It would be unfavourable for the 14th to consume Allen now. If it comes to it I suggest we use any method contain the 14th until we know what his actual purpose is. Too many things are being left unanswered"

Komui nodded at Bookmans retreating back, sighing as he thought about the idea of contaning Allen in some way, yet again.

* * *

><p>Allen jolted as the same feeling came over him again as it has a second ago. It was a quick burning hot flash, followed by an uncomfortable churning in his stomach.<p>

"Walker?"

Link was there, peering at his curiously. The two had been playing chess. Or at least, Link had been trying to teach Allen. He strangely felt very little aversion to having people near him now. It was if the fear of human touch went away over night. His body was still sore and he still disliked being touched, but the warmth of a close human presence made him feel safer.

"Are you bored?"

Allen was bored. He wasn't interested in any of this. He wanted to just curl up and sleep. Ah! There was the feeling again. His hand shook where it was perched on the bored and few pieces went tumbling down.

"Walker! Are you okay, are you in pain?"

He didn't answer, instead wishing the man would be quiet. His chest ached now, the pain rippling through him in small waves. He could feel his whole body shaking then as it fought against the ripples. Then a searing burn on his left arm had him doubled over with a cry, his other hand coming up to tug at Link's sleeve. He could see Link's worried face above him as he tried to look up, but he could do little more than whimper. He heard Link shout out, calling for someone but another searing burn from his arm had him closing in on himself with more cries. The small ripples were spreading out from his Innocence arm and turning into big crashes of pain that left him panting, shaking and completely immobilized where he lay having fallen. Link gripped his shoulders, naked panic in his eye. It looked like the boy was having a seizure of something. Then their was a crack and a yelp. Link looked towards the sound of the noise and was horrified to see a crack in the green crystal of the boys palm, a soft green light pulsing. Another crack and Allen arched in pain ,throwing his head back to shriek.  
>"Shit, shit, shit. What is happening"<p>

Link saw a white face of a junior nurse appear and he shouted at her to get the Head Nurse. He turned back to face the quivering boy in his grasp.

Allen was burning, all over. He could feel it. Then something snapped. And ice encased his chest as all feeling left him.

Link froze in horror as Allen went completely rigid, eyes wide and mouth gaping, moving silently and uttering only creaks. Then blood, thick and red and warm seeped out of his mouth in two steady streams, his body relaxing from his rigid pose and flopping back down. Link was thrown out of his stupor by the arrival of the Head Nurse.

"What happened!"

Link looked at her light a deer caught in headlights as he watched her check Allen's pulse. She became frantic as the lack of one and suddenly stripped the boys chest bare, calling out to other staff to do various medical bits. Link could not find his voice.

"His innocence…. Then he… I don't know, he suddenly started bleeding everywhere…"

The Head Nurse's eyes widened with surprise as she looked at the cracked Innocence. She felt a stirring of fear in her stomach as she reached for the stethoscope and, moving aside the hands placing various wires on the boys body, placed it on Allen's chest.

"His heart… its not beating."

Link looked at her like she was crazy. She turned to him ,eyes wide.

"The Innocence that made up his heart … must have gone. The blood…the hole became unfilled. His heart has stopped."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sorry for the massive cliffanger. Im having a bit of a crisis at the moment, so help in the form of honest opinions of likes  dislikes and suggestions would be amazing. I want to pick up the pace in terms of updates and need your input to help motivate me to go down the many routes i have, since i dont actually even know how this might end. **_

_**On a side note, very interesting chapter this month, sad there isnt another for 2 months now! Thank you for everyone who is reading this. x  
><strong>_


	13. White

_**Sorry this is late, I actually wanted to post on Friday but for the past two bloody days I couldnt log in to FF. Did anyone else have this problem! It was very frustrating, I just had this sat here. Anyway I hope you enjoy it, quite a lot goes on here :) x**_

* * *

><p>Lenalee had seen it many times before. A ringing in her ears, so high pitched nothing else could be heard and it made her want to scream out to remove the pressure. The cold flatness of the world in that moment to match the flatness in front of her eyes as the heart monitor goes dead, the green pulsing light much like Allen's innocence stays stationary. She has seen it before, she knew of death and yet, it didn't stop her from screaming as her world flatlined again.<br>She moved to run from her spot where she stood, world crashing down at the opened infirmary doors, watching as people jerked the frail body around in an attempt to bring him back. But a hand stopped her as she made to move, her eyes seeing nothing but the empty blankness of her comrade lying on that cold hard metal table. She could feel everything start to crumble.

* * *

><p>Lavi knew people died all the time. It was just a part of life. For most people, no-one would be there to remember them. For him, a Bookman, they weren't even ink on a page, and the ones that were recorded only remained a bunch of lines placed together in a certain way to mean a certain something that got lost among the many other names of those who had passed. He knew, such was the world. As a bookman he had seen the bittersweet cruelty of life. As an exorcist he knew the fragility of it well. But it didn't matter because words in a book meant little to a Bookman. Yet standing there he felt on the precipice of another life, one that separated Lavi from the 48 other lives he had had. Because it was no long another stoke of ink, another faceless name. He was seeing Allen Walker slip out from under him and he felt darkness overcome and wash away everything but the boy's name from his mind till his heart hurt more than he ever thought possible. And he realised it was too late. Funny, since when did these people truly become family to him.<p>

* * *

><p>Kanda hated to owe people a debt. He needed no-ones help. He never asked for it, never cared. If he had his way he would do his missions by himself. That way he wouldn't have to think about stupid fucking Usagi's and beansprouts and men with sister complex's that made him think about said sister herself as an annoyance due to consequences. Yet he knew, no matter what happened, he had not even begun to pay Allen Walker back. He was free. He might be back at the Order, but through his own choice. Alma was free, at peace. The beansprout might have forgotten but Kanda never did, he owed him so much. He owed him his life. And he couldn't stand the idea of never repaying the idiot. So as he watched the boy become lifeless before his very eyes, he couldn't stand the sight one bit.<p>

* * *

><p>The Head Nurse could see the fruitless attempt but made no move to stop it. The bouy's heart had a hole in it. One that had burst open as the Innocence plugging it spluttered and failed. He had bled out. First the blood would seep out into his lungs, filling them ip with red fluid. He would choke, the rivulets of red from his open gaping mouth told her as much already. And then he would suffocate. Drown in his own blood. The second his heart had stopped, hope for the child had too. Yet as she saw Lenalee and the Bookman Junior and Kanda Yuu arrive upon the scene, a scene she wished they never had to see, she couldn't find it in herself to stop the pointless attempts of the medical staff around her. She couldn't let hope go just yet. Her eyes found Inspector Link. He had slumped against the wall, wide disbelieving eyes upon the prone form in front of him and he had not moved once. Her attention was brought back as a white faced nurse stood in front of her.<p>

"I..It's no good"

The Head Nurse looked up to see everyone looking at her, pale faced and ashen as the heart monitor beeped obnoxiously in the background. She swallowed convulsively.

"T..Time of death…"

A blinding flash of light interrupted her.

* * *

><p>He was tired. It had spent a lot of energy having to deal with his high maintenance siblings. Neah just wanted to stay here for a bit, on this comfy throne. He had been locked away with chains binding it for a while now, it was hard to get over that sort of weakness. Of course the child's arrogant Innocence was not helping matters, always making things difficult for him. As if on cue he felt the familiar unpleasant tug of it jolt though him. It was like an electrocution, sending his nerves tingling slightly. He hated the stupid thing. It was so righteous, the purity of the presence in his hosts body making him <em>want<em> to shy away in the deepest darkest corners. But that wasn't an option. Neah sighed. Suddenly a jolt went through him again, one that sent him pitching forward as pain seized his body. He gasped at the agony that rippled through his body. Something was different this time. His breath caught as he saw white enclose him. He looked up to see a mask staring down at him as the soft white cowl of Crown Clown wisped around him, leaving stinging tingles when it brushed against him. Unconsciously he filled the space with his aura, pushing back the searching white fingers with waves of darkness in a defensive actions. Shit, he did not mean to do that. He forgot how easy it was to gather up his darkness from inside Allen after possession, his memories having being strong and fresh like poison in his views ready to be collected up again.

"Whaa…what do you want"

Neah hissed at the mask that loomed above him, his arms wrapped around as he tried to contain the tremors of pain. His displeasure turned to shock as the mask suddenly cracked. He had not expected that. Around him the tendrils of the cowl were also turning brittle, cracking like glass in some places and shaking. He recognised with a start that it too was in pain like he was. He tried to control his presence, tried to reign the darkness in as he saw the cracked splinters of Crown Clown disappear as they fell. The mask itself was waning right before his eyes.

"What is happening?"

Neah was breathless, the pain radiating now from one spot in particular, his chest. His eyes widened as he reached an understanding.

"It is too much strain for you, isn't it? My presence…"

Crown Clown swept across his skin in answer, but instead of pain this time there was a strong warmth. Neah could feel it. His host was fading and fast. He had not come all this way to loose now. He knew there were risks with choosing an Innocence wielder as his host, especially a parasitic one. He had known from the beginning.

"Listen to me. I understand we cannot exist in harmony. But I do not need too much time. I have always known that a price must be paid for my actions. I…I can only hope that Allen will understand. But you know what must be done"

Neah looked up at the mask as he felt the edges of his vision blacken around the edges. He felt dizzy, it was becoming hard to concentrate.

_I understand. Your price is time. It has been paid_

Neah could only blink as a soft voice whispered in his head and he was shrouded in pure white.

"Thank you"

* * *

><p>A golden eye flashed open as a shriek left the previously dead body that was now sat bolt upright, heavily panting. Neah looked around to see the incredibly surprised and somewhat scared and sad looking faces all staring at him. He tried to regulate his breathing as he attempted to remember what that soft white voice has said.<p>

"Allen…kun?"

The tentative voice from his left had him snapping his head around to face the lovely young lady from before. _Lenalee_. Ah! Now there was another voice. _Her name is Lenalee._

"Lenalee…"

The girl nodded slowly, looking very apprehensive leaving Neah to wonder what exactly she was waiting for.

"Are you…Allen-kun?"

"No" _I am._

Neah though confusedly. He turned to face her completely until he suddenly caught his reflection. One golden eye stared back, a red scar of intricate design slashed through it down to the cheek which had now spread and ended in a open bleeding cross at the centre of his neck. His skin was ashen but not greatly so like the colour of his siblings. However he was no longer the milky pale that the boy had been. His other eye that stared at his was molten steel, silver glinting in the light. Neah understood.

_So we have merged now, my dear Nephew_

He chuckled, eyes closed as he contemplated what to tell the people in front of him. Sadly he got little time to think about it before a sword was thrust at his neck and he opened his eyes to a scowling and glaring samurai.

"Answer the fucking question, beansprout"

Neah sighed

"Allen is here. He is not gone. Right now I am Neah, but it seems that I cannot take over him completely yet. We have…merged, of sorts"

"Merged?"

Neah looked at the redhead who spoke, the curiosity of the tone interested him.

"Yes. To make it easier to live in this body, I merged with Allen"

The redhead's eye narrowed at his words. "This body?" he quoted angrily

Neah merely shrugged. He had enough of trying to skirt around the subject. He was as much a parasite as the Innocence on Allen's left arm was. The redhead ignored his response.

"So where is Allen now?"

Neah felt around for the soul of his nephew. He had heard his voice he realised now, it was him who was taking to him, but he was hard to grasp.

"He's in here. I guess dying took its toll out on him though"

Neah grinned as his words hit their mark and he saw the redhead's face cloud with anger. Before he could lash out again, a clipped voice spoke over the top of everyone.

"Right, the show is over everyone. Anyone who is not an Exorcist please leave now. And will someone please get Supervisor Komui. "

The brisk tone of the Head Nurse had the stunned medical personnel leaving at once. The stern woman turned her head to face Neah.

"You have a lot to answer for"

Neah sighed

* * *

><p>Komui had been unaware of the drama that had just occurred as he dozed off, pen in hand and stack of papers in front of him. Until a pale faced young nurse burst into his office, startling him so bad he knocked the papers over and back onto the floor he had picked them up off.<p>

"Sir!"

He felt immediately alarmed.

"What is it?"

", sir. He…the 14th…."

Komui understood right away. Something had happened.

"I understand, thank you for coming to get me"

He smiled at the scared woman and made his way swiftly to the infirmary. He opened the doors a little unsure of what to expect.

Sat around Walkers hospital bed were Kanda, Lavi and his sister, with Link leaving against the wall and the Head Nurse finishing up tying a few bandages around Allen's torso. Komui frowned

"What was the big commotion about?"

Everyone turned to look at him, including Allen. And that's when he saw the cross and the golden eye that stared at him.

"Ah. I see"

He came and stood positioning himself at the end of the bed and looking around to meet Link's eyes as he stepped forward.

"I think its time for some explanations about now"

Link's voice was stern as he looked down at the Noah who lie in the bed. It wasn't like Neah didn't know this was coming, its just he was already not in the mood for it. Being an immortal Noah, where did one start when it came to a story.

"What would you like to know?"

The question took Link by surprise. He was unsure of where to start too. Komui coughed into his hands, brining attention to himself.

"I think first of all, we need to establish just whose side you are on"

Neah raised an eyebrow

"Are you serious? Is it not obvious?

"Obviously not since you're the fucking enemy, idiot!"

Kanda spat at the white head. It appeared the Noah shared the idiocy of the beansprout after all.

"Seriously, you guys actually know nothing do you? Nothing about the Noah, or the Earl or even the war you're fighting"

Lavi shot a suspicious look back,

"Oh? What are you trying to say? What more is there to know that the Noah and the Earl want to ruin humanity?" he asked sarcastically.

Neah for one was completely speechless. He had always known that the Order lacked some vital information. But not this much.

"Enough!" Komui cut in, voice serious, " what do you mean we know nothing?"

Neah turned to face him

"Do you know how the Earl and the Noah came about? Or your Innocence?"

Komui frowned, "I believe the origins are of little importance in this war that has been going on for years"

Neah laughed

"No, that is where you are wrong. You don't understand anything…"

"Then tell us! Tell us who the fucking Noah are, who the Earl is, whatever!" Kanda hissed out

Neah glared at him.

"The Noah are being born of darkness. For the Noah to exist their must be human darkness"

Neah was not surpised to be met with a heavy pause.

"What do you mean human darkness?" Lenalee finally asked

"Anger, hatred, sadness, despair, jealousy. Noah are the embodiment of these negative emotions that humans feel. The darkness of these sins accumulate. Did you never wonder what dark matter was? The Akuma you fight, they exist because humans are dark creatures. Unlike Noah, they are the manifestation of these impure emotions, of the sins humans feel. The evolution of Akmua result in them becoming more human like. Did you notice it, with the level 4?

Lenalee gasped. Now that she thought about it, if she were to compare a level 1 to a level 4, the level 4 was so much more humanoid, so much more intelligent. She remembers seeing Tim's video of Kanda and Allen's fight, how the level 4 cried. Human emotions…

Neah turned at her gasp and grinned at her understanding.

"Yes. They are evolving to be more and more like their creators. Humans. Until one day there will be an Akuma that is a pure manifestation of human darkness."

Neah thought to the soul trapped within, nothing left to save.

"What is the difference between them being a manifestation and you Noah being the embodiment" Link asked from where he stood.

"We are human nature itself. For each sin, we exist. Born, not created from the evilness of this world, our souls were once free of evil but we chose to cast aside any redemption and we fell, allowing ourselves to be consumed by the sins of human kind and bear responsibility for it ourselves in exchange for great power. Our souls cannot be saved. That is why only those with great hatred to the world qualify to be Noah. The person must be beyond redemption themselves in order to shoulder a sin. "

Lenalee could not understand what Neah was saying. Things were not adding up.

"I don't understand. If that is true, if you need darkness and hatred to re-incarnate how come you chose Allen as your host?"

Neah looked at her, an even measured stare until he suddenly chuckled. Lenalee frowned

"You still don't get it do you? This boy, this child… he qualified. Allen Walker, _hated_ this world. All I did was answer his calls"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Its time to really get the ball rolling now! haha. As always, your reviews are great motivation and very good for inspiration. <strong>_


	14. Memories

**_Why does fanfiction want to be so tempremental to me :( having more problems logging in, its so annoying! Apologies first, its a bit late and I dunno how it is in terms of errors, I have been ill and have had acute writers block, but I hope you all like this chapter! _**

**_Warnings: a few graphic parts here and there._**

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><p><em>Running. They had to keep running. Mana could feel the weight of his brother's body drag him down as their footsteps slowed until Neah stumbled with a quiet groan and both of them fell to floor with a crash. Neah lay there, panting, as the rain washed over them. Mana recovered quickly, leaning over his brother<br>__  
><em>"_Neah! Are you okay?"_

_Neah merely groaned. He hated seeing that look on his brothers face, one of pure concern and terror_

"_Sorry, nii-san, I just…"_

_Mana shook his head._

"_It's okay. Your hurt, its okay. Just…just get up please. We have to keep moving"_

_Neah panted more. He knew it was useless. They both did_

"_Brother… its not use"  
><em>"_It is! You have to get up, please!"_

_Mana put his arm under his brothers and tried to haul him up, but with his strength gone and his own injuries, it was impossible and he crashed back down again.  
><em>"_Shit!"_

_Neah could barely move, he could feel the blood seep out of him as his brother knelt next to him panting. He turned his eyes to him.  
><em>"_Mana. It's no use right now. We cant run anymore"_

_Mana looked at him with broken eyes  
><em>"_B..But…"_

_Neah put a hand over his brothers.  
><em>"_We need to find him. Tonight. I can feel it, the Innocence is close"_

_Mana jerked up abruptly  
><em>"_We don't have to do this!"_

_Neah shook his head  
><em>"_We do, come on. It's close. We have gotten this far…"_

_Mana swiped an arm over his face as if removing tears and braced himself to stand up, bringing his brother with him. Neah winced as he stood up and leant against his big brothers shoulder._

"_Which way?" Mana asked_

"_There, it's close now"_

* * *

><p>Neah felt a pang in his heart at his words. He closed his eyes on the shocked faces before him."I'm sorry, my nephew, to have you remember everything like this…"<p>

He called out to the dark, hoping his sincerity would reach the boy he could just about feel but not touch. He sighed.

"Allen? I want to warn you. I know you can hear me. The memories I share, please don't think too badly of me…."

Neah waited but got nothing back but another ripple in his heart.

"14th?"

An impatient voice broke his concentration and he drew himself out of his own consciousness. When he opened his eyes, the young Crow was there, face impassive.

"What do you mean…about Walker…"

Neah looked at him. Link was surprised to see the brilliant gold was muted. The Noah looked tired and defeated, worn out. Link straightened his back.

"I don't know if it is my place to tell you"

"Bullshit"

His eyes snapped to the angry Asian who was scowling at him and glaring death. He raised his eyebrows

"Don't talk about what is and isn't your place at this stage when you have already taken over the stupid beansprout. Who gives a shit what he thinks now, the only way anything will come out of this is if you fucking start talking"

Neah just gaped at the man. To his left came a slight giggle and he turned his head incredulously to the source

"What Kanda means, Neah-san, is that we understand what you have to tell us maybe..hard. The truth is, well, I guess none of us really know Allen-kun. About his time with Mana, or before that. Anything really. Although it maybe painful, and hard to bear we want to know more about him. It's the only way we can begin to understand and help him. We've looked away from the truth many times before, we cant back down now. Even if Allen will hate us for it…"

Lenalee smiled softly at the man who was meant to be her enemy. She found it hard, seeing the surprised slightly childish expression of his face, to see him as someone who wasn't Allen. Suddenly the 14th burst into laughter. Kanda hissed and Lavi rolled his eyes as the man began to hiccup

"Yes, your right. I guess I cant really be saying anything in my position"

He stopped, panting slightly to catch his breath. When Neah looked up again, his eyes were determined but sad.

"The easiest way would be to show you how I ended up implanting my memories into Allen"

"Show us? How?" Komui stepped forward curiously,

"Tim" Neah called timcampy over, the golden golem resting gently on his palm.

"…./…./…." Neah hissed out a few unintelligible words softly. Timcampy opened his mouth and a bright light flashed everyone.

* * *

><p>Rain fell continuously, a soft patter on the ground accompanied by the sound of harsh strained breathing. Two men were stumbling, one leaning on the other who gripped onto the wall as he walked for support.<p>

"Are we close?"

Mana glanced down at his brother, noticing his lidded eyes.

"Yes" Neah breathed

Mana gritted his teeth at the weak reply and stumbled on. He stopped as he heard shouting in the distance.

"Over there?" he nudged his younger brother

"Yes, hurry!"

Mana tried to go faster but Neah stumbled and tripped at the increased speed. Blood dripped on the ground as steady as the rain leaving a trail behind before it was washed away. Neah coughed.

"I'm sorry nii-san"

Mana shook his head

"It's okay, not much longer now"

There were screams now, a little way off. Mana wondered what exactly they would find as they stumbled through the alleyways. Silence filled the air all of a sudden, making Mana shiver

"Round the corner, I can feel it, he's here"

Neah mumbled as Mana quickened his pace slightly. He turned the corner and felt his eyes widen with surprise.

Blood was everywhere, splattered on the walls, seeping down into the gutter. 3 men lie at broken angles as the blood pooled around them. In the middle of the carnage was a young boy, only 5 or 6. His grey eyes were stretched open in madness, wide and unseeing, his mouth twisted in a horrific grin that spoke of insanity. He was pale and emancipated, all bones covered by dirty soaked rags. His hair was long and brown and unkempt. But his arm was something Mana had never see. Blood red in colour, it looked like writhing flesh has settled and knotted together, with black nails and a green cross that sat in the back of his palm. With a surprised jolt Mana recognised it as Innocence.

"This is what could feel… an Exorcist?"

Mana asked horrified, he looked down at his younger brother who was sat against the wall.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

Neah smiled, something that looked more like a grimace

"We need a part of her. It was inevitable it would come to this one day"

Mana shook with anger

"You know how stupid this is! There is no guarantee this will work with an Exorcist, Innocence is used to kill you for goodness sake!" he cried exasperated. His loud voice brought him the attention of the kid he had completely forgotten about. The child whipped around and Mana took stock of the real situation.

The boy held a knife in his good hand, one that dripped blood. He himself bore many injuries, bruises and lacerations covered his body. The child was swaying on his feet even as he stood, glaring at Mana, eyes still wide and manic. Mana felt like swearing.

"Er… put it down?"

The boy twitched but did not move. Mana sighed.

"The knife. Put it down. We don't want to hurt you"

Unfortunately the child ignored anything he said and charged straight at him. Neah cried out his name as Mana skilfully dodged the efforts of the weak and injured boy and twisted his arms behind his back, pushing him to the ground where the knife fell with a clatter.

"I said we won't hurt you dammit!" Mana panted, holding the boy down.

"Notamonster, im not a monster, notamonster, notnotnotnot"

The boy was muttered feveredly underneath his grip and Mana frowned confused.

"A monster?"

_"I can feel it"_

Mana whipped his head around to look at his brother when he spoke

"Huh?"

"I can feel it. The despair. Hatred, sadness, anger…"

Mana felt a shiver as his brothers eyes flashed gold and a manic grin began to creep across his face. He knew that look, and now was not the time.

"Oi! Neah, snap out of it!"

Neah froze at the sound of his brothers voice, his eyes simmering down and a sad look crossing his face as he muttered an apology. Such feelings were not something to be happy about. At that moment, the boy decided to use this distraction to kick out from underneath Mana. He grabbed the knife as he pushed away from underneath him

"Oh no you…"

Blood sprayed, splattering loudly.

* * *

><p>Mana could only open and close his mouth as he watched the boy collapse after slitting his own throat, hearing the screams of his brother behind him.<p>

"No, no, no, no"

"Neah calm down!"

Neah tried to. He really did. But he had just found his host. Yet he…

"Neah! Come here and help, we don't have much time, we have to do it now!"

Neah looked at his brother and crawled over to where the boy lay gasping as his throat pumped blood out, a horrible wet wheezing sound met his ears.

"Ni-san, he'll be dead… then we will…"

Mana hugged his brother.

"Neah. I told you to calm down. If we do it now, maybe the Noah genes can fix this"

Neah breathed in the scent of his beloved brother, feeling himself calm as he listened to his heartbeat. He pulled away and smiled

"Your right, sorry Ni-san"

Mana just smiled at his brother. Neah turned his attention onto the boy.

"Perhaps this is best brother. To use a life that is going to waste. This way, no-one will be hurt. Don't you think?"

Mana nodded, face tight

"But it is sad to see a child reduced to this… he already knows the harshness of the world"

Neah looked down on the soft childlike face of the boy, he was bleeding but it was slow. A slow and painful death. Tears rolled out of the corners of the slate grey eyes. Neah felt tears well up himself as he moved to kneel at his head, gently placing the child's head in his lap. He put his forehead on the boys

"I'm going to begin, nii-san"

Neah opened up his mind to allow his Noah memories access when he was hit with the child's memories.

* * *

><p><em>He was cold and he was alone. The air was biting at his exposed skin as he pulled the cardboard closer to him. People walked past and he reached out to them, but they muttered things in his direction<em>

_"Filthy"_

_"Disgusting"_

_He just wanted to talk to someone_

_A dirty man wearing a rough worn clothing grinned down at him_

_"This is the cheapest? He's not bad…"_

_The suited man chuckled_

_"Aye, the face is good. But he is cursed"_

_A hooded man frowned down at him, "Cursed?"_

_"Aye. Come on little devil boy, show the nice man" Mr Suit mocked._

_He did as was told and raised his arm. He heard the man suck in a shocked breath_

_"Fuck, the kid's a real monster ain't he!" The hooded man backed away slightly. Mr Suit frowned_

_"He's experienced though. An' his face and body ain't too bad"_

_The dirty man contemplated the boy in front of him for a while,_

_"If he's your cheapest, it ain't a bad deal" he said nodding._

_The boy said nothing as he was yanked up roughly by his hair, the rope being tugged off and he was clasped at the wrist by calloused hands. If only he could run._

_He was so hungry. But they would not let him near the food. They tied him up and blindfolded him and told he had to get out of there if he wanted food. But he couldn't, he was trapped. And he called and called for someone to help but no-one came_

_They beat him again. It hurt so much. They called him a monster, a demon. They said he was cursed, that he brought bad luck. He had only wanted to watch them play, the music sounding like magic to him. He was left there, bleeding and broken whilst they jeered._

_She looked at him. Asked his name_

_"Name"_

_"You don't have one?"_

_He thought about it_

_"M..Monster?"_

_She looked at him and blinked. The her eyes turned soft, so soft he wanted to cry at the look._

_"That's not your name. I'll give you one"_

_Her eyes floated down to his arm. He cringed and drew it back but she caught it and stroked the mottled skin_

_"So soft… Red. I'll call you red"_

_That was his name. And he kept it. Even when he came to see her and all there was red, and her body violated and mutilated in the gutter. He stayed and talked with her even though this time she didn't talk back. Because he was red and so was she._

_He hated them. Everyone. It was not he who was filthy, it was not he who was a monster. It was them. Humans were cruel and he knew exactly what lie behind the smiles and the polite words. As he lay there, feeling the snow fall down on him, he wished it would cover the whole world and freeze everybody and there would be nothing left._

* * *

><p>Neah was brought back to the current blood stained alleyway with a flash, breathing hard with Mana calling his name<p>

"Neah?"

He could only sob, tears falling from his eyes onto the gasping boys' face and mixing with his own

"I'm sorry. For you who has been through so much already, I am about to make it worse. You will have to experience much more pain, even though you have chosen not to live, I am forcing you to for my sake. I am sorry"

And then Mana was there, holding his own hand and stoking the young boy's hair

"Neah. It's okay. You said so yourself, it has to be done. Perhaps one day this child will understand."

Neah shook as he wept but wiped his eyes. Suddenly he coughed harshly, blood splattering the pavement

"Neah!" Mana cried terrified

Neah could only chuckle weakly at the irony

"Haha, it seems, my injuries are too great… now without the Noah…"

Mana looked panicked

"W..what are you saying?"

"To pass on the memories, I need to do so before they find me and kill me, but in this current state… I guess it's taken all I've got."

Mana simply stared at his brother, the grip on his shoulders too tight and painful for Neah. Another cough, more blood.

"Neah, wait, stop. Hold on, we can get those injuries treated. We just got rid of the Noah genes so they can't find us any more so you have to… you have to be…"

Neah looked up and smiled despite the blood trickling down his chin.

"I'm sorry…nii-san, I wouldn't of lasted that long anyway, you know that. At least this child, he won't remember what has happened, or killing these men. There will be no evidence of what has happened tonight."

Mana clutched his brother as he swayed, almost falling onto of the child

"But not now! Not yet, I'm not ready yet!"

Mana shouted at Neah. His mind was in disarray. He could feel hot tears begin to slip down his face. It wasn't meant to happen this way. He was meant to have time, they were supposed to go see Eve for one last time. There was supposed to be peace. They were supposed to be together when it came to this point. As if reading his thoughts Neah stroked his brother's cheek

"Mana, listen to me. I'm sorry we can't go together like we planned. Because… because you need to keep walking. This child, when the time comes, when you can handle it, find him for me. He has suffered so much. He needs something to keep him going, something to live for…"

"No, no, no, no. Not yet Neah, please not yet"

Mana was begging, crying. He wasn't ready to be alone, they were supposed to do it together! They sat there for a while as Mana cradled Neah's body, rocking backwards and forwards. Neah was too tired to talk, just letting his brother do what he wanted. A rippling pain suddenly shot through him but he did not react. He only sighed as he nuzzled his brother

" Neh Mana? I'm so happy you never left me brother. I never said it did I? But thank you for always… being here…"

"Neah? " Mana gasped scared, he clutched at his little brothers body as more blood bubbled out of Neah's lips and his body crew cold

"I'm so sorry brother"

I_ have always wondered brother, whether through all the pain I have caused you, living life running away, I wanted to know...  
><em>

_Do you hate me? _

Neah closed his eyes as tears leaked out as he thought his final though, unable to voice it to his devastated older brother. And as the seams of his brother began to crack Mana howled and screamed into the night, and as he clutched onto his only family tightly, beneath his fingers the body turned to black dust and he could only sob as he held himself, ignoring the child who lay in the middle of the alleyway breathing deeply as if asleep, his neck free of wounds where the skin was a delicate white.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hope you enjoyed it. More explanation in the next chapter of eve and all those unaswered questions. Hope the pace was okay and I didnt butched the touching ending.<strong>_

_**Reviews are greatley appreciated. Need to get out of this little funk i am in! **_


	15. Light

_**Hello! I'm back. I want to apologise for such a very late chapter but I was whisked off to a little camping holiday out of the blue so I wasnt here to write. I'm really really sorry! **_

_**Also I need to ask, I had this chapter yesterday but it seems whenever I want to upload on a Sunday I alays encounter problems. Does FF do some sort of mantience then?**_

_**Anyway I have to be honest, this probably isnt the best, but I hope you enjoy it, and pleease review, especially if you feel I have left anything out! x**_

* * *

><p>Neah was not expecting the wall of silence he was greeted with. The only noise was the beep on medical machinery surrounding him. Slowly he allowed the rhythmic pulsing to pull him out of the memories. He was aware of salty tears trailing down his face, but he did not move to wipe them away. He was too lost himself in the pain of remembering his beloved brother. He was waiting for someone else to snap him out of it but he was aware no-one even moved. This in itself was enough as he felt his curiosity grow to look up at the people in front of him. Although he would probably never admit it outright, he was ashamed at having laid Allen's life bare to his friends without asking. He had tried to control what they saw but the memories rushed out so fast… he had not meant to give everything away like that. Looking up at the scene before him, he realised his mistake.<p>

"I'm sorry I had to show you like that…"

After a few more minutes of uncomfortable silence he felt it necessary to apologise to the people in front of him. And yet he still waited

"Don't you have anything to ask…?"

Neah was ready, waiting for the questions and yet he was met with shadowed gazes and more silence. Then…

"Why?"

The question was whispered with so much sorrow that Neah could only gaze pityingly at the girl who stared back, eyes bright from unshed tears

"Why is it always him that has to suffer…"

He was taken aback. He thought he was ready to answer anything, but instead he just bowed his head at the heavy question. The swordsman next to her che'd as he shot his gaze up to glare at Neah with such intense hate, Neah felt maybe he should defend himself…

"Mmmm, I see…"

The indifferent tone that interrupted his thoughts came from the elderly bookman, who had moved away from the wall and now stood directly in front of him.

"That does explain why Walker was chosen as your host, but there seems to be a lot of the story missing"

Neah blinked at the man

"How did Mana come across Allen again?"

"Huh?"

The bookman said nothing, merely continuing to stare at the Noah. Neah felt confused at the man's dismissal of seeing such brutal memories, he felt his brain stumble as he tried to answer

"That's right, I thought that Allen found Mana at the circus?"

The supervisor spoke this time, pushing his glasses up. Neah watched as they all slowly recovered from the shock. He had been ready to tell them more, but he had not really expected them to ask anything after seeing that.

"Umm, well, no Mana, he…sought him out" he chose his words carefully

"But not directly" Bookman pointed out

"Yes… he didn't go straight to him."

"Why?"

The curious question came from the side, the single green eye that had previously been trained on him with clear hatred now held some depth of understanding and a whole lot of curiosity

"To make sure Allen needed him…"

"Does that have anything to do with what Allen told us about Mana, and his… behaviour?"

Neah felt the need to instantly defend his brother, his anger spiking suddenly

"Mana isn't a bad person! He was desperate. We were all we had together, and when I was gone… he couldn't handle saying goodbye again. He had to make sure Allen never left him"

Bookman raised an eyebrow at Neah.

"You mean he had to give him a reason to live?"

Neah nodded tiredly.

"Yes. You saw what he tried to do… never again. So when Mana felt he could handle it he made sure he was near Allen. And he made it so that he would save him. That way Allen would forever be in his debt, and he would never be able to let go of Mana…"

"Keep walking." Lenalee whispered softly. Her eyes met with Neah's " That's why he said it…and for all this time Allen-kun has…"

"Yes" Neah nodded sombrely

"…suffering more and more, all this time" Lenalee continued, eyes wide and horrified

"Yes, but I…"

"Mana made Allen need him, and then he died. And he left Allen all alone to deal with it all…all because of your selfish wish!"

Lenalee's words were barbed with such simmering anger that Neah was left speechless. He didn't know what to say, her words were true. He thought back to what that little boy had been through, the memories he had seen that night. He closed his eyes, head down and said the only thing he could.

"I'm sorry"

* * *

><p>Lenalee sat at the wooden table of the empty dark cafeteria, the moonlight spilling in and illuminating the space. Her fingers traced the patterns in the worn wood, the grooves and dents where people had eaten. Where he had eaten. It was probably the only thing she knew about Allen it would seem. That he loved to eat.<p>

"Did I ignore it all?"

She whispered to her self as she lay her head on the crook of her elbow, facing the moonlight. She thought she had known what Allen was like. She knew all his smiles weren't real, she knew that he hid things from them. And now she knew how little about his life she was aware of. He had never voluntarily spoke about Mana, or even his time before that. She remembers the times that he would see things in the street, or interact with people and he would shudder in a way that made her want to reach out and ask what was wrong, but the shadows in his eyes as he smiled at her politely always made her stop. He had always been strong. She remembers in the ark. He never gave up, no matter what, and yet she remembered a time she had given up and under lesser circumstances than he ever had. She had relied on him to be there, a light to guide them, to do the right thing, never heard and never cave in. And yet the darkness had always been there. Jus like the shadowy corners in this moonlit room, she realised how much of Allen she had chose to ignore, in favour of facing the light. Because she had been too afraid. To afraid to shatter the illusion, the mask that Allen was, too afraid to push at him less he break. Sobs slowly wormed their way out as she recognised the coward she had been.

* * *

><p>Lavi watched as the flame on the candle slowly disappeared as Bookman scribbled down the information they had obtained during the evening. He was fixated on the waning flame, flicking back and forth and diminishing in radiance. Just like Allen. He had thought the same on the Ark. A light that bright blinds you, until everything disappears. He was a bookman, one who could see everything. He could see the way Allen's smiles didn't reach his eyes, could see the way the grey eyes dulled at the sight of an Akuma, soul trapped. He saw time and time again the reckless nature of the boy's fighting style, the selflessness that he knew was really more like self harm. Allen had never cared for his life, no matter what he said, and he had seen that. But he had allowed it all to be erased by the light the boy gave. With him, his own darkness was swallowed, and he could feel and be whoever he wanted to be because no-one could see anything in this blinding light, he didn't have to hide. For his own sake, he ignored his own eyes, and let him self be blinded. As a Bookman, he should have known better than to be ignorant. As a friend, he should have never ignored it.<p>

* * *

><p>Kanda knew the way the beansprout fought. It was the same as him. Throwing himself into battle, he didn't have to worry about getting hurt. The curse made sure of that. But the beansprout was a normal human and yet he flung himself around like he was invincible. Which he wasn't. Kanda hated his martyr-complex because he knew what lay behind it. There was no righteousness here, no self sacrifice. Just shame and darkness and worthlessness. He knew that glint in the eye, the one hat says maybe, just maybe this is the last time. Maybe he wont have to worry about keeping going because its just not possible. And then its not his fault, he just cant keep walking anymore. He knew because he had been there so many times before. He saw himself in the beansprout and yet he was everything Kanda could never be. And he hated him. He would only cause pain by being so friendly, did he not know that? Kanda laughed at his hypocrisy when he spoke about protecting them from sadness, from pain. Because he knew the body of an exorcist, one covered with scars, each a story to tell. And he knew the body of a suicidal beansprout. Where the scars stopped meaning anything anymore. The two were very different.<p>

* * *

><p>Allen sat on the edge of the white plain, his eyes fixed on the inky blackness before him. On the precipice of deciding where to go, what to do.<p>

"I forgot" he says, eyes flicking to the man approaching silently behind him.

"I know" Neah says as he stops behind him

"I killed those people"

"I know"

"I wish you hadn't made me remember"

"…I know"

Allen sighed. It was quite hard to talk to Neah when he got like this. An obedient child, too afraid to speak out, just going along with it. He turns around and faces Neah, who is staring at the floor, hair shadowing his eyes

"I feel like I failed him"

This got Neah's attention.

"Who?"

"Mana. Even though it was before we met, I always stuck to my promise to keep walking, and yet I gave up so easily…"

Neah opened his eyes shocked. This was not what he was expecting from the boy. Anger, hatred, sadness maybe, but not this. There was only hurt on the boys' face.

"That's not…"

"I know. It makes no sense. I just hate to think about it. I … I just really loved Mana" Allen finished simply

Neah looked down in shame, no words coming out.

"That's what's the hardest bit, you know?" Allen balanced on the edge again as he spoke

"I've seen it all. The third side, Eve and Adam and you. I saw everything, and I guess I can even say I know why you chose me as your host…"

Neah looked up, eyes shining as his nephew smiled gently at him.

"Allen, I…"

"I understand all of that I just…" Allen swallowed looking away

"I hate to think he never loved me"

As Allen's voice broke slightly so did Neah's heart. He only truly realised now the cruelty they had dealt the was a child who had been waiting for someone to love him, and thought he had found that person. Yet Neah had almost taken it away from him. Neah swallowed back a sob.

"He did Allen. He truly loved you"

Allen turned around, a strained smile of his face

"How can you know that"

"Because I love you, my dear Allen. I love you and as his brother I know Mana would have too"

Allen's heart wavered upon hearing those words. Behind him, he became aware of the black abyss slowly cracking, falling away to reveal bright colours of memories, so beautiful and happy, Allen felt love fill him as he saw Mana before him

"_You roll this like this … and then put it on top"_

"_Now what?" Allen bobbed up and down in front of the snowman. Mana laughed_

"_Now we get eyes, and a nose and a mouth and.. hey!"_

_Allen giggled as he snowball hit Mana straight in the head. Mana turned around with a mischievous grin_

"_Oh my. I hope your prepared"_

_Allen ran away shrieking and laughing._

_-line-_

_It hurt. Allen should have been used to it, but it still hurt. Even so he refused to cry out, until a particular sore spot was hit. Suddenly he heard voices and the man was shoved off him roughly_

"_Cosmos, what do you think you are dong?"_

_Mana's voice was like ice, cold and slow and Allen twisted from his spot to see Cosmos shove Mana out of the way and run. A warm hand floated down to support Allen's back_

"_Your okay now, its okay"_

_He didn't know why, even though it didn't hurt, even though he was used to it, but he cried as Mana comforted him. _

_-line-_

"_We'll defintley be together forever, right Mana?"  
>Mana grinned at the child and ruffled his hair playfully but said nothing. Allen pouted.<em>

"_Hey, right~?"_

_Mana sighed as he sat down on a step, beckoning Allen to come sit. Allen promptly sad straight on his lap_

"_Forever is a long time Allen, you know?"_

"_So?"_

_Mana sighed again. "Sooo, your going to meet all kinds of people in your life"_

"_Like who?"_

_Mana hummed thoughtfully. "Like friends"_

_Allen huffed. "I don't have any, and I don't want any!"_

_Mana rapped the boy on the head as Allen moaned at him to stop_

"_One day you will meet lots and lots of friends you know!"_

_Allen merely resorted to sulking as he clambered of Mana's lap and proceeded to run away from the man asking to be caught. _

_-line-_

_He remembered. Gentle purple eyes sparkled with happiness at him. A mischievous grin and a green eyes twinkled. A surly face as obsidian eyes narrowed. A clenched jaw as stern eyes appraised him. How could he have forgotten, those were his… _

* * *

><p>"You should go back to them, Allen" Neah's voice came from behind him as soft arms enveloped him<p>

"I'm scared"

"I know, but it will be okay now. I promise"

Allen nodded, the whirring colours made him dizzy, he couldn't concentrate.

"Will you be here still?" he whispered

He felt Neah smile against him

"Silly, I'm just going to rest now Allen. Don't worry. I'll always be here"

He felt a warmth spread through him as Neah flowed through his memories during his time with Levieller, healing the jagged scars in the recesses of his mind, softening the cracks until the memories became blurry and more like a dream.

* * *

><p>Lenalee could not help but nod off, catching herself before her head fell on Link's shoulder. The guilt was tormenting her, the only solace she found was being near Allen. Link told her that after everyone had left, Neah had collapsed, and they had not woken up since.<p>

Suddenly violet eyes met with grey as Lenalee jolted to find a very much awake Allen staring straight at her

"…Neah-san?"

Allen's face broke into a warm smile as he shook his head. Lenalee gasped, she knew that smile, but she had not seen it in so long.

"Allen?"

"I'm back, Lenalee"

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Allen we all know and love is back! although he wont be exactly the same but he also wont be so broken anymore. <strong>_

_**I would like to say, this fic is all about the allen-torture, unashamadly! just so everyone knows, this is not the end for poor allen's pain. sorry to anyone who dislikes this idea**_

_**Some questions I have been asked**_

**_Olek - _**_** his genes were transfered to Allen at that point, making Neah unable to heal himself as in this story they had just been in a fight. The idea was that when Neah released his genes, he would dissapear quite soon after, and Mana was going to go with him. But Neah actually never wanted Mana to follow him, he wanted to meet him again. As they were being chased and Neah was hurt, they decided to find a host quickly, as Neah didnt want Mana being found and killed. Mana was sad because he was never planning to live without Neah but it didnt work out like that. Hope that clears up some things, thank you for your review!**_

_**Alannalynn - I have to admit i didnt know about the timeline in which everything happened (good knowledge btw!) so please excuse the mistake but i guess in this fic Mana and Neah met Allen when he was like 5/6. thanks for reviewing!  
><strong>_


	16. Betrayal

_**Lots of thoughts and feelings, hope you enjoy!**_

* * *

><p>It had been several days since Allen had returned to himself. In those few days he became aware of how much everything had changed around him. His innocence horrified him, he no longer recognised the twisted mess that was his left arm. His body too, was something he had to get used to. And the memories, although not so jagged and open, still left him getting used to a lot of uncomfortable feelings, namely the defensive lashing out when people tried to touch him. But more so than anything, it was the undeniable fact that Lavi, Lenalee and Kanda were most definitely avoiding him. He had awoken the first night to see Lenalee by his bedside. But the second he had called out to her, she had fled the room. He had not seen here since. He felt impatience wear upon him, the twisting feeling of worry and unease made it hard for him to concentrate on anything as the day went by. He wanted so badly to go and find them, to ask them why they were avoiding him, but his mangled body wouldn't allow for it. And he was scared. They had seen everything, his darkness, his sins. They knew of the torture he had been through at Central and it made him burn with embarrassment when he realised he had no idea how he might have behaved during the time he was here. But more than that, he had allowed the 14th control of his body. Not through any weakness this time, but mutual consent. He could not shake the feeling that they saw him as an enemy. Only Link was there consistently. With a painful twinge, Allen noticed not even Komui stayed despite the breath check up on seeing him awake and more himself. Were they even still in the Order? Maybe they had left, refusing to stay whilst there was an enemy under the same roof. Had they left him now? As he lay there, drowning in the unease, he head the medical staff gossip about how improper it was for the exorcists to be helping the scientists clear up there mess. It was late afternoon, a period of quiet and peace in the Order. And as the nurses moved out the infirmary, Allen had made up his mind to see what exorcists they were talking about.<p>

* * *

><p>Lenalee walked around in a daze, attempting to dodge the piles of papers so as not to spill any over. She felt awful. They all did, except maybe Kanda and even then she knew he held some guilt of his own. None of them had been to see Allen since he had woken up and been himself. Part of her couldn't understand why she fled that night. They had all been waiting to see some spark of the old Allen, the one they knew and loved. And yet here he was, probably waiting for him and yet she...She couldn't face him. Shame and guilt burnt her as she thought about the betrayal they had carried out. The invasion on privacy. She had always wanted to know more about Allen, and at the time it had been necessary but now she couldn't help but feel it should not be like this. She had spoke to everyone, Lavi, Kanda her brother, and yet no-one reassured her because they all thought the same. He would surely hate them now, they went behind his back and saw things he probably never wanted to see. How were they supposed to look him in the face again. She glanced at Lavi was unsurprisingly but yet still uncharacteristically lack-luster as he went about moving things around. She remembered the understanding look of pain when she had mentioned looking into Allen's heart, as if he felt the betrayal of having his own darkness exposed for everyone to see. Kanda is standing around doing nothing, and she remembers the tight grip of his fist as she spoke about the guilt she felt for him being in his situation. He had walked away there and then, body tense. And yet it had been 5 days and they could not muster the courage to see him. Suddenly the door to Komui's office crashed open as a heavily panting Allen stood in the doorway, gripping it for all his life.<p>

* * *

><p>It was a bad idea. He knew the second he had hauled his body off the bed. His legs were torn up with injuries, bandaged and wrapped and tender to movement. His body was so atrophied he could barely support his weight on his skeletal frame. His insides bubbled with burning pain as he moved, his ribs and lungs aching and protesting as he wheezed in each breath. His Innocence arm cradled to his chest throbbed with a flare of pain at each jolting touch. Yet he knew he had to do this now. He dragged his body along the corridor, the process slow and painful, but he would not give up. He rounded the corner, and he could hear the voices of the people he longed to see. He wanted to be able to talk to them so badly. He needed to see them. Black spots danced in his vision and he knew with belated regret, he was most probably going to make a complete spectacle of himself and would be banned from even moving for ages after this stunt but he didn't care. He didn't care anymore if they hated him, if they rejected him or if they didn't want to see him. He reached the door and stumbled, in-avertedly flinging it open. He was met with a shocked silence but his eyes roamed around the room until they rested on Lenalee's shocked ones.<p>

"Allen..kun?" she gasped

"Lenalee, thank goodness..." he breathed

"Ahhh" he sunk to his knees as he felt his strength leave him. He was so happy to see them. He was vaguely aware of hearing the others call out his name, and some people rush towards him. Komui was there, supporting his weight as he called out to someone to get the Head Nurse, his voice reassuring Allen in quiet murmurs but his eyes stayed fixed on Lenalee, an equally shocked Lavi, unsure of what to do and a incredulous looking Kanda standing next to her as she rushed forwards

"What are you doing Allen-kun!" she cried as she reached towards him. He brought his good hand up and curled it into the fabric of her shoulder

"You didn't...leave...haha...sorry... I just...I really wanted... to see.. you all...but I thought. you must not of wanted...to be near me... sorry... I wanted... to see you so badly..."

Allen could not longer remain consciousness as he felt himself sink into darkness, his last image of the faces of his beloved friends.

* * *

><p>Allen groaned as he tried to shift his body. He felt very uncomfortable, too hot yet shivering cold, his muscles burned and limbs ached. He became aware he was back in his hospital bed, once again covered in wires and tubes. He blinked slowly as he became aware of a presence looming over him on the right. He suppressed the instinct to flinch, remembering that he was not that person anymore. As he twisted his head, recognition filtered in.<p>

"Komui...?" Allen murmured, confused at the mans appearance at his bedside. Allen made to shift, attempting to pull himself upright and letting out a hiss as he remembered the state his body was in. Gentle hands were there, stopping him from falling back into the bed harshly, instead lowering him. Allen opened his eyes to look at his Supervisor

"Don't try and get up again, this time you're going to stay in bed"

Allen chuckled at Komui's quip

"Sorry, Komui-san. I guess it was kind of a stupid thing to do"

Komui said nothing and Allen became aware of the serious atmosphere surrounding the man.

"Komui-san is something wrong"

Komui blinked and smiled at him, although Allen could see how forced it was

"Nothing, Allen-kun, I was just worried, you wandering around knowing how you get lost so easily..."

Allen was confused as he lapsed into silence. He was unsure what to say, Komui was behaving very strangly

"I'm sorry"

Allen strained to hear the sudden whisper

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry, Allen-kun"

Allen blinked in shock at the unexpected words. Then he felt himself flood with warmth but sadness. Komui was a kind man, someone he would consider as an older brother type. He was not suited to such heartlessness that he had to show in the Order. It was only now that Allen knew the extent of the Order's sins that he truly understood the burden the man carried.

"It's not your fault"

Komui froze as a kind voice interrupted him. A soft hand enclosed his and Komui stopped staring the floor to death and looked up again, meeting a soft and gentle smile.

"Komui-san, you have done nothing to apologise for. You hold so much on your shoulders already but you are not to blame for anything. I never did thank you did I?"

Komui shook his head questioningly, eyes still frozen on the boy in front of him.

"For always standing up for me. I know you fought against Central for me. Komui-san you are always doing your best, we all know this. I am so thankful that we have you, and everyone in the science department waiting for us to come back. I'm sorry I took so long"

Komui could only grip the hand that laid over his, too choked up to say anything but wanting to convey his gratitude at the words. He felt the guilt he had up until now receed slightly at the white hairs words. He always regretted not being able to stop what had happened to the child. He had been through enough, Komui knew that much, and yet he was powerless to even stop more suffering. It was his job as Supervisor to ensure everyone was safe and he had failed Allen in so many ways. And yet he had forgave him so easily...

"The others will come, you just need to give them time" he murmured hoarsely after a few minutes

Allen smiled and nodded softly

"Yeah"

* * *

><p>The first was Lavi. Allen sat slightly upright as he watched the clouds turn a bright pink colour, the tips of the sky a deep red, the same colour as the Bookman Jr.'s hair. he had slunk into the infirmary in what he must had thought was a inconspicuous way, although Allen knew he was there. But he did not make any attempt to move from the door.<p>

"I'm not asleep, Lavi"

Lavi's eye widened slightly at how Allen knew he was there without even looking at him, but as the boy did twist his head around to smile he cast his eyes downwards. He took a deep breath and released it in an annoyed whistle. Shit, since when was he such a coward.

Allen suppressed a giggle as all of a sudden Lavi came marching over to his bed like a man on a mission, before the red head ground to a holt in front of him and bent his body at a 90 degree angle, thoroughly startling Allen.

"I'm sorry!"

Allen was too shocked to say anything immediately.

"Er..."

Before any words were necessary though the red head had stoop back up and his body had relaxed

"Phew, glad that is over with"

He shot Allen a very Lavi-like wide mouth grin, and all of a sudden, both were bursting out laughing. Which was ruined slightly by Allen descending into pained coughing which his lungs and ribs protested.

"Hey, easy. You okay?" Lavi eased him up very gently, concern filling his face. It struck him that it was there fault he was in so much pain at the moment.

"I'm fine Allen panted, sweat beading down his face. He looked at Lavi's frowning features and chuckled

"What's with that face "

Lavi sighed at the typical Allen reply and sat down on the chair next to his bed without saying anything

"Geez Lavi, I haven't spoken to you in ages and yet you've got nothing to say, maybe I need to ask if your okay..." Allen teased the boy who he considered an older brother, desperate to get some semblance of normality back.

"I am sorry Allen"

Allen was put off course with this more serious apology, Lavi's green eye steady and Allen knew what Lavi was serious, he needed to be listened to. He sighed

"Your the second one to say that...you didn't do anything wrong..."

"We have been avoiding you"

Allen said nothing because this was true.

"I was scared" he blurted out after a few minutes. Lavi tilted his head, confused

"I know you saw everything. And obviously you met the 14th and know everything about how I became his host, and what central did to me. I thought... that you hated me now. Now I was a Noah and now you knew I was... "

"I thought you might hate us" Lavi interrupted incredulously. Allen stared at him wide eyed, shocked at the revelation.

"We didn't know what do when you came back from Central like that. I hit you with Hi-ban and everything. Those burns are my doing. And not just that. We thought you might resent us"

"Resent you?" Allen breathed confused.

"For watching your memories. The 14th gave us a choice you know. He said it wasn't his place, but we practically made him, even though... even though it was for you to tell us"

Lavi looked away ashamed. But something welcoming fluttered in Allen's stomach, making him giddy that he laughed again. Lavi looked at him like had just gone crazy

"I'm so glad... I'm so glad you don't hate me after everything..."

The laughter turned into a sob as Allen felt the weight be relieved off his shoulders, and he could not control the tears that escaped. Lavi's eyes softened as he watched Allen cry, letting his had go to the soft white hair and pet it gently.

"It's good to see you again, little moyashi" he muttered affectionately. Allen could only nod vigorously as he continued to sob unrestrainedly.

* * *

><p>Some time late, when Allen had finished shedding tears and Lavi had bounded away happily promising to bring food early tomorrow morning despite the boy being unable to eat it, Allen heard the soft click of the door shut. He turned his head and focused his eyes to see Kanda walking towards his bed, shadowed by the dim lights of the dark infirmary. His heart to heart with Lavi had set him at ease to some extent and he now felt the trepidation he had shown towards his friends had been stupid. So he greeted the Asian normally<p>

"Bakanda" he whispered

Kanda himself stopped in his approach to the bed to stop and stare at the idiot beansprout. He did not look like the writhing, desperate mess he had seen merely hours ago. He was expecting a lot of hassle but he could hear the easy manner in the boy's greeting, and he instantly felt a smirk cross his face

"Moyashi, your back to normal now"

Allen blushed slightly at the smugness in Kanda's tone as he remembered his earlier spectacle. He grimaced at the older teen

"Oh shut up. I had my reasons earlier. I mean, you guys completely ignored me!"

Allen whined a little, expecting a snapping response back and instead being met with a strange silence while Kanda's eyes watched him with an unreadable expression. Suddenly Kanda moved forwards and ripped the cover of Allen, who yelped slightly as he did so. Kanda placed his hand on the wound of Allen's stomach

"Bakanda, what the hell are you doing!" Allen asked mortified as he stared at the offending hand.

"It makes it twice"

"What?" Allen had no idea what he was talking about, yet again. Kanda did not answer, instead placing his other hand on another, much older wound on Allen's stomach. Allen's eyes bugged as he recognised the position of both hands.

"It makes it twice I've stabbed you now"

Allen didn't know what to say, instead he tried to read the emotions going through Kanda's eyes. After a minute of uncomfortable silence, the Asian spoke

"It seems I'm not very good at repaying debts, just increasing them"

The monotonous voice was easily seen through and Allen understood what Kanda was talking about.

"Is that why you're back here, when you should be free?" Allen's voice was steely as he looked at Kanda unwaveringly. To his credit, the man in question met his gaze with silent determination.

"I wont apologise" Kanda stated bluntly as he turned to walk away

"Kanda!" Allen called out. The Asian turned slightly, fixing his eyes on Allen

"Since you seem incapable of repaying me, I guess I will have to repay you... by kicking your ass next time we spar"

Kanda refused to let the shock be seen by the boy, instead turning away again and continuing towards the door. He paused before opening.

"You need to get your body better than its current shitty condition to do that, _moyashi"_

Allen knew that Kanda's smirk would match his own in that moment.

* * *

><p>She was last. She came in quietly, and when he saw her he instantly smiled. She had been crying, her eyes were red.<p>

"Lenalee" he breathed her name like he always did, and he beckoned her over after seen the reluctance in her step. She came closer to his beside and he smiled at her again raised his hand weakly to stroke her cheek. Like he always did.

She cried. He said nothing as she apologised, and he apologised and then they remained their, his hand on her face and her hand on his hair as she smoothed it down in a lulling rhythm. Allen felt the pain of the day catch up to him as the fatigue began to sweep away his consciousness. He sighed contentedly.

"Allen you should sleep" she whispers softly

"You'll still be here?" he slurrs and she giggles

"Of course"

He nods absentmindedly

"So glad to see you 'gain"

"I know, Allen-kun, me too" comes the reassuring response and he can feel himself smiling. He drifts off further, Lenalee continuing to stroke his hair. Just as he feels sleep claim him, he remembers the most important bit.

"L'nalee"

"Mmm?"

"I'm home"

The hand on his head pauses it action and he feels himself sink as he hears her last words, her voice cracked

"Welcome home"

* * *

><p><em><strong> Had to add Komui in at bit. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS EVERYONE! I am so very busy all the time, and it gets hard to think about fanfictions so whenever I want to write the next chapter I read the reviews and it makes me so motivated to continue writing. Not that I am insutating I would ever abadon this fic, I will write it to the end of course, jiust want to let everyone know how motivating your lovely comments are (and helpful to)<strong>_

_**Speaking of helpful, some opinions I want to ask you, and also some answerd questions -**_

_**First off, some people have said that they dont want any more pain for Allen? Is this true or is your strong empathy for such a wonderful character? Am I overdoing the AllenTorture in this fic? What are your thoughts on this?**_

_**Also, would like to reply to :**_

_**Alannalynn- you're right, that is some good knowledge you've got there! but to be honest I didnt know about the whole time frame that the 14th transfered his memory, so for this story we'll have to do a bit of twisting aware from the original plot, and say that it happened when Allen was like 5 or 6 ^-^**_

_**thephoniexblade- its true that there are quite a few characters i am missing, but since i focus a lot on individual thoughts and feelings, i chose to focus on the 3 main, plus link (and occasiaonly komui) in this story, but i will gladly give Krory a mention and maybe Marie and Miranda as well (love that paring), sorry but thank you for the construcitve cristism**_


	17. Bloodlust

**I like to think this chapter has some interesting development haha! Please enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Smoke trailed up out of the open window, a grey smudge against a pitch black starless sky. The man tilted his head and looked below him, watching the business of the narrow street, the gaudy lights casting a dull orange glow right before where the inky night sky appeared. The man moved to place the cigarette to his lips again before his body spasmed slightly. He twinged in pain, suddenly knocking over the glass next to him and bringing his hand to his face as he waited for the sensation to finish. As the pain slowly receded, he went to take another drag only to find his cigarette had gone out. Fuck. He sighed. He looked up at the sky one more time before getting up and shutting the window blinds. He would burn the memory of it for now, as he was going some place very different<p>

* * *

><p>Road was bored. She sighed dramatically as she swung her legs back and forth, sucking on a lollipop. She turned to her father<p>

"Neee~ Where is Earl-sama?" she whined

Sheyrl looked down at his daughter with doting eyes

"He's coming, sweetie, he's coming. Now now, try not to ruin your appetite with all these sweets" he gushed. Road pouted at her father, who squealed and squeezed his beloved daughter. Next to him, Tyki rolled his eyes.

"Haha, Sheyrl your spoiling her you know!"

Wisley's voice called down from the other end of the table. Tyki sighed

"What's new there then?"

"Hey! I'm not spoiled Uncle Tyki!" Road whined at him, throwing her self around his shoulders.

"Road. Sit down."

Lullubell's authorative voice cut through the carefree mood and Sheyrl turned to the woman completely enraged.

"Don't tell my daughter what to do you horrible woman" he shrieked ay her

"Shut up Sheyrl" Lullubell glared. Sheyrl screamed even higher

"Now now, calm down. Let's just wait patiently" Wisley reasoned, cutting across the noise

"The Earl will be here soon, so everyone lets sit down and just wait" he calmly ordered the Noah family. Sheyrl silently fumed and Lullubell glared, Tyki sighed again and Road sat down pouting but all did as told.

"Still, I don't understand why we were all called here for this banquet. Why did the Earl want the whole family here?"

Tyki grumbled under his breath.

"Because, Tyki-pon, I have something very very important to tell you all"

The sing-song voice of the Earl echoed around the room as the person himself appeared with a pop out of thin air, hanging of Lero, his smile even wider than seen before.

"The Exorcists have played their part well, but now, it seems they are needed no more...~"

* * *

><p>Allen gasped as her felt a ripple of something go through him. It was a strange feeling, not quite pain but one that left him feeling unpleasant, shaky and panicked. It wasn't the first time he had felt it. He was dimly aware of hearing the glass he was holding smash as he tried to control the shivering that now shook his body. Someone was calling his name and he tried to snap out of it.<p>

"...lker! Walker!"

Allen blinked and focused his eyes on a worried looking Link and Lenalee hovering beside him. He went to talk and realised his teeth were chattering

"Allen-kun, are you okay?" Lenalee asked concerned

"Yes, sorry...I'm fine"

He managed to pull himself together and smile at the girl before he worried her ever more, yet she did not look convinced. Suddenly a cool hand was upon his forehead

"Hmm. It seems your fever has not reduced yet. Maybe you should just get some more sleep?" Link muttered at he eyed the boy in front of him, moving to pull up the blankets around the thin shoulders. Allen smiled a blinding smile

"Thanks, Link. I don't know why I'm so cold!" he chuckled, trying to ease some of the sudden tension

"Probably because you need to eat more still" Link replied sniffily, glancing at the boys still protruding bones. Allen smiled guiltily

"Ah, sorry. I'm working on it" he muttered softly. Link said nothing, feeling a little guilty himself right then, instead he patted the boy's head and coughed into his hand self-consciously. Lenalee giggled

"Link's just worried Allen-kun, he wants you to go back to being healthy again is all, we all do!"

Link blushed slightly and moved away, whilst Allen grinned, enjoying the mans embarrassment

"Ah is that true Link-san? I understand" Allen bowed his head, playing along.

"Yes, well. Quite. I'm glad you understand" was the snippy reply.

"I'll go get you some dry sheets" and with that the man was off. Allen chuckled to himself again, enjoying the care-free atmosphere that had replaced the previously tense one. All memories of the strange feeling were lost as he and Lenalee spoke about missions, Komui's antics and what the science department had been up to until Lavi interrupted

"Yo beansprout, how have you been?" he asked with a grin

"Lavi! I thought you were still on a mission" Allen replied, deciding to ignore the usage of his stupid nickname this time.

"Hehe, just got back this morning. Yuu is still away and it's pretty boring with no-one around so I came to see you. Having a good day I see" Lavi nodded towards Allen, eyeing the bony ridges of the boys collar bone and chest with distaste.

Allen smiled self-consciously as he nodded. His road to recovery seemed to be going ridiculously slowly to him. Each and every day came a new problem, more issues that he didn't even realise he had to deal with before. He had good days and bad days, the latter would see him lying in the hospital bed in crippling pain all day, unable to even stomach water without it being rejected, and fevers so high he could almost hear his own hallucinations. It was hard. He was not used to be feeling so weak and vulnerable all the time. His body was frail and it was hard to adapt to that feeling. His wounds were not only sever but infected and it let to lots of complication. Honestly he just wanted this over with, but he knew it would not be that easy. Especially since he was forbidden to spar or even train at the moment. He was not allowed to do much. That thought made him sigh. Lavi frowned

"Hey, whats up then buddy?"

Allen blinked and started

"Oh! No, nothing. It's fine"

Lavi blew out a breath in exasperation

"You're always saying it fine! C'mon Al, tell us what's up, maybe we can help"

Allen glanced at him and Lenalee evenly, before darting his eyes to Link who had returned at some point during the conversation. He was sure the man would not allow it. But it wouldn't hurt to try right?

"I'm...bored"

God he hated to sound like he was whinging but he felt like he might go crazy if he didn't get out of there. The sound of laughing had him looking up incredulously

"Haha! Seriously that's it? Hahaha!"

Allen was quite perbuted by Lavi's laughter but decided to wait until he had calmed down and he heard him out

"Sorry, its such a strange thing to hear you say. Hey, I heard the science department are doing a new experiment, so everyone will be there. Wanna go and say hi?" Lavi grinned, waggling his eyebrows like some stage villain

Allen however, merely sighed

"I doubt the Head Nurse would let me go Lavi"

Lavi shuddered at the mention of her name. Honestly, she would probably flay them both alive if he were to take Allen out of the infirmary, but the Science department had also been asking after him a lot. How much trouble could one little outing be

"Then we wont tell her! We're just going for a walk and to say hi and back!"

Allen beamed at his friends idea until a sensible voice cut through the happy moment

"I don't think so, Walker "  
>Allen turned around, truly annoyed at Link's interruption of his new found happiness and escape from boredom.<p>

"Why! I'm honestly fine and it's just down the corridor a bit"

Link sighed like he was talking to a small child

"Because... you are not properly healed yet, you have a fever and are not well, and only moments ago you seemed like you were in pain"

Lavi's eyebrows drew together as he frowned and looked down at Allen with a concerned look.

"Hey, is that true? You okay Allen?" he asked

Allen felt a flicker of irritation cross his face as he kept his eyes on Link, nodding at Lavi

"I'm fine actually, and if I_ remember_, the other week or so who was it who was dragged back to the infirmary for leaving _unauthorised_ and still injured and had to stay in bed for _three solid days_ afterwards?" Allen smirked as Link blushed slightly at the embarrassing memory. Link looked at the determination in Allen's eyes and exhaled frustrated

"Fine! But I take no blame"

Allen grinned as Lavi helped him up off the bed.

* * *

><p>A predatory grin made its way across Tyki's face, one that was mirrored by the rest of his siblings. Oh how they had longed to hear those words. The Exorcists had always been a thorn in there side, however necessary the Order was before now, he still loathed the idea that such disgusting creatures lived. The Noah hated Innocence, it was in there genes, born to loath the substance that was the complete opposite of everything they were and yet the very thing they needed to bring this pathetic war to an end. Next to him Road cackled loudly, the insane notes bouncing off the walls as she lurched up, slamming her hands on the table and throwing herself at the Earl in an embrace<p>

"Yes! Yes! It's time now, finally. Did you hear that Papa!" she sung gleefully, the Noah grin stretching even further across her face as she turned to Sheyrl

"About time" muttered one of his siblings

"Ahh, good good. Even my patience was wearing thin" Wisley chanted.

The whole room was alive with murmurs of appreciation, the Noah aura growing as the family allowed it seep out at the excitement of finally putting the final stages in action.

"Now now, calm down my family. There are some things we need to discuss!"

Earl pandered around, tapping Lero on the table to dissuade the noise and chaos. Tyki allowed his aura to simmer down, but he could not erase the bloodlust of his Noah completely. However his curiosity was not as easy to quell.

"But why now?" Tyki asked, wanting to know what had changed. If possible, the Earls grin grew wider

"Good question Tyki-pon. Do you know how many Innocence cubes we have managed to collect?"

There was a hush.

"Collect?" Lullubell asked sharply

"Ah but of course, there are things that you younger ones would not know" The Earl sung, whilst Wisley and Road shared a knowing look

"Perhaps I should have told you all originally. Do you know why we hunt the Innocence, why the exorcists and the Order were necessary to us?"

Now that Tyki thought about it, he had always wondered why they had not taken the offensive and wiped out the Order long ago. They were inadequately manned against the legions of Akuma at their disposal, and with only a few Exorcists left, they would be no match for the whole Noah family. He had not wondered before why they went around destroying one Innocence after another. Instead of the Earl answering the silence, Wisley spoke up

"Brothers and sisters, do you know? We Noah do not actually have the power to destroy the Innocence."

Tyki was stunned. How could they not destroy it, he had done so before, excluding that damn Cheating Boy

"What we are able to do is to return it to is original form" Wisley continued

"And that is?" Tyki questioned

The Earl grinned wider

" The essence of Eve~"

Tyki's eyes widened as he remembered the story told to him through his Noah genes. Of an angel named Eve, once loved by many other angels, but by Adam the most. She loved humans more than anyone, and looked over them from Eden. Until tragedy shook the paradise of their world. Her soul was split into 109 pieces, one day to be reunited to join the others in Eden once again. How could he never have put the two together. 109 cubes of Innocence, 109 pieces of Eve. Of course

"You were using the Order to gather the pieces of Eve. So that you would not have to search for the pieces of her soul" Tyki stated, staring at the Earl in understanding.

"Correct, Tyki-pon. Only those who are born in light can resonate with Innocence. Should I look, I doubt I would find any pieces for all my life. They would hide from me. But thanks to the Order and the Exorcists we now have 90 pieces collected. That must mean that one of those at the Order are the beloved heart" The Earl cried out joyously

Tyki laughed, feeling manically high. Who knew everything would end up being so easy. He wanted to get to the Order now, his Noah genes pulsing to fight.

"There is one small problem" The Earl sung

"The 14th"

Tyki growled at the name of the traitor and beside him, he felt Road tense.

"It seems that Tyki-pon and Road were unable to get him over to our side gently. However he is necessary to our plans. Especially in the body of Allen Walker...however as a Noah he is bound to the genes as we all are. And as my children, you answer to me. Shall we see if force can persuade our dear brother? I wonder how he and Allen Walker shall fair against the bloodlust of the Noah?"

The Earl laughed gleefully as he whipped Lero around. He pointed the umbrella to the floor and began to draw a pentagram whilst chanting. Suddenly Tyki felt a almighty pull and he was overwhelmed by a roaring sensation, his stigmata opening all at once as the Earl opened up the Noah genes. The room was lost in bloodlust.

* * *

><p>There was that pull again. A strange ripple that washed over him, making Allen loose his focus as he stopped. Beside him he heard Lavi calling his name as the sudden roaring sound in his ears nearly overtook him. He could swear he could also hear another voice, frantically calling him...<p>

"Allen!"

He flinched in surprise at the loudness of Lavi's voice and the proximity of his face.

"Ah...sorry" he apologised shakily. They were half way down the corridor with Lavi helping him along, Lenalee having already gone along to tell everyone he was coming.

"Are you sure okay. Maybe I should take you back" Lavi said frowning.

"No, no. I just... spaced out for a second. Honestly I'm fine" Allen smiled his best smiled, knowing Lavi probably wouldn't buy it but trying anyway. When it failed as predicted he sighed

"Please Lavi, I swear I was about to go crazy in there" he pleaded.

Lavi looked like he was having some sort of internal battle but conceded with a sigh and a shrug of the shoulders

"I'm gonna be in so much trouble" he muttered

As Allen entered the Science department he was greeted with all the family faces he knew. People came up to hug him or pat him on the back. He gently comforted a sobbing Reever and Johnny as Lenalee giggled in the background. Even Kanda was there, moodily leaning against the wall, acknowledging the boys presence with a hmph. Allen felt the warmth of the moment wash over him, but he could not ignore the strange feeling he had inside him. Something didn't feel right.

"Are you sure you're okay to be here Allen? Wont you get in a lot of trouble with the Head Nurse?" Johnny asked worriedly

"Haha, I'm fine although she might be kinda..."

He cut off as suddenly everything lurched. He felt his left eye burn as the pentagram suddenly seared into his skull. His eyes lost focus as he heard everyone call for him as his knees hit the floor. He brought his hands to his head, trying to stop the pain. Then all other voices were drowned out by the one inside his head.

"Allen!"

Neah was there beside him, but he was different. He was encased by a black aura, swirling around him that seemed to be dragging him down. His face was sweaty with exertion and contorted into a mask of panic.

"Allen! You must focus!"

Allen tried he really did, but the blackness that encroached Neah was starting to weight him down, fogging everything over.

"You cant let me out. You must repress me now!" Neah yelled at him, his voice sounding quieter by the minute

"Wha..."

"I cant control the Noah genes. The Earl is trying to make them take over me. You must repress me. Allen! I'm going to end up hurting everyone. Do you want that! Allen! Concentrate!"

Neah was angrily shouting at the boy despite knowing it was a lost cause. He could feel Allen's consciousness sinking as his own presence grew stronger. His stigma opened at the force of the bloodlust running through him. Oh how he wanted to kill. He could feel the accursed Innocence within his reach, he wanted to rip and it, tear it...

Neah howled as he tried to stay submerged, attempting to fight against his genes. Suddenly there was a great push and he felt the darkness overwhelm him.

* * *

><p>Lenalee was panicked, even more so than Lavi who was nearly in tears at the thought of what the Head Nurse was going to do to him now he had taken Allen out and he had collapsed. He was knelt on the floor, head in hands as his body shook and he gasped.<p>

"Allen-kun! Where does it hurt. Let me see!"

She attempted to pry Allen's hands from his face when he let out an ear splitting scream, throwing his head back. Lenalee jumped back as she saw his pentagram burn a bright red. Suddenly crosses opened on Allen's forehead, hands and neck and began to bleed freely, covering the boy in blood in a macabre picture. Allen himself was struggling, body twitching like it was in pain and breath gasping like he was being choked. There was silence, no-one sure how to react to the sudden and violet appearance of the Noah.

"Allen-kun?" Lenalee moved a step closer tentatively.

All hell broke loose.

She was shoved back with a hiss from Kanda who darted in front of her as Allen let out a huge burst of dark matter, it seeped from his skin and would have injured her were Kanda not stood in front, warding it off with Mugen .

"Damn it moyashi! What the fuck are you doing!"

Kanda seethed at the man. But even he could see it wasn't the Moyashi. Hell it wasn't even that annoying Noah. At least not what he was like normally. Allen's eyes were shadowed by his bangs as he lurched up, arms swinging by his side as he stumbled drunkenly. There was silence in the room.

Suddenly he looked up and even Kanda jumped a little. His eyes were round empty holes, his face dark, pure black and was split open by an insane grin

"Killlll... exorcccisstsss" he hissed.

The Noah moved with speed unseen, and Kanda was thrown against the bookcase, scientific equipment going everywhere. Lenalee cried out in horror.

"Allen-kun! Snap out of it! Don't do this again!" her thoughts went back to when they first found him. She was sure she couldn't hurt him again like that. But the boy ignored her, instead letting off another burst of dark matter which has the scientists running from him, crying out. Lenalee shook her head, angry tears falling as she activated her Dark Boots and stood before the group of scientists, hands open. Next to her, Lavi and Kanda fell in place.

"Please Allen-kun. We're begging you. Take control" she sobbed

The boy smiled wider and shot forward as the exorcists braced themselves.

**"Carte Garde"**

Allen stopped as if suspended in air, his body contorted and frozen. Lenalee looked around wildly at the voice that had just cut across the chaos. Her eyes stopped and widened as she took in the flaming red hair as a man leaned against the doorway.

"Stupid-apprentice, still as weak as ever I see"

...

* * *

><p><em><strong>As if I need to ask you to guess who it is! A few answers, but not many. More will be coming in the next chapter, I promise everything will be cleared up. I hope the Noah werent horribly OOC, im not too sure how to write them! Thank you for reading everyone, please review (but you do anyway! :D) xx<strong>_


	18. Eden

_**I can only apologise so much to the fans of this fic for taking so long for this update. I went on a little holiday then I had so much work to do when I got back, it was crazy. The thing is, now it gets really interesting and the truth comes out but that makes it harder to write because i need everything to fit! I'm so sorry and I can only hope people are still interested in this story! Please enjoy!**_

* * *

><p><strong>"Carte Garde"<strong>

Neah felt his body freeze, his muscles constrict as he tried to push past the sickening black haze in his head. He could feel the blood pounding is his head, his eyes searching for Innocence and the feeling of wanting to rip it apart stated to swirl in his chest rather than rage. His ears picked up the sudden chant of magic, and then his mind was free. His pupils opened from their feral retracted state and his vision widened as he gasped into awareness. The constraints of his body made him panic as he looked wildly from one exorcists to another, to the people around the room all looking incredibly freaked out and fearful of him.

"Whh...what..."

"Well well, Neah. Seems your not better than my idiot apprentice" a mocking voice came from behind as Neah continued to stare bewildered at the still battle poised people in front of him. Suddenly the pressure on his body released and Neah went sprawling to the ground. His breath came in short pants, his head was searing with pain and his body was screaming at him.

"Oi!" the rough voice spoke again and Neah sprung his head up to look straight into the condescending eyes of Marian Cross.

"What the fuck"

Cross grinned.

"I could say the same for you"

* * *

><p>"Neah-san?"<p>

Neah whipped his head around to look at a very apprehensive girl who was approaching him, Innocence boots still invocated whilst the samurai continued to thrust his sword into Neah's back. Neah took a moment to collect himself as he tried to get rid of the last vestiges of the Earls power. He shook his head slowly before gingerly standing, his body aching. Kanda lifted his sword as he rose and Neah glance wearily at him

"Hey, easy. I'm okay now. Sorry. You can put that away"

"Like fuck" the oriental growled. Neah scowled. He was not in the mood right now.

"Neah" Cross called. Neah turned back to look at him. Cross grunted

"Knew it would be you I found"

Neah knew instantly what he was talking about and smiled at the man

"He's still here, if that's what your asking"

Neah almost chuckled as Cross's face darkened slightly at the implication, although they both knew how much he cared for his 'idiot apprentice'

"Oi! stop having a fucking reunion and tell us what the fuck just happened" Kanda spat from behind him. Neah sighed but did not turn to face him, instead he sent a knowing look to Cross

"The Earl has made his move. It's begun" he said softly.

Cross did not make any indication he had heard but Neah saw the stiffening of his muscles.

"What do you mean 'made his move?" Komui asked, picking his way carefully through the debris and standing behind Kanda.

"He had released the Noah. Once they are released they are lost in blood lust. It means he is coming here. Tyki told me that the exorcists has served there purpose. We have but a week now..."

"Lost in bloodlust?" Lenealee asked tentatively

"Our minds are overtaken by our Noah genes. They are no longer more human than monster. Even I could not resist. But don't worry, as long as General Cross is here, you shouldn't be in danger."

Neah tried to smile reassuringly but winced as he heard the Bookman Jr pipe up

"Have but a week before what?" he questioned

"The Order is destroyed and his plan begins"

Kanda narrowed his eyes

"What fucking plan? I think it's about time you told us what the fuck was going on"

Neah felt his vision blur as he laughed weakly

"Yes, quite. It would appear now is the time. Unfortunately, I will have to ask you to take over from here Cross"

Cross stared at Neah petulantly as the man collapsed in a heap. Lenalee ran over calling Allen's name, turning the boy over to reveal a very unconscious apprentice to Cross. He growled

"For fuck sake..."

He picked the boy up effortlessly, throwing him over his shoulder as he stalked out looking at Lenelaee incredulously over his shoulder following him. She merely pointed behind her as Komui, Lavi, Kanda, Bookman and Link trailed behind. Cross felt a stir of rage in his chest as he anticipated what was to come, and the task the damn Noah had left him with.

* * *

><p>Cross took a drag from his cigarette, not caring about the disapproving look the Head Nurse was throwing him for smoking in the infirmary. He relaxed as he watched the boy in front of him sleep, his chest rising slow and shallow but very much alive. He felt an intense glare on him , but did not bother to turn around. Instead he pursed his lips over the cigarette and spoke into the darkness.<p>

"I expect you'll be wanting answers, Supervisor?"

Komui stood rigidly, away from everyone else, the shadows of the room made his expression unreadable. Cross prepared himself for the scolding.

"Everyone thought you were dead..."

Cross took another lungful of smoke and blew it out

"Well I ain't. Obviously"

Cross could almost hear the Superviors teeth grinding in frustration.

"Yes. I can see that. So where have you been"

Komui was met with silence. He felt his anger boil up. The indignation he felt towards the man when he first saw him had now reached plain rage at seeing him in this situation, alive,well and terrible much too late

"Do you know?"

Cross sighed, knowing that there was no stopping the man now. Everyone in the room had fallen silent at the man's raised voice but Komui did not care who else was there. The lack of reply again added fuel to Komui's fire, the taught string of patience and concealed anger snapping, and the resentment to the man in front of him spilled out of Komui as memories of Allen over the past few months flashed in front of him. His voice simmered with anger

"Do you have any idea of what _your_ apprentice has been through since you went? Of course you don't. I may not know what happened, or the reasons you left. But you could of come back! Allen needed you. You tell him, the order, _central_! that he is the 14th and that's it? Can you see it..."

Komui walked over to the bed, ignoring the wide eyes look of his sister as he flipped the covers off of Allen's body in one stiff movement, the scars and wounds on his body laid bare, not even looking himself at the boy, but continuing to stare unflinchingly at Cross.

"This is what they have done to him. Do you know what he was like when we found him? The way he was? You don't. And now you come back and what...? General Cross, I don't expect answers, I demand them. Enough is enough"

Cross exhaled noisily as Komui continued to glare at him, eyes narrowing even more as the man gave a humourless chuckle

"Alright Komui, don't get your panties in a twist"

It was Komui's turn not to reply, the steely silence speaking for itself. Cross suddenly moved off the wall and walked forwards towards Allen's bed. Komui watched with concealed surprise as he watched Cross's hands ghost over the worst of the scars on Allen's body, tracing the wounds until he reached the glowing green cross in his ruined Innocence arm. Cross felt his hands fist as he finally looked to Komui.

"Do you know what Innocence really is" Cross muttered.

* * *

><p>This time it was Cross that was left with silence. He smirked as he realised he had everyone's attention, and took that moment to swiftly cover Allen back up. He fucking hated to see those scars. He closed his eyes as images flashed in front of his eyes, a sea of blood, a body slashed to ribbons. He thought about the things he would have to tell them. To him, the memories only seemed like yesterday, even though they happened years ago. So very many years ago. He sighed angrily. Now was not the time to be getting so fucking sentimental. Cross knew what he had to do. The fact that the Earl had made the first move was a sign in itself. The end of everything was coming soon. It would be no good to be unprepared. He started down at the face of his apprentice. So alike to his mothers. He wondered how he would take all this. What would change if he knew. The child had already seen so many hardships...even though he had promised her, it had all come a little too late and not enough. Cross was thrown out of his musing by the puzzled question of the supervisor. He walked over to the window and stared out as he lit yet another cigarette.<p>

* * *

><p>Lenalee was shocked at her brothers outburst. She could tell the others were too. Although she wanted to know what was going on, she felt scared. The trepidation in her told her that after this, perhaps everything would change. She glance at Allen. Once she knew the truth about everything, would she be able to look at him the same?<p>

"Do you know what Innocence really is?" Cross asked, his voice low and dangerous in the dark silence.

"Really is...?" Komui questioned puzzled.

Cross grunted.

"Have you heard the story of Adam and Eve, of Eden and the Angels?"

Komui looked even more confused

"Of course everyone has...Eve ate the forbidden fruit offered by the serpent. God was forced to throw both her and Adam out of Eden..."

Cross grinned satirically and laughed bitterly

"Hn right. Except that's not how the story went."

The silence was cold and palpable. Lenalee could feel her self holding her breath.

" It starts with the Ark"

Cross stubbed out his cigarette as he blew smoke upwards. His long red hair fell over his face, making it dark and expressionless as he began with a practised voice of someone who had memorised the story of by heart

"Eden was a place where Adam and Eve lived along with the Angels. But it was not a garden. It was a place separate from time and space. A dimension for them to belong in, a place they could turn into what they wanted, any paradise, and place. It was a world for them, where they could do anything and go anyway.

"The Ark... was Eden?"

Bookman asked gruffly, his eyes bored into Cross who nodded.

"Correct. It was their paradise that only had one condition. Eve was not allowed to leave"

"Why Eve in particular?" Komui asked softly

"God was afraid for her. Because Eve was a prophet. An angel who could see the future of the human race. She was a beautiful angel who loved humans very much. She would spend hours watching them, wishing to interact and talk to them. She wanted to help them, in any way possible. But her prophecies spoke only of death and disaster. She sent down warnings, and yet no-one believed her"

"...so she left Eden and revealed herself?" Lavi asked tentatively after a few moments of silence.

"No." Cross said bluntly, he could feel the irritation rising as he told his story, as he thought of what had been done.

"Adam was tricked. He loved Eve so much, and it pained him to see her so distraught when the humans did not listen. He would sneak out of Eden and go visit the humans, spreading word of her prophecies trying to make people listen. But Eve prophesised a terrible future. A flood, one that could wipe out the humans. Adam helped her to warn them but they wouldn't listen. But as destruction reigned upon humans they began to grow suspicious of their words. They believed it to be a curse instead. They asked to see the prophet themselves, that just seeing her was enough. Adam believed they would listen, in his love for Eve he went and got her and told her what the humans had said, that she just needed to be seen. He believed God would understand as long as she did not show her powers to them. However the humans convince her that it was only if she showed her powers, they would listen. Adam told her not too, he said that the humans had said her presence was enough, he knew then the humans had lied to him. But despite everything, Eve did. Even though she knew she would be thrown out of Eden, she wanted them to listen to her, to save themselves from the flood..."

Cross stopped for a moment as he remembered the thunder, the rain, the screams of the people and the blood. He had tried so hard to stop them. Him, Adam, Neah and Mana.

"What happened, General Cross?" Komui asked gently

"They killed her" Bookman answered stoically

Cross nodded

"They killed her. They thought she was the root of the curse. So they killed her/ Even though she only wanted to help everyone..." Cross' voice was unusually subdued, the monotone sinking away to reveal emotion behind it.

"You speak of it like you were there..." Bookman mentioned sharply. Cross chuckled bitterly

"I was..."

* * *

><p><strong><em>I know this wasnt amazing long and all that but dont worry, there is another chapter coming VERY soon, to finish off this explanation. Say 1- 3 days?.In the mean time what are your theories? Where do you think I am going with this? Next chapter has Cross's identity, along with Adam, Neah and Mana's roll in this all. The truth is about come out! What are your ideas, it would be intersting to know!<em>**

**_xxx_**


	19. Eve

**_So here it is. Not so much as an action packed chapter but a lot of answers! Please enjoy_**

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><p><em>The room was dark and shadowed, the only light coming from the circle of candles that were arranged intricately in a pattern on the floor. Cross stood in front of the array, his short red hair tied back haphazardly as he meticulously checked the image in front of him with the one in the book in his hands. He grunted with satisfaction as he shut the book and let it fall onto the workbench beside him. Closing his eyes, he brought the dagger up to his wrist as he began to chant. He was dimly aware of the splatter of his blood as it landed inside the circle, before a bright lights overcame his senses. Opening his eyes, Cross reeled, stepping back as he stared in shock. It had worked. All his efforts had paid off. He smiled smugly as he looked at the thing that had opened in front of him, a tower of hexagonal shapes of light, shrinking in size as the tower grew, a number flickering just above the biggest opening. A portal. He had found one. Cross checked the time. He had 2 hours until the Master of the temple came back. Without any hesitation he reached out to the glowing light, allowing himself to get sucked in.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Flowers. And grass. That was the smell he was met with as awareness slowly came back to him. A soft breeze rippled over Cross as he felt himself lying down, the sun shining on his face. He took a few minutes to gather himself, letting the strange feeling of his limbs not being there to subside. Suddenly the warmth and brightness on his face was cut off. Cross opened his eyes slowly at the presence. Only to be met with a pair of beautiful emerald eyes that blinked slowly at the man.<em>

_"Wh...at...?" Cross slurred hazily. Memories of what had just happened made him sit up abruptly, as the woman leaned back, slightly startled but smiling as Cross merely continued to blink confused at her. She laughed_

_"Oh! You're awake. That's good. Do you know where you are?"_

_"Where...I am?" Cross repeated slowly. No, he did not._

_"Are you okay?" the woman frowned slightly, her hand went up to touch Cross' forehead as she checked him for injuries, silently waiting for a reply. Stunned into awe for a moment Cross regained his composure as he brushed her hand off and stood up roughly. _

_"Where am I?" he asked bluntly_

_The woman stared up at him from her position of the floor confused, before once again smiling_

_"A place you should not be" she said so quietly Cross did not hear_

_"There was portal. It took me to this place, I..." Cross stopped to look at the woman. She was beautiful, a ethereal glow emanated from her. Her eyes were an impossibly bright green, and her hair was pure snow white, falling down past her waist in graceful waves. He was still strangely disorientated _

_"Who are you" he grunted_

_"My name is Eve" the woman giggled " What about you?"_

_"Marian Cross" he murmured. He gazed around taking in the scenery. Luscious flora spread as far as the eye could see, fields upon fields of beauty._

_"Such a strange place" Cross breathed_

_"Yes. Today I felt like seeing something beautiful, you know?" Eve grinned, getting up and running past him to pause underneath the tree Cross realised he must have been lying under. He did not know, but nodded anyway._

_"You said there was a portal. How did you find it?" Eve asked suddenly._

_"I'm...an alchemist. A scientist of sorts. I made it"_

_Eve raised her eyebrows_

_"And here I thought you were a monk" she chuckled_

_Cross stared down at his clothing, the crucifix hung boldly on his chest by the beads. _

_"I am that too, of sorts..." _

_"So many things at once you can be. That's why I say you humans are interesting!"_

_Eve smiled, but Cross noticed her eyes were lonely. _

_"Why wont you tell me what this place is" he asked frankly, not caring about the woman's need for privacy_

_"It wont matter, you wont find it again." Eve responded solemnly. _

_A voice was heard, calling, carrying amongst the wind. Cross could only hear it faintly as he looked around for the source of the noise, and was taken by surprise as Eve pushed him gently. He looked down to see her beautiful face contorted into fear. Cross felt a stab of unease, he did not want her to look like this. He strangely thought that he preferred her smiling_

_"Go, you must go!" she urged, pushing him gently_

_"Why?" he asked, bemused at her change in demeanour_

_"They cannot find you here. No-one should be able to enter, much less a human. You must go!" _

_Underneath him Cross felt the green give way as it crumbled, his vision once again being filled with light. And yet called out to her as he fell._

* * *

><p>"A human should not be able to enter God's domain" Cross grunted. "I understand the error I made that day, but I went back. Time and time again, I entered Eden"<p>

"But that it impossible" Bookman all but growled "It's as if you are saying you were able to slip past God himself"

Cross chuckled.

"I know, but believe me, I paid the price" he murmured carelessly, lighting another cigarette.

"What price?" Link asked cautiously. He had known there was always something about Cross Marian that was different, something about him that made him seem untouchable. Cross did not care to answer. Bookman filled the silence

"Why did you go back there?

Cross puffed out some smoke slowly.

"I fell in love with Eve"

No-one made a sound. Cross made an irritated noise as he did not need to turn around to see the frozen shock on everyone in the room. Everyone was thinking the same thing... Cross... in love?

Cross decided to ignore the reaction though.

"There's something else you should know. It wasn't just Adam and Eve in Eden. There were also two angels, sent by God to protect them and watch over them. Their names were Gabriel and Raphael..."

"The angel who as man was known as Noah and the angel who signalled Judgement Day for humanity. Brothers..."

Cross grinned at the old Bookmans knowledge

"Exactly. The two brothers who would be the ones to judge and save humanity with the Ark also went by another name."

"Neah and Mana" Bookman stated coldly

There was a moment of stunned silence before a tentative voice broke it

"Neah and Mana were angels" Lenealee asked carefully

"Archangels" a voice from behind them said

* * *

><p>Neah grimaced as he sat up, Allen's body felt like lead and his head swam slightly. He smiled slightly at everyone as they turned around to stare at him. He chuckled at their disbelieving faces.<p>

"You were an archangel...? But I thought you were a Noah?" Link asked

"It isn't as simple as that" Neah sighed, smoothing his hair back as he sat up gingerly. His gaze flickered to Cross, who hadn't turned around. He knew the man was lost in memories. He sighed again.

"Adam and Eve were God's precious children. Me and Mana were sent to watch over them in Eden. We were like a family. Adam was another brother to me and Mana. He was hard to watch over, always leaving Eden when he shouldn't. But unlike Eve he had no problem blending in with humans. They interested him as much as they interested her. Eve was a beautiful, kind, innocent woman Adam truly cared for her... we all did. That's where it went wrong"

"We know what happened to her, how Adam was tricked" Bookman drawled as he fixed his sharp gaze onto Neah. Neah swallowed compulsively

"But there's one thing I don't know. How did you go from being angels to Noah? How is it you are still alive, General Cross?"

Neah looked down, speaking softly "We were cursed"

Lavi blinked at that.

"Cursed? By who?"

"God" Cross spat. He turned around to face Neah, who looked at him with sympathy. Cross all but growled at the look on his face.

"Eve, she told me about the flood. By this time I already knew about her powers, and I believed her. I wanted to help her too. Slowly but surely the others found out about me. Adam discovered me one time. He was curious about me. I daresay we even became friends after a while" Cross angrily muttered. " When Adam came and told me about the humans wanting to see Eve I agreed to his idea. I also convinced her to come and explain it to them..."

"We also knew, Mana and I. We knew what they were going to do. Mana tried to stop them, he left that day. He went to God for help but he was too late. But I didn't stop them" Neah interrupted, trying to lower Cross' temper slightly

"I knew how much it meant to them both, and Ididn't have the heart to stop it. Even though I was sent to protect them, I only watched"

"What does this have to do with God's curse?" Bookman said brusquely as silence filled the room. From the corner, Cross suddenly started chanting. A flash, and the mask on his face began to grow, the white, bone like structure spreading until Cross resembled a skull. Several people in the room gasped.

"As the only human to deceive God I was punished to forever watch over the dead, no longer allowed be considered the living" Cross's voice rang clear and monotonous from the skull. The skull retracted to be but a mask again as Cross stared unemotionally out of the window.

Neah coughed, bringing attention back to him,

"The human's punishment was to perish in the flood. The dream Eve had had, was in fact all brought on by her death. And as for the angel who failed to protect her, I was given the burden of all human sins. You remember how the Noah came about right? I was the first, the original. As the archangel Gabriel I held the power to save the humans, yet God gave me their darkness in the hope that I would let them perish. I would have too, had it not been for Mana. He was not cursed, still the archangel to pass judgement, but he chose to leave God's side and stay with me. He passed his judgement of humans and convinced me to save them. He could not let them die when Eve had tried so hard to let them live."

"How did you stop the flood?" Lenalee asked, lips barely moving

"Eve passed the Ark onto me. It covered the sky, and filled up with the water of the flood. Not a drop touched any human..." Neah paused and looked up, making sure everyone met his gaze.

"Listen, Adam never forgave humanity for what they did. He was also cursed by God, cast down to forever into darkness and death of. But he never forgot Eve. He took the darkness of human sins he found and created Akuma, creatures of dark matter, to forever wipe out humans"

"Then Adam... is the Earl?" Komui asked, eyes widening with realisation.

"Yes" Neah closed his eyes. "Adam, no the Millennium Earl, he sought me and Mana out. He did not know we had saved humanity, God had already past judgement on him. He came to us and told us his plan, he expected us to help. After all we loved Eve as much as he did.

"So you agreed to get on his side?" Bookman asked

"Yes, because we could not let Adam destroy everything! The Earl is a being made of grief, and sadness but most of all hatred. We had to stop him"

"Why did you betray him then?" Lavi asked suspiciously

"Because of Innocence" Neah breathed.

* * *

><p>Neah had always thought it was strange, the affinity Noah's felt for Innocence alongside their born hatred for it. He remembered the longing that it sent through him, and yet at the same time, the murderous bloodlust. He breathed out, attempting to compose himself before getting overwhelmed again.<p>

"When Eve died, her soul shattered. Into 109 pieces to be precise about it. The Innocence that has the ability to destroy the Noah are in fact pieces of Eve"

There was a low murmur around the room as everyone digested what they were being told. No-one had really ever been able to discover what Innocence was after all.

"If it is Eve's soul, what is that makes a person an accommodator?" Komui asked rather desperately. Neah fixed him with a sombre gaze.

"Only people who hold the essence of what is good in humans, more so than what is dark. Those who have known suffering at yet are still able to preserve the light of human nature. You have all suffered, have you not? And those with a greater synchronisation, a stronger tie with Innocence, have suffered even more so" Neah stated, glancing down at the Innocence imbedded in his own arm. He stuttered for a moment, before taking a deep breath.

"When we found out that Eve's soul still remained, Adam wanted to collect it. He kept talking about a world for him and Eve, for no-one else. But even if Eve's soul were to be rejoined, she would not return. All that is left is the vestiges of her power, one strong enough to rival God. We couldnt let that fall into The Earl's hands. That's why when I found out why the Earl wanted to collect Eve I took the Ark, and left"

"Why did you take the Ark?" Komui interjected

Neah's face closed off and everyone knew that this was one question they would not be getting the answer to. Komui sighed.

"Alright, I understand what is happening. But what has changed now? Why is the Earl coming here now?"

"It must be because he has enough pieces of Innocence to finally add ours to the collection " Cross muttered from his corner.

"What do you mean?" Lenalee asked warily. Cross turned around, face nonchalant

"He used us to gather Eve, since a person imbued with such darkness would never have found Eve no matter how much he looked." Cross uttered bitterly

"Like fuck he can just storm in here and kill us all" Kanda growled, slightly offended at the insinuation.

"He can. That's why he has made his move" Neah said tiredly. Kanda sneered at him disbelievingly

"Oh, and what makes you so fucking sure Noah". Neah scowled at the name and hissed back at the man.

"The Earl has finally created the Serpent, the temptation that will lead humans out of paradise and into ruin"

* * *

><p><strong><em>Since Cross wasnt really part of the whole Neah, Mana and Earl triangle i tried to make him a bit of an outsider in some way lol! I did really want to make him an angel though, he would of kicked ass! And so the plot thickens even tell me what you thought, its hard to try and reveal everything using speech so I hope it went alright and wasnt really rubbish or anything. A few more twist before everything will be revealed! I'll give you a little sneak of what the next chapter may contain. <em>******


	20. Maria

_**... Okay, so I think I should aplogise for such a late update. I had a lot of coursework which then lead to exams and other stuff. Honestly it was so non-stop, I feel like I need a week to sleep now! I thank everyone for being so patient, and I hope that there are people still reading this story. Updates will now become regular as I just have normal money work to do now, which whilst busy, is not as time consuming (the life of a 9-5er isnt so bad!) I'm sorry its not incredibly long, this chapter just fills in a few of the blanks left in the story. Please enjoy, I hope all my regular readers will review as always, I miss you guys all so much!**_

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><p>Last Time:<p>

_Like fuck he can just storm in here and kill us all" Kanda growled, slightly offended at the insinuation._

_"He can. That's why he has made his move" Neah said tiredly. Kanda sneered at him disbelievingly_

_"Oh, and what makes you so fucking sure Noah". Neah scowled at the name and hissed back at the man._

_"The Earl has finally created the Serpent, the temptation that will lead humans out of paradise and into ruin"_

* * *

><p>Kanda felt his anger go up a notch, something he thought wasn't possible at the moment. Why did the fucking Noah insist on speaking in riddles. He glared at the man, raising an eyebrow and tightened his jaw as he ground out his words.<p>

"And what the fuck, can I ask, is the fucking Serpent?" Kanda asked with barely suppressed rage as he felt himself move closer to the Noah, who glared heatedly back at him and move forward to meet his unspoken challenge. That is until a feminine hand was pushing him back.

"That's enough Kanda! Stop being so hostile when he is only trying to help!" Lenalee scolded him as she put a restraining hand on his shoulder. She gave him one last glare which he returned with a 'che' before he backed off.

Neah was still glaring at the samurai when Lenalee gently touched his arm.

"Sorry, Neah-san. He is just a little frustrated at the situation. It hard since we don't know allot of things. Please, tell us. What's the serpent?"

Neah sighed and backed down, ignoring Cross' smirk at his easy taming and focusing on the girl in front of him. He felt a rush of affection that had nothing to do with his feelings and everything to do with his hosts. He smiled unconsciously, an act that turned in a grimace as he thought about what to say.

"Miss Lee, have any of you ever wondered about the difference in appearance between the Akuma?"

"Difference in appearance?"

"As they evovle, they start to look more and more...

"Human" Lavi interrupted from Lenalee's side. Neah nodded at him.

"Exactly. The Akuma are an attempt to create what the Earl and Noah refer to as the Serpent. A humanoid Akuma that will lead humans to temptation. The world in general is ignorant to Akuma, many having not experienced their darkness properly. Akuma feed of humans negativeness, increasing it and dragging them down into the darkness with them. And the Earl wants nothing more than for humans to be the end of themselves. So he works to create a human like Akuma. The serpent will be integrated into humanity and will infect everything with its darkness until humans destroy themselves. Unless you have Allen's eye, when that time came you would not know what was an Akuma and what was a human. You have a hard enough time with them now when there wear human skin, but with this, there would no longer be any distinction, and the world would fall to ruin" Neah explained.

" And your saying he's already created this?" Komui asked horrified

"He must have done. Because the serpent is only the beginning" Neah announced solemnly.

Rain pattered down on the window loudly as Cross stared out across the gloomy land that made up the Black Order. He had been here before, caught unaware as he allowed himself to be immersed in memories. A knock on the door created an even stronger sense of deja-vu and had the stupid Noah not walked in straight after he would be one bullet down. As it was, Neah casually skulked into the room, plopping himself down on the armchair and groaning

"Little Allen's body is so hard to deal with" Neah complained, feeling himself pout a little bit unintentionally. Cross said nothing, choosing to let out a stream of smoke from his mouth as his eyes flickered over to the man he had known for so long in the body of a child he had been fated to meet. He felt his eyes narrow slightly. Neah caught him looking and he smirked knowingly, eyes softening in a way that incredibly irritated Cross.

"What" he growled

"Dont worry, Marian. The boy is okay for now. He's just tired so here I am. Even though I'm tired too!" Neah teased gently. Cross hn'ed and ignored the man, turning back to glance out the window. Who ever said he was worried? A rustle right behind his ear made him freeze as skinny arms approached behind his back and a white head of hair laid gently on the crook of his shoulder, the soft strands tickling his neck. Cross looked at the silver strands for a second, before snapping back to reality, bringing his gun up and cocking it against the head

"What the fuck do you think your doing Neah?" he hissed venomously

Neah chuckled as he released Cross and threw himself down next to him, not missing how the gun followed him.

"Sorry, sorry. Allen said you looked lonely and I agreed. I just felt you needed a hug!" Neah grinned mischeviously but his eyes looked sadly at the man in front of him. He wondered if the pair, Allen and Cross, knew how much each other cared about each other. He decided not to mention that his body moved without asking it to.

Cross all but growled at the man. This was a side of Neah he had always hated. A lack of personal space and general loose behaviour made him unpredictable and far too free spirited for Cross to likeably handle.

"Seriously? A fucking hug? Who do the fuck do you think I am. Especially in that body, not forgetting your a guy. Now if it were a beautiful women, holding a glass of wine, then..."  
>"What if it were Maria?" Neah interrupted in a soft voice, his face cast in shadows.<p>

Cross moved lightening quick, grabbing the Noah by the throat and slamming him up against the window before Neah even had a chance to blink.

"Shut the fuck up"

Cross hissed in the boys down cast face. He felt his fingers squeeze slightly, until the Noah looked up. But the eyes were not golden, but a stormy green. A colour like grey but with a ethereal tinge and Cross felt shock cause him to drop the boy like he had been burnt. He looked at his hand, then back at the body of Allen to see gold eyes staring back, as if nothing had ever happened.

"I'm sorry, Marian." Neah whispered

Cross kicked him off the window ledge where Neah landed in a heap on the floor.

"Heyyy! What was that for!" Neah whinged from his heap

"For bringing up stuff like that" Cross retorted bluntly.

"But you never said anything to those Exorcists" Neah muttered

"And why the fuck would I talk about that?"

"Marian...Allen had to know the truth someday. Don't you think you should tell him?"

Cross snorted softly. "What's there to say?"

Neah frowned and stoop up. "Oh, I don't know. How about, hey Allen, by the way I knew your mother. Yeah, I loved her to bits. Oh and did I mention, I decided to keep her corpse on me after she died!" Neah shouted

Cross felt his forehead tick. Neah stopped dead as the silence rang out deadly

"Ahaha. Oops. I think I may have said too mu..."

Neah found it difficult to finish his aploogy whilst dodging the bullets that were being shot at him before his found his escape to the door, sadly followed by a still ranting Cross who bolted out after him, only to stop when the pair came face to face with a very stunned Lenalee and Bookman Jr.

"You... and Allen's mother..." Lenalee stuttered, eyes wide. Neah and Cross looked at each other.

"Oh my goodness. Impossible. Poor Allen. Imagine how he'll feel when he knows" The Bookman Jr was ranting, eyes rolling in his sockets.

"Er...knows what?" Neah asked cautiously, trying to inch away from Cross at the same time who looked ready to explode.

"That Cross is his father of course!" Lavi shouted.

...

"YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!"

* * *

><p>Cross slammed the wine bottle down angrily, glaring at the 3 in front of him, who all felt like kids being told off.<p>

"Sorry, General Cross, we didn't mean to overhear or anything" Lenalee mumbled, slightly afraid to look a the fuming man.

"But you did, and now thanks to the idiot fucking Noah, I'm gonna have to explain everything" Cross grumbled angrily

"Well dont worry, General. Here, I'll help you start. So you loved Allen's mom, but your not his dad...sooo..." Lavi just about ducked, missing the wine glass that was thrown at him.

"Shut the fuck up" Cross growled.

"I'm not the idiot's father or anything like that. I had been waiting for his mother for years."

"Waiting for her. What do you mean?" Lenalee cautiously asked

Cross sighed as he put down his wine glass, closing his eyes momentarily as he began to speak

" Allen's mother was Eve's reincarnation. Every 109 years, Eve is reincarnated. Her memories break through when the chosen reincarnation reaches the age of 18. There is a futher 109 days of Eve's reincarnation before the host...passes away.

"And Allen's mother was one of these reincarnations?" Lavi asked, his Bookman side storing away everything Cross was saying.

"Yes. Her name was Maria. She was a young girl who lived in the slums of England. She was shunned for her looks. Grey-green eyes and flowing white hair. You can imagine how out of place she looked. She was alone, no family, no home. She had nothing except for the child she was carrying. She was already 5 months pregnant when Eve's memories hit. I found her just before they all broke through. She thought she was going crazy. However there was a problem. Eve's memories never fully returned to the Maria. Because she was pregnant she was no longer pure, despite it not being of her own choice. Allen never had a father, Maria was a victim of street life in more ways than one. I stayed with her though. She was a strong, incredibly woman who never gave up no matter how hard things were. She was so very like Eve, even before the memories hit her. I cam to love her in the months I was with her. Even though I knew what would happen to her, even if she didn't inherit all of the memories. She did inherit one thing from being a reincarnation though."

"Innocence" Lavi guessed

"Yeah" Cross snorted softly. "She had a beautiful voice. She would sing to her child inside her belly, and her voice was magical. It was hypnotising. This became even more so after the memories hit. When she would sing, she would be illuminated by a green glow. The effect of Eve and Innocence." Cross fell silent for a few moments.

"What happened to her?" Lavi asked

"After the 109 days, the memories host usually dies. That is all the time Eve is allowed in this world. However she was pregnant, and still had a month to go before the birth of the child when the 109 days were up. She begged me to save her child, at any cost. So I used the magic of my curse. I kept her body from dying for the month after the 109 days, even though she was no longer there. Maria herself died with Eve's memories. But by using my curse I had bound Maria to me. I cursed her in a way. her body is mine to control. It does not rot, does not move. She is nothing more than a doll"

"You mean the Maria that you use as your second Innocence is Allen-kun's mother?" Lenalee breathed out, shocked by the revelation

"The problems of a curse" Cross muttered sardonically, his eyes flickering over the girl.

"And Allen?" Lavi asked, glancing at the Noah in the shadows of the corner of the room who had remained there and listened.

"He was born with Innocence due to his Mother being Eve's reincarnation. For a long time I have wondered about his Innocence. My suspicions were only confirmed when Mana came to me years later and presented me with the same child I say delivered in the slums that day. I realised then, Allen's Innocene is not a normal one. Isn't that right, Neah?" Cross glared at the man across the room as Lavi and Lenalee, both wide eyes, turned to stare at him. Neah looked up to meet Cross's gaze, his mouth open to speak when a huge crash above them shook the room. All 4 looked at each other.

"What was that?" Lenalee whispered, shaking slightly.

A hiss from the golem beside her caught her attention. The static fizzed out to allow the room to be filled with Komui's frantic voice.

"The Earl and The Noah are attacking the Order. All exorcists, report to the first floor"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Now I should inform you all that yes, the end is nearing. Not like 1 chapter away but drawing near. I have several ideas for an ending, so I ask everyone, what sort of ending would you like. You've got a choice of Happy, Sad, Completely Tragic, and these can be Open endings or completely Closed and finished. Your choice! :D x <strong>_


	21. War

**Here, a present for the wait I put everyone through, I managed to get it out early**

**Quick recap**

**- Eve is Innocence. Adam is the Earl. Humans killed eve so Adam wants revenge. He was trying to collect Innocence to bring Eve back. He now has enough so he has come to get the Exorcists final pience. Neah wont let him. **

**thats it in a very tiny nutshell!**

**I hope you enjoy! **

* * *

><p>Komui swore in an uncharacteristic display of panic as the wall next to him was blown out by the force of the impact upstairs and he was made to roll sideways to avoid the debris. His mind flashed back to the invasion of the Level 4, the horror and sorrow it had left in his wake. He could not have that happen again. He saw Kanda suddenly burst into the room and ran over to him, yanking him down behind a broken wall where Reever and Johnny were,<p>

"Komui, what the fuck! Let go!" Kanda growled, twisting his arm in an attempt to make him drop it.

"Wait Kanda. We need all of the Exorcists here before we approach them" Komui reprimanded him sternly

"Fuck that, they will be here any minute! I thought that fucking Noah said we had a week or so!"

"The Noah are completely different this time Kanda! Remember Neah-san when the bloodlust got to him? They'll be like that" Johnny chirped in frantically from beside the murderous exorcist

Komui frowned. They had no time to prepare. The only General here was Cross and Timothy and Krory were away. Only Marie and Miranda were here aside from Lenalee, Kanda and Lavi. There was also Allen to consider. Komui could not help but feel he was the trump card in all of this. The bulding shook as another shockwave ripped through the foundations sprinkling dust and debris over them.

"Well where the fuck are the rest of them" Kanda hissed impatiently

As if on cue, Lavi and Bookman came through the other entrance. Kanda growled at them

"Where the fuck is Marie and Miranda"

Lavi let his eyes fall on Komui, Reever and Johnny

"They are covering down stairs. Making sure all the science and non-combative are protected. You should go down there now and join them."

Komui set his lips in a thin line, silently dismissing the idea of leaving.

"Komui" Lavi warned as his recognised the steely glint in the man's eye.

"I will make sure I protect him as best I can" a voice from above them said, as Link jumped down from the balcony.

"You? Neither of you are exorcists" Kanda sneered

Link glared at the man and rose to his full height.

"I'm perfectly aware of that. We will stay out of the way. But we won;t retreat. I will protect the Supervisor is necessary"

Kanda opened his mouth to retort but was stopped by the arrival of Lenalee, Allen and Cross.

"Nii-san what are you still doing here!" Lenalee cried

Komuin was about to answer before a defeaning crash opened up the room from the cieling.

"Not now, you two. Leave. Everyone else, get ready" Cross' gruff voice cut across the mayhem and instantly had the exorcists in their fighting positions.

* * *

><p>It hit them all at once. It was like nothing they had ever experienced before. The stench of blood and despair. An overwhelming killing intent that left filthy black smears over the mind,. Before them stood what Neah confirmed in a soft growl were the Noah. But they were not what any of they had expected. They looked more like shadows, thin tendrils of darkness whispering around human forms. The black mist curled around and the faces were nothing but shining eyes and a wide grin smiling in insanity. The only one with any resemblance was Road. She snickered at there faces.<p>

"Ahh. It seems you were expecting us"

The Noah around twittered in anticipation. Neah felt his anger swell at the sight of the hateful child before him. His attention was sharply diverted to the feeling of a throbbing, dark power. His gaze drifted to the whole they had made in the ceiling, and he saw the Earl stand there, only his glowing eyes visible as he watched. Neah felt a surge of anticipation and unconsciously moved forward. Suddenly Road was right in front of him.

"Oh I don't think so Neah. It's finally time to play"

Neah was only vaguely aware of chaos erupting around them as the animalistic shadows on the Noah pounced on the Exorcists.

* * *

><p>Cross couldnt help a small feral grin slip onto his face. He had fought the Noah before. They were strong. But more than that, they were cunning. It made them formidable. But these, these were mindless animals lost in hatred and rage and bloodlust. And the Earl might not have realised it, but and animal was actually easier to kill than a sly, tricking human.<p>

* * *

><p>"Move out of the way!" Neah snarled at Road as he dodged to block her candles. He gasped as she appeared underneath him with her door and kicked him hard. He flew against the wall with a crack. Neah coughed, and quickly focused his Noah genes on healing the damage. He growled as heard the patter of feet before him as Road nimbly jumped down to land in front of him. She stared into her insanity filled face, watching as the blackness rolled off her in filthy waves.<p>

"No. I wont let you touch Earl-tama" Road cooed as she bent down to life Neah up. He got there first, landing a solid punch of the girls face. Her neck snapped back, before she turned to him with a face splitting grin.

"Why are you so angry Neah?" she simpered, taunting him. " Dont you remember the times we spent together. You, me, adam and Ev.."

"SHUT UP! You do not get to even _mention_ her name! Neah snarled at the girl, letting crown clown wrap around her small body as he squeezed. Road simply laughed.

"It your fault as well. It was you! The true serpent in this all. You tricked Adam, you tricked me and you tricked Eve. She loved you!" Neah threw the girl against the wall with all his might, watching the concrete chip as dust rose. From within the dust a mad cackle was heard.

"As yes, she loved me. Just like she loved everyone. Except I was special. I was her one and only human friend."

Road flung her projectiles at Neah who threw them aside in fury

"And you betrayed her. You told Adam that the humans would believe her, you said you had made sure they knew she was going to help. But you didnt. You lied! And yet you pretend to Adam like nothing is wrong!"

Road jumped out of the way of the shooting white spikes and landed right behind Neah.

"Well, I wanted Adam all to myself. Who did she think she was? She has his love and yet she never looked at just him. I did him a favour. She deserved what she got"

Road hissed tauntingly in his ear. Neah was frozen in fury, his anger blinding him to the candle she had raised behind his back. And then suddenly there was a roar of noise as she wasn't there. Neah flicked back to stare behind him, his eyes resting on the form of Lenalee who had kicked Road aside as was currently stepping on her as the Noah snarled from beneath her.

"Neah-san, hurry! You have to get to the Earl right? I'll take care of her!" Lenalee called as she applied even more pressure on the girl who only shrieked in more outrage and flipped the girl off her and into the other wall. Neah made to move forward as Allen called out to the girl.

_No, we must finish this Allen. This is the best way we have of protected them. We have to believe in them._

_**...Hai. **_

Neah felt Allen's distress even from here but was glad the boy easily acquiesced with him.

* * *

><p>Neah ran through the Order, letting his Noah senses guide him to where he needed to be. There, standing above the levelled floor on the Order that had become the battlefield, was the Earl. He did not turn as Neah approached him, rather he simply continued to stare down at the destruction he had caused.<p>

"Konbanwa, Neah"

Neah glared at the man before him, not allowing himself to relax one bit.

"What have you become, Adam"

This got the man to look up, his eyes flashing dangerously at the use of his old name.

"I think its more a question of what have _you_ become Rapheal" The Earl bit back in a murderous tone. He sneered at Neah

"Once an angel, now only a memory in a filthy body that mocks what should still be here"

Neah cast his eyes down in grief. Why did this have to happen. They all used to be a family didn't they? He glanced at the man before him, the one he had called a brother before.

"Adam, you don't have to do this. This isn't what she wanted, she wanted the humans to be saved. Please Adam, how can you not see that if Eve were here no sh..."

Neah was cut off by a punch to his gut, sending him sprawling on the floor. He looked up, gasping, into the murderous eyes of the Earl

"She is not here. She is gone. And it's all because of them. Do not tell what she would want. I am going to avenge her by purging this filthy world. And then I will bring her back and we can live freely once again. You are the one who has chosen not to be apart of it Neah. You are the one who has forgotten what Eve wanted" he hissed out coldly. Neah shook his head desperately

"How have I forgotten anything about Eve!" he demanded

"Because you have chosen them over us. I cant allow you to get in my way any more"

Neah glared as he stood up facing the Earl.

" I wont let you do this. You cannot even see how far you have fallen" Neah amended as he watched the Earl gather the dark matter in his hand.

"Try and stop me" the Earl grinned as he threw the matter at Neah, who dodged and returned the blow with his own dark matter. He could not risk using Allen's innocence yet. Not until it was the right time.

The Earl gathered more and more energy, hurling it at Neah. It was all he could do to dodge. He used his own to intercept the blows, each time feeling the strain on Allen's body at using an unfamilar power. Neah broke through and aimed a charged punch at the Earl's face who caught it and returned one of his own. Neah dodged and twisted his arm, kicking him into the wall with his dark matter. Neah took a deep breath ready for what he was about to say and wincing at how they sounded.

" You blame them for her death but it's not as simple as that. She knew what she was doing. She chose to show them her power"

Suddenly a barrage of orbs flew towards him. More and more and bigger in size and Neah jumped and dodged catching sight of a livid earl just as a bubble of dark energy expanded rapidly towards him. Neah swore, knowing he could not deflect it and activated Crown Clown. The response was instant, a ripping sensation in his body. The white cowl materialised and covered him and the black bubble ripped through his surrounding. More and more waves pulsated from the Earl who was alive with rage.

"Don't you dare try and blame her. It was them. They killed her. And you. You did nothing to help."

The cold fury sent a shiver up Neah's spine. The waves of dark matter turned into millions of spears that assaulted Neah unprepared. He could see the Earl was out of control. He smiled to himself. He had fallen for his trap after such a few words. Neah gritted his teeth as he felt himself push Crown Clown beyond its already fragile limits. The white cowl ebbed out, weaving in and out trying to deflect the blows as quickly as they came. He held his arms up from his knelt position, pushing harder. He had to wait for the right opportunity, the right moment. He had to let the Earl think he was winning. He glanced at the man he once knew as his friend, watching as his face twisted more and more in anger, his words punctuated by each blow of dark energy.

"You were meant to protect her! You were meant to make sure she was okay! Its there fault! THERES! and yet you protect them now. YOU. MADE. THIS CHOICE."

There. There it was, the perfect moment. Neah could feel the other Noah's bloodlust peak as the Earls anger reached a crescendo, his darkness flaring all around consuming the battlefield, mixing with the Noah's as he hurled his sword aflame with an infinite amass of dark energy straight at Neah as he let the white shield of Crown Clown drop in the pretence of surrender.

The Earl smiled gleefully at the obvious victory he seemed to have as his sword hurtled towards the Noah and he watched the Innocence give way, dispelling with a pop. He looked at the man he once called a brother. He was grinning... how strange that he should be smiling. And then all of a sudden there was nothing. No crater where the ex-noah should be, no attack, no Innocence despite the fact the Earl saw the Innocence change into that hateful mimic. All there was was a glowing ball of light as The Earl stared shocked at the smiling man approaching him.

Neah could see the sword coming towards him alive with darkness. And he smiled. It was time. As Crown Clown dispersed Neah let Allen's consciences burst forward and felt himself run his right hand over the innocence, the weight of a limb changing to the weight of a sword. He brought it up in front of his face, and as Allen receded, Neah began to chant.

* * *

><p>Kanda felt it. A strange pull coming from Mugen. The insects that he had unleashed on the Noah before him wavered a dissolved in the air. Kanda stared shocked. His whole being jolted as the pull got stronger. Mugen was vibrating in his hand, glowing a blinding green. A howl before him shook him out of his revive as he saw the Noah before him fall to his knees, hands gripping his head as he screamed upwards in pain. Kanda growled as he watched the inky filth that surrounded the Noah suddenly dissolve upwards as if being pulled off. He hissed as Mugen burned at his touch and dropped his sword as the Innocence did the same in a mist of green. Emerald and black mixed together as both substances were sucked from behind Kanda. He looked around to see Lavi staring shocked at his hammer as the same green mist rose from it. Next to him, Lenalee fell to the ground as her Dark Boots lost their power. The screaming and yowling of the Noah reverberated in his skull as it bounced all around him. Kanda ignored it in favour of focusing on the point of the chaos. There, in the middle of the battlefield stood the moyashi, with a black sword inches away from piercing him, with his own sword help up. It was there that the two dusts collected, absorbed into the white and black sword and Kanda could only swear in shock as it glowed brighter and brighter, finishing by swallowing the Earl's attack into the blinding light.<p>

* * *

><p>Neah felt the influx of power hit him like a brick wall. The hatred of the two opposing powers, Innocence and Dark Matter as he absorbed them into the Innocence that was a part of Allen's body. The sensation was as if he opened this own body up to them. He fought to remain consciousness as the struggling powers threatened to overwhelm him. Allen's Innocence hummed in his arm as he pushed, making sure it all flowed into the sword. The effort of it made him cry out but no one would hear him over the screech of the noise. He could feel his presence in Allen waning. But it didn't matter. This was what he set out to do. It was final time for his purpose. He let the shaking sword go as the light swallowed up everything around it. He fell to his knees panting as the light rose higher and higher, getting smaller and smaller until it disappeared. He looked up, finding the bewildered eyes of the Earl.<p>

"Yes, I made a choice Adam." Neah said softly staring at the man in front of him.

"I made a choice to protect what she held dear. You call me a traitor, but it is you who has betrayed everything she loved and lived for. I cant forgive that. I will stop you no matter what, old friend"

Then a cross burst forward in a shock of white, glowing around the edges. The Earl suppressed a jolt of shock at the cross. The two swords intermingled, black and white overlaid until the middles crosses of the two sword created a glowing light of one single cross. It spun and grew until from it rose a structure. From the cross rose a giant green crystal. Neah let his eyes soften and felt his heart ache as he stared at the woman encased. His nostalgia was shattered by the soft, broken murmur from behind him.

"Eve..."

* * *

><p><strong>To be honest I had more to put in with the others fighting the Noah but you waited long enough and it wasnt important to the story line. <strong>

**I know this is cheeky since my absense but i would a few reviews! just to let me know people are still reading and interested in this story! it hard getting back on track when you havent got any lovely new motivational words, but I definttly didnt want to abandon this fic!**

**A few chapters left now, should be coming pretty quick now I've managed to get my creative juices flowing again. Let me know what you think. Also I have decided on an ending that sorts fits everyting (in my opinion). Let me know if you wanna know what type of ending this will be ;) **


	22. Existence

**Okay, Okay. I hope no one dies of shock that this has finally been updated. I will be surprised if anyone is still reading, its been so long. If there is anyone, thank you for not giving up on me. Its been so long since I had spare time, then I went travelling for a year and a half. I've had the outlines of this chapter on my laptop for ages and so I finally decided to finish it up since it had a lot of answers in it. Not much about Allen or anyone else in this, just the rounding off of the plot I created. I hope this satisfies at least some answers and isn't complete rubbish. There maybe some plot holes, its been so long, so be nice if you notice it, and kindly point it out. I am sorry for any mistakes, and I'm sorry for it taking so long. **

* * *

><p>Then a cross burst forward in a shock of white, glowing around the edges. The Earl suppressed a jolt of shock at the cross. The two swords intermingled, black and white overlaid until the middles crosses of the two sword created a glowing light of one single cross. It spun and grew until from it rose a structure. From the cross rose a giant green crystal. Neah let his eyes soften and felt his heart ache as he stared at the woman encased. His nostalgia was shattered by the soft, broken murmur from behind him.<p>

"Eve..."

* * *

><p>"H..How. She is dead... <em>has<em> been dead for years" he whispered to himself, his body blindly leading him forward until his trembling hand was centimetres from resting on the glowing crystal in front of him.

"Things have never been as you've seen them, Adam"

The Earl whipped his head around, his arm withdrawing, only to see a panting Neah, pure green sword in hand, grip shaking as the weapon pulsated slightly. Sweat dripped down Neah's face. The influx of the two powers had cost him greatly. But he could not falter now, not when they were so close.

The Earl's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean" he hissed

Neah took a shaky breath and smirked at his old lost friend. "The third side of the war. The truth has been kept hidden from everyone. You, Mana, Cross. Only Eve and I know. And God of course. This was all set in motion by him. Even her death..."

Adam was there, in front of him, gripping his shirt and shaking. "What are you talking about! God loved Eve, he feared her death" the Earl growled.

Neah pushed him off, stumbling slightly as his body ached, exhaustion etched into every bone. He could feel Allen's concern as he recognised the sensation was not born from their shared body, but from Neah's very core. Neah straightened himself, and turned to face the encased body of Eve.

" You know, when Eve died, God entrusted her body to me. And when I saw the madness you had fallen into, I hid it in the Ark. As the original overseer of the Ark, I have always been the only who could control it properly. That's why I took it with me when I left. I couldn't risk you finding her body, when you weren't able to see the truth. Although, what you see before you now is just an empty vessel. But still, it's the only one capable of containing Eve's soul"

Neah could feel Adam's anger dissipating, he could see when he looked at him; the confusion, the thirst for understanding. He was vaguely aware he had an audience, the lack of sounds of fighting meant that the Noah had been stripped of their darkness and the Exorcists of their Innocence, the pieces of Eve's soul. A battlefield no longer reigned beneath him.

"Did you not think I wouldn't realise? The Noah you have created were not like me and Mana. They were not cursed by God's hand as we were. They were _forsaken_ by God. The opposite to the Innocence that makes up Eve" Neah hissed, watching as Adam's eyes flickered to the sword in hands as it began to pulse stronger, green light echoing off the surrounding shadows

" The greater the light the deeper the darkness, Adam. But you overlooked one thing. The same is true even when reversed. When true darkness meets absolute light, there will be equilibrium and everything that makes up human nature will converge as one. A new spirit will be born"

Neah felt Crown Clown burn beneath his hand. The light shone brighter, a strong beacon against the darkness.

"What is happening" Adam hissed, his eyes warily on the sword

"You see, like I said, I may be the only one who could have kept Eve's body, but it was another person that kept her soul. Even if you collected the 109 pieces of Eve, it would not be enough to bring her back. Because you would need her the core of her being to bring her alive. The 110th piece, if you like"

The Innocence formed from Allen's right hand let out a soft whining noise as it began to shake

"All those memories held in those pieces, they are nothing without the core of Eve herself. Allen Walker was not a vessel I chose by accident. It had to be him, and only him. I needed his Innocence in particular, because he was born from a reincarnation that held the foundations of who Eve was. And so, his Innocence holds the final memory, the key to awakening Eve. When all of her memories accumulate in one place, when darkness and light are balanced, then finally, the core of her soul will awaken. And then, when her body is called out, when every part of her soul becomes one and has its home to return to, Eve will be reborn once more..."

The Innocence in Neah's hand began to screech softly, the light a constant glare in his hands. Neah could feel the pull, it was now or never. Everything he had done, he had sacrificed, even the poor child that Allen was, was for this moment. He knew the consequences of these actions.

"_Neah! You need to stop!"_

Allen's panicked voice whispered inside him, faint and desperate. Neah smirked, knowing he had figured everything out, but he felt sadness and gratitude at the unmistakable feeling of panic radiating from Allen. He closed his eyes in ascent

"I cannot"

He thrust the sword into the crystal as Adam cried out, reaching towards him. The effect was instantaneous. A loud screeching sound could be heard as the green light of the Innocence flashed upwards, curling around the crystal that contained Eve. Crown Clown moved quickly and fluidly, covering the entire thing until the ridged shape of the crystal began to move. The shape shifted as Crown Clown eroded the structure until the body of Eve was obscured by a whirring, spinning cocoon of Innocence. Until suddenly, the light burst bright white. Neah fell the floor, his eyes burning from the light, as he felt his presence in Allen wane.

"Not now, not yet. I'm so close"

From inside him, he felt Allen push. _Keep walking._ He felt the vitality that lied behind the motion, as if Allen himself was giving him life. He swallowed, relishing in the movement that he had nearly lost as he thanked Allen for his support. He could not give in yet. As the light died down, Neah slowly brought his head up to face the most beautiful sight he had been greeted with in many years.

"Your really back"

* * *

><p>He could feel it. A strong pull, a terrifying warmth in his chest. The light burned as the sensation did in his body. The blackness, the emptiness that was always present lifted all of a sudden. Adam could not see beyond the whiteness of the light, but he could feel the presence there. His breath caught in his throat as the familiar sensation fell upon him, as the light cleared and a beautiful face of green eyes and white hair filled his vision.<p>

* * *

><p>"Neah"<p>

He could only stare as Eve softly came up beside him, whole being glowing a gentle, subtle light that radiated from inside her. She placed her hand on his arm, her eyes gentle and sad.

"Neah, you've been through so much, haven't you?"

He couldn't answer, his mouth felt dry as he swallowed reflexively. He could only stare as Eve smiled at him, watch her as she twisted to let her gaze fall on Adam. Her eyes narrowed with sadness

"I'm so sorry" she breathed, her hand falling from Neah's shoulder as she slowly moved towards Adam, her footsteps light. Adam moved back as Eve drew closer, shaking his head in denial

"Impossible. They killed you. The humans did this" he muttered, eyes wide as his fevered gaze took in the ethereal appearance of the only women he had ever loved. Eve's face fell at his words, a deep look of sadness overcoming her

"No. There are many things that I kept from you Adam. It wasn't my choice to. after all this time, you've acted on what you know. I wish I had told you sooner...the truth of everything."

Adam closed his eyes desperately, shaking his head rapidly

"Silence! I know the truth. It was _them..."_

"No" Eve interrupted, "What happened was written long before I was able to prophesise. A fate especially for me, one that wrote my very existence. One that God, and Neah alone bared the burden of knowing.

Adam shot a wild look at Neah, who had sunk down to the floor of the pillar, his right arm grabbing his left arm as he stared back at him just as determinedly

"What are you talking about" Adam gasped

"The third side of the war. The enemy we both share, is God and his own brother" Neah snarled from the side of them, but Adam remained with his eyes locked on Eve, whose face saddend ad Neah's word.

"It is not God's fault, Neah" she whispered, glancing at him. Neah shook his head in deference. Eve turned back to Adam and gave a tentative smile.

"Before you or I, there was one person who stood with God. It was he, and he alone, that God trusted, who oversaw humans alongside him. And there came a point when God recognised a darkness growing in humans. They were becoming greedy, prideful, lustful. He saw a seed of something that if left untouched, would spread and poison the whole of mankind. And after seeing God's worry, it was _he_ who offered to go down to the human world to rid it of this darkness"

"Except he was a liar, and a traitor!"

Adam peered around Eve to focus on Neah. His once friend's face was screwed up in hatred and anger

"He betrayed God, and led the humans to their ultimate end. If you want to blame anyone, you should blame him" Neah spat.

"Neah is right, Adam" Eve's melancholy voice brought him back to focus on the woman before him.

"His name was Lucifer, the first angel, and he betrayed God. He became consumed with the idea that humans were not worth saving. He fed their darkness, nurtured it in effort to make God abandon humankind. But God refused to give up on them, and so Lucifer cursed both God and humans to fall to a great flood that would wipe clean the Earth ready for his reign"

Eve walked closer, coming to a stop in front of Adam, taking in his confusion and shock.

"I don't understand" Adam whispered, eyes searching the woman in front of him.

"The flood was not caused by my death. It was something that was always going to happen. I was created for the only purpose of helping to stop it. I was created to make sure humanity lived on. God knew that he would not be able to stop him himself, but had hoped that perhaps he could make sure the humans helped themselves"

Adam's retorting question was cut off by Neah, whose face had taken on a look of desperation as he tried to make him understand.

" God thought that if they knew what was coming, and if they had someone to guide them through, then maybe they could save themselves. God came to me and Gabriel, and asked us to help. He told us that he would create a prophet who would go down to Earth when the time was right and warn humanity of the flood no matter what the risk. That he wanted Gabriel to judge whether they humans had the capability and worth to save themselves. If so, then I would guide them through the flood to ensure their survival and help them recreate a new, better humankind"

Adam could feel the anger coursing through him. He looked at Eve, meeting her eyes challengingly.

"How could he create you just to someday watch you get destroyed. Surely he knew what was going to happen. Aren't you angry!" he cried. Eve looked away in resignation, and what Adam strangely thought might have been shame. At her refusal to answer he glared at Neah, who shot him a wry look of understanding.

"It's not as simple as that. God is more like us, like humans, than you can imagine. Because he began to love Eve as if she were his own child. And as the days went on, the idea of allowing her to go down and sacrifice herself for the sake of helping humanity became harder and harder. He knew there was a risk, and he could not bare the idea of Eve's demise. So he hid her away. And so she was not alone, you were born"

* * *

><p>Neah shut his eyes against the onslaught of memories.<p>

_"She is lonely, you know."_

_His statement was ignored. He sighed_

_"Do you intend to keep her locked up here forever?"_

_Another stretch of silence. Neah huffed and turned to leave the room when His voice spoke._

_"I want to see her happy"_

_Neah rolled his eyes. The answer was obvious then, wasn't it? _

_"Then do not let her be alone forever. She deserves to have someone who is hers"_

_He had made his decision, and called upon him and his brother to witness it. Neah watched in awe as He called Eve over, her face lighting up as she saw Him, running to be swept up into His arms. He told her to close her eyes and keep still, He had a surprise for her. Neah observed as God drew a circle on her chest next to her left breast, and where his fingertips lightly traced, a bright light glowed more vivid by the second, until Eve gasped with her eyes flying open, her body arching in motion. From the area of her left rib, her __**heart,**__ the light was forced out and slowly moulded into the form of a human shape. Neah stood shocked, as the light dissipated leaving the form of a man behind, who promptly crashed to the ground._

_Eve looked, wide eyed, at Him and back to the now sleeping body on the ground. He smiled_

_"There, for you. A man. His name is Adam. Now you will never be alone"_

* * *

><p>Adam could only gape in shock. He had never thought much to his original reason for existence, only that he was here for Eve and for Eve alone. Without her he had nothing, he was empty. Her death had left him lost, completely alone. To think that he had been made for it, no wonder he had no sense of purpose when she was gone. How easy it had been to fall into despair.<p>

"Then how! If he loved you and cared for you so much, how did it all end up with you dying" Adam gestured furiously to Eve. He wanted so desperately to touch her, and hold her. But he could not accept that everything he had done had been misguided. He deserved to get revenge of humans, it was the only thing that had kept him going.

Eve looked up at the desperation in his voice. She felt her eyes fill with tears. She had cause so much pain. To Adam. To Neah. To God.

"It's my fault" she cried "If you want to blame anyone, blame me"

"I found out about my true purpose. My true existence. I overheard Mana and Neah talking one day about how my dreams were coming true. It was then I realised they were prophecies of the human world. The world I loved so much. And when I kept seeing the same dream, of a great flood that swallowed the world, I knew that I had to do something. So I told God. And all he told me was that there was nothing I could do. Until the day I left the Ark, I only went out for a bit to see the human world, and that night the dream shifted slightly. There was no destruction, only blackness for me. And so I realised that I was the key to changing it all. I knew that if I went to the humans and told them, that I might die, but that they could be saved. I couldn't allow God to keep me in the Ark anymore when there was something I could do. I needed to fulfil my reason for existing. But... but I had no idea that anything would have happened to you Adam"

Adam shook his head in denial, his brain unable to process what he was hearing.

"It cant have all be inevitable! Besides it was me" he whispered "I was the one who brought the great flood down, not Lucifer. It was only because Neah and Mana stopped me that I failed. And I only did so after falling into darkness after your death"

Eve lunged forward towards him, her hands scrabbling for his face

"No!" she cried "It wasn't you! Lucifer manipulated you. The darkness you fell into was his own. He _is _darkness, he took you feeling of despair and made you do these things! If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else he used. It was never you!"

Adam shook his head. "But all this time, I have been trying to end humanity. I have been trying to end so I can create a place where me and you can be together again"

Eve sobbed now as she clutched on Adam, who sat dazed as he tried to process all of the information. Had he truly been wrong. Eve had known, all this time that this would happen. She had tried to protect him, tried to protect the humans from it all. Just what had he been doing all this time?

"Silly, Adam your so silly! I have always been with you. We have always been together. You were made from my heart. What is a body, a soul, without its heart? That is why your soul materialises in the same way as the child's over there does. One hold the memories, the other the heart. I'm so glad that God made you for me. I've missed you so much"

Adam felt his eyes water as he thought of how every time he came into contact with Innocence, he felt more at ease. He always found that strange, his very being rejected the purity of it, he should be repelled. But every time he felt it near, it was like a heat in his chest. A comfort, rather than a pain. And now he could feel Eve next to him, her arms wrapped around his neck, her soft voice still ringing in his ears and he just didn't know what was going on anymore except that they were together. And that was all that mattered.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter: what becomes of Neah, Allen, Cross and all our lovely exorcists? The final chapter has come (assuming anyone still cares! Let me know if you do, I need the motivation to end this) <strong>


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